Filing for divorce, no lawyer

[Anonymous]

Is this actually possible? If so, what do you actually have to do? We’ve sat down many times and have many (if not all) agreements in writing. STBXH moves out next week so we can start our one year separation before filing. I don’t think you technically file for separation in VA, but how would we officially start the date in writing? His new lease? 3 yo son, we will share custody. Neither of us have seen a lawyer and would like to avoid this if possible. We are not going after each other for money or anything else.

[Anonymous]

Write it all up for the judge who will ask few more questions you both didn't know to think of and good to go.
Nobody asked for a lease. We both agrees that I had moved out and when and the judge took note.
One of us ended up paying child support even with 50/50 custody but it's minimum. The faster he can move out and you all can agree on everything, the faster the judge can sign it off. No lawyers needed.

[Anonymous]

They’ll ask for a witness that can attest to you being separated for a year.

[Anonymous]

We did it with no lawyer and I have no regrets. The only thing I would recommend is that you include in the decree if you intend to have your maiden name reinstated, and life insurance must haves for the sake of your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Write it all up for the judge who will ask few more questions you both didn't know to think of and good to go.
Nobody asked for a lease. We both agrees that I had moved out and when and the judge took note.
One of us ended up paying child support even with 50/50 custody but it's minimum. The faster he can move out and you all can agree on everything, the faster the judge can sign it off. No lawyers needed.

You’re implying that 50/50 custody means that no one should typically be paying child support. That’s ridiculous. Whether someone pays child support is dependent on the custody split AND on income difference. If you’re making a $500K in salary and the other parent is making $100K in salary, you will be paying child support.

[Anonymous]

In Maryland you don't need to be separated for a year any longer.

[Anonymous]

1. Write up an MSA (martial settlement agreement, where you break down all financials and what you will do with the childern, health insurance.. xyz)
2. File a complaint for divorce
3. Submit deposition of written questions where two people testify you are divorcing
4. File the Final Order with a private addendums and vs-4 form
5. Wait three or so weeks and call back to the court to check on your order, once filed then yay officially divorced (get a certified order)

You have to wait 1 year from the separation date

You can find ALLL of these forms online at your district court website

If any of these are confusing, call a family lawyer

[Anonymous]

I’d at least consult one as to your rights ...penny wise pound foolish. Things like right of first refusal were important to me...if I couldn’t be with my children because of the custody split....no way was I going to have a sitter or my Ex’s random girlfriend with them instead of me.

[Anonymous]

This is a mistake, OP.

As pp mentioned above, the big thing will be child support. There is a formula to follow -- with a child, it will be 28% of the higher earner's spouse minus 58% of the lower earning spouse's income, and it will be due until the child is 18 or finishes high school (and in some states it is higher). You will need to file several affidavits attesting to certain things (you're of age, you're of sound mind, you're not in the military [unless you are, in which case the filing gets a little more complicated].) As pp notes above, you will need a witness.


Another thing to consider: You may come up with all kinds of things your MSA that are not enforceable in court. And in 5 or 6 years, you won't be the same people you are now and you or your spouse may want different things. My girlfriend's ex, for example, decided this week to sue her for full custody of their 13 year old (they have been separated for 10 years and divorced for 7). Why? Because he wants to move into a new house and doesn't want to pay child support anymore. He'll probably lose, but it's still going to be a nasty and expensive fight. I realize you're sitting there going, "oh, we would never do that." And maybe you won't. BUT, maybe you will.

Nearly everyone in this process says something like I don't want to involve lawyers. But they know the law -- you don't. And there is a lot of misunderstandings out there. For example, you need to ensure an equitable division of assets including any home, retirement assets, pensions, etc.

[Anonymous]

^^^ Continuing above, there are loads of other things you haven't thought of. You need to figure out how to split child expenses, for example -- typically following a proportion based on who earns more. And define what it will cover -- activities? senior expenses in high school? etc.

