Asking if friends are gay

[Anonymous]

My tween said one of her friends asked her if she was gay the other day. My DD didn't know what to say beyond "no" and "why are you asking?" Seems like an odd question for a kid to ask and DD felt really awkward and uncomfortable. I told her that her response was appropriate and asked if friend was asking others ... she did not know. The question really made my kid feel uncomfortable and I suggested she may want to talk to a teacher about it to put her at ease. Should I say something to the parent or just leave it alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My tween said one of her friends asked her if she was gay the other day. My DD didn't know what to say beyond "no" and "why are you asking?" Seems like an odd question for a kid to ask and DD felt really awkward and uncomfortable. I told her that her response was appropriate and asked if friend was asking others ... she did not know. The question really made my kid feel uncomfortable and I suggested she may want to talk to a teacher about it to put her at ease. Should I say something to the parent or just leave it alone?

No you don't talk to a teacher or a parent. There is nothing wrong with being gay or being asked about being gay. Sexual orientation / gender identity is a big topic in middle school. Being up front about sexual orientation is part of consent - keeps people from developing crushes or hitting on someone that isn't actually an option or wouldn't be open to that relationship. She answered honestly and that is that.

[Anonymous]

Leave it alone. I can see why the question made.your kid uncomfortable though. Also, was it said in a mocking way? Or a matter of fact way? I think that makes a difference.

Being gay is less "taboo" for our kids. So I don't think anything malicious was meant by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My tween said one of her friends asked her if she was gay the other day. My DD didn't know what to say beyond "no" and "why are you asking?" Seems like an odd question for a kid to ask and DD felt really awkward and uncomfortable. I told her that her response was appropriate and asked if friend was asking others ... she did not know. The question really made my kid feel uncomfortable and I suggested she may want to talk to a teacher about it to put her at ease. Should I say something to the parent or just leave it alone?

honestly, your tween may be trying to tell you something. Agree that the kids in school know it is acceptable to be gay. Your tween might just be feeling you out for your response to being gay.

[Anonymous]

This is such a strange and strong reaction to this question. Who knows why the friend was asking. Maybe they have a mutual friend who is interested and the friend was feeling out the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a strange and strong reaction to this question. Who knows why the friend was asking. Maybe they have a mutual friend who is interested and the friend was feeling out the situation.

OP you are strange.

[Anonymous]

I really don't think it's that odd of a question. For a lot of kids, being gay is no big deal.

Perhaps she was trying to feel your kid out, either for herself or a friend
Maybe your kid has some things about her that make people wonder if she's gay
Maybe she had a strong reaction about a boy liking her and so someone thought she was gay

Unless this was said to her in a mean or teasing way, I don't think it's a big deal. I'm not sure what the teacher could do to put your kids mind at ease

[Anonymous]

It’s weird you are so affected by this question.

No are you is an appropriate answer.

[Anonymous]

I teach 8th grade and the kids ask it as casually as “are you in honors English?” or “Are your parents divorced?” It would depend on the tone/context I guess, but I absolutely wouldn’t ask a teacher or the kid’s parent. If a kid came to me with this concern, I’d ask why the question upset them (assuming it did), and work through it from that angle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach 8th grade and the kids ask it as casually as “are you in honors English?” or “Are your parents divorced?” It would depend on the tone/context I guess, but I absolutely wouldn’t ask a teacher or the kid’s parent. If a kid came to me with this concern, I’d ask why the question upset them (assuming it did), and work through it from that angle.

So you would assume a kid upset by this question has a problem? Great. FYI the last thing most middle schoolers want to be thought of is gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I teach 8th grade and the kids ask it as casually as “are you in honors English?” or “Are your parents divorced?” It would depend on the tone/context I guess, but I absolutely wouldn’t ask a teacher or the kid’s parent. If a kid came to me with this concern, I’d ask why the question upset them (assuming it did), and work through it from that angle.

So you would assume a kid upset by this question has a problem? Great. FYI the last thing most middle schoolers want to be thought of is gay.

Holy overreaction. Teacher PP didn't say anything about thinking the kid had a problem. She said IF the kid was upset she would.help them work through it. Geez.

[Anonymous]

I know lots of ms kids who have no problem being thought of as gay, Ben g gay or being friends with a gay friend.

[Anonymous]

Why would you talk to the other parent or a teacher? It wasn’t an insult (unless there is context you are leaving out?). Kids are really open and accepting of this stuff these days.

[Anonymous]

Damn, OP. Why would you talk to the other parent? Or the teacher? You understand that the vast majority of kids don’t see being gay as a big deal, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I teach 8th grade and the kids ask it as casually as “are you in honors English?” or “Are your parents divorced?” It would depend on the tone/context I guess, but I absolutely wouldn’t ask a teacher or the kid’s parent. If a kid came to me with this concern, I’d ask why the question upset them (assuming it did), and work through it from that angle.

So you would assume a kid upset by this question has a problem? Great. FYI the last thing most middle schoolers want to be thought of is gay.

Sorry, you are behind the times. It is NBD now.