Keeping old secrets from spouse

[Anonymous]

My family and I were in a tough financial situation a while ago which caused me to do some things that my spouse doesn't know about. Things include taking out two small loans to pay bills and receiving a refund check for a settlement and instead of sharing that it was received, used it to pay bills. The two loans have been paid in full. Would you reveal these secrets to your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Yes, but I would have shared the problem with her beforehand. It’s just part of a good marriage.

[Anonymous]

Why didn’t you share this with your spouse initially?

[Anonymous]

+1 with the above pp’s. If you have a good marriage you would ever hide something like that because your spouse may have a better solution. If you made a mistake, admit it and solve it as partners.

[Anonymous]

Where does your spouse think the settlement money is? What were the loans for?

[Anonymous]

I’ve always managed our day to day expenses and my husband manages our investments. About ten years ago we were working on a good sized construction project that I was overseeing and the costs got out of control. I tried my best to manage the problem including using my credit cards and their absurd interest rates. When I finally told my husband the problem I (we) was in he was angry because we had the resources to solve the problem without using credit cards. He wasn’t thrilled about the overruns but he was unhappy that I didn’t share the problem with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where does your spouse think the settlement money is? What were the loans for?

It was a small settlement for an old apartment I rented years ago...wasn't thousands of dollars, but enough to help out with a bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve always managed our day to day expenses and my husband manages our investments. About ten years ago we were working on a good sized construction project that I was overseeing and the costs got out of control. I tried my best to manage the problem including using my credit cards and their absurd interest rates. When I finally told my husband the problem I (we) was in he was angry because we had the resources to solve the problem without using credit cards. He wasn’t thrilled about the overruns but he was unhappy that I didn’t share the problem with him.

OP here. This is pretty much our situation as well. I don't want my spouse to be upset, but I owe them the truth. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve always managed our day to day expenses and my husband manages our investments. About ten years ago we were working on a good sized construction project that I was overseeing and the costs got out of control. I tried my best to manage the problem including using my credit cards and their absurd interest rates. When I finally told my husband the problem I (we) was in he was angry because we had the resources to solve the problem without using credit cards. He wasn’t thrilled about the overruns but he was unhappy that I didn’t share the problem with him.

I’ll never understand marriages like this.

How did you not know how much money you had? Why were you so afraid to tell him about going over budget?

[Anonymous]

Why did you keep these things secret in the first place?

[Anonymous]

I would have told my husband and we would have dealt with it together.

[Anonymous]

Let it be. Every 3-4 years, my CC gets out of control-because I don’t pay it in full and eventually it catches up with me. I then tell my spouse about it, who then pays it in full. Sometimes it’s better to try and manage on your own. If you’ve paid it all down, let it die.

[Anonymous]

I’m confused—did you do this during your marriage or pre-marriage? If pre-marriage, who cares.

[Anonymous]

My college gf and I had a baby that we put up for adoption 24 years ago. y wife of 15 years has no idea and never will.

[Anonymous]

Should say my wife