The one surprising thing about divorce is just how much you spend fighting with your ex AFTER the decree, and most of it is around money and child issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Write up an MSA (martial settlement agreement, where you break down all financials and what you will do with the childern, health insurance.. xyz)
2. File a complaint for divorce
3. Submit deposition of written questions where two people testify you are divorcing
4. File the Final Order with a private addendums and vs-4 form
5. Wait three or so weeks and call back to the court to check on your order, once filed then yay officially divorced (get a certified order)

You have to wait 1 year from the separation date

You can find ALLL of these forms online at your district court website

If any of these are confusing, call a family lawyer

Also you put the separation date in the MSA. And you get the thing notarized.

You can also just hire a lawyer to do the actual divorce filing properly. Cost you a couple of thousand bucks or so.

If there are retirement assets to be split, a QDRO needs to be prepared as well. That'll be another grand.

[Anonymous]

My divorce was $84 which was the filing fee. You can do it yourself. Loudoun County has a great step-by-step resource on their circuit court webpage. As long as you’re in agreement it’s great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a mistake, OP.

As pp mentioned above, the big thing will be child support. There is a formula to follow -- with a child, it will be 28% of the higher earner's spouse minus 58% of the lower earning spouse's income, and it will be due until the child is 18 or finishes high school (and in some states it is higher). You will need to file several affidavits attesting to certain things (you're of age, you're of sound mind, you're not in the military [unless you are, in which case the filing gets a little more complicated].) As pp notes above, you will need a witness.


Another thing to consider: You may come up with all kinds of things your MSA that are not enforceable in court. And in 5 or 6 years, you won't be the same people you are now and you or your spouse may want different things. My girlfriend's ex, for example, decided this week to sue her for full custody of their 13 year old (they have been separated for 10 years and divorced for 7). Why? Because he wants to move into a new house and doesn't want to pay child support anymore. He'll probably lose, but it's still going to be a nasty and expensive fight. I realize you're sitting there going, "oh, we would never do that." And maybe you won't. BUT, maybe you will.

Nearly everyone in this process says something like I don't want to involve lawyers. But they know the law -- you don't. And there is a lot of misunderstandings out there. For example, you need to ensure an equitable division of assets including any home, retirement assets, pensions, etc.

This is good advice OP. It really depends on how amicable you are with your soon to be ex I guess, but a friend of mine divorced fairly amicably about 5 years ago and now the dad is remarried since last year and suing the mother, my friend, for custody of their 12 yo and 9 yo because he doesn't want to pay child support anymore. You just don't know how things can change in the later years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a mistake, OP.

As pp mentioned above, the big thing will be child support. There is a formula to follow -- with a child, it will be 28% of the higher earner's spouse minus 58% of the lower earning spouse's income, and it will be due until the child is 18 or finishes high school (and in some states it is higher). You will need to file several affidavits attesting to certain things (you're of age, you're of sound mind, you're not in the military [unless you are, in which case the filing gets a little more complicated].) As pp notes above, you will need a witness.


Another thing to consider: You may come up with all kinds of things your MSA that are not enforceable in court. And in 5 or 6 years, you won't be the same people you are now and you or your spouse may want different things. My girlfriend's ex, for example, decided this week to sue her for full custody of their 13 year old (they have been separated for 10 years and divorced for 7). Why? Because he wants to move into a new house and doesn't want to pay child support anymore. He'll probably lose, but it's still going to be a nasty and expensive fight. I realize you're sitting there going, "oh, we would never do that." And maybe you won't. BUT, maybe you will.

Nearly everyone in this process says something like I don't want to involve lawyers. But they know the law -- you don't. And there is a lot of misunderstandings out there. For example, you need to ensure an equitable division of assets including any home, retirement assets, pensions, etc.

This is good advice OP. It really depends on how amicable you are with your soon to be ex I guess, but a friend of mine divorced fairly amicably about 5 years ago and now the dad is remarried since last year and suing the mother, my friend, for custody of their 12 yo and 9 yo because he doesn't want to pay child support anymore. You just don't know how things can change in the later years.

Probably a stupid question, but: if the spouse gets full custody of the children isn't he still paying to support them? Are child support payments more than the actual cost of supporting the children?

[Anonymous]

You may want to look into getting an attorney as "of counsel" instead of entirely retained- i.e. you can go to them for advice, pay them hourly when needed, but they are not on the docket for your case. Helped me tremendously for things I hadn't thought of.