Helping my hopeless parents plan for retirement

[Anonymous]

My parents are in their mid-70s and absolutely hopeless with money. They have periodically had money over the years - though not recently - but it's always out the door as fast as it comes in. My siblings and I are not in a position to help them and my mom just announced that she was hiring a financial planner to help them figure out their end-of-life finances. I asked who the financial planner was, what she knew about her, and my mom just said she'd met her at a luncheon and she seemed very nice and she'd been in business for 30 years so she had to be great. This is a repeat of the same mistakes they've made a million times before - buying tech stocks bc some guy told them to in late 1999, refusing to refinance their house from 7 to 3.00% b.c of the transaction fees.... Just today she told me she wanted to renovate her house so they could live on just one level even though they have no mobility issues and are like 3 years behind on their property taxes. It never ends.

Anyway, I told my mom that she needed to educate herself on BASICS before she signs on with another "expert" - who could turn out to be a genius, who knows - so she can have some basic sense of what she wants/needs. I have learned a lot from this page over the years as well as (gulp) from a Suze Orman book I read in my late 20s. Until then, the concept of saving 20% or opening a retirement account or ANYTHING like that was totally foreign to me since my parents, having zero money sense themselves, never impressed those lessons on us. Do you have any recommendations for websites or books I could give my mom just so she understands the big picture stuff? The cheesier the better. TY!

[Anonymous]

This is not a fight worth having. They currently have no money, so they have nothing to lose. They are mid 70s so they have little in the way of earning potential, so again nothing to lose. If they figure out a way to finance the home renovation, good for them. Again, it is no skin off your back.

[Anonymous]

Keep it simple--tell her she needs to seek out an advisor who is a fiduciary.

[Anonymous]

I think it makes sense to get some more info about the expert just to make sure it's not some reverse mortgage thing, but I agree with PP.

[Anonymous]

Would she allow you to attend the meeting too?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Just to clarify, I don't view this as a fight. I'm just worried that my sisters and I will suffer (again) if they make more dumb decisions. They aren't totally destitute - they own a very valuable rental property outright, though they struggle to pay the property taxes on that too. My sisters and I were actually left the property by our grandfather but had to sign it over to them bc they needed the rental income more than we did. We understand that they will eventually sell that to live, and it should be fine (it is probably worth $900K). Is it best to sell that now? Later? Should they sell the property where they live (which has a not-huge mortgage but does seem to come with more taxes than they can pay) and move someplace much smaller? Stay where they are as long as they can and sell when they really need some cash? Real questions that don't involve just throwing money they don't have around. I would just like my mother to figure out what she and my father want long term so that they can go into the meeting with some sort of agenda, rather than the "Just tell us what to do" mentality that has steered them into the financial gutter so many times over the years. Oh, and dont worry, she already tried to do the reverse mortgage thing on the rental a few years ago until I intervened (since it was after all ours to begin with). We all know we aren't going to get a penny from this property, btw, but we would like not to go into debt ourselves should they have medical expenses they can't cover later on. I'm worried if they sell it now they will just go on an extravagant trip to Europe and buy new cars and suddenly we'll be back to square one.

Oh and to PP, I don't know if I would even want to go into the meeting. I just want *her* to go into it with a bit more knowledge than she has now, just something of a roadmap.

[Anonymous]

In their 70s they shouldn't have a mortgage. How much equity do they have? I would advise them to downsize to a smaller single story home. This would solve many problems for them. This should allow them (hopefully) to live in a paid-off home and could age in place without having to renovate for any anticipated mobility issues. Not having a mortgage should also free up money for them to pay their property taxes too.

[Anonymous]

OP - they don't need a financial advisor or planner. They don't have money, and their only real asset seems to be their home.What is there to "financial Plan". Instead, they need to sell the house and rent somewhere really affordable (but safe). then take those proceeds and put them in a money market. they're too far along in age to put that money in any other investment.

I know feeling forced to sell your house is a hard pill to swallow, but if I were in their shoes I would do it tomorrow. But I am also a saver by nature, and risk-averse.

[Anonymous]

Why did you give them the rents property?? That was a huge mistake. You should have kept it and then used thebincome to help support them!! Wtf. Sounds like you’ve made bad decisions too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In their 70s they shouldn't have a mortgage. How much equity do they have? I would advise them to downsize to a smaller single story home. This would solve many problems for them. This should allow them (hopefully) to live in a paid-off home and could age in place without having to renovate for any anticipated mobility issues. Not having a mortgage should also free up money for them to pay their property taxes too.

I don't know what their mortgage is and I'm sure it's something horrifying. They bought this place for a GREAT price but I fear they have borrowed against it in subsequent years. There is a lot of deviousness (in addition to cluelessness) in their dealings with money so we've all just stopped asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you give them the rents property?? That was a huge mistake. You should have kept it and then used thebincome to help support them!! Wtf. Sounds like you’ve made bad decisions too.

Well, we weren't really presented with a choice. My father was the executor and we were all in our early/mid 20s and living out of state and he told us we would get it when they die. Only years later,when the extent of their financial problems became known, did we understand that that was never going to happen... This was around the time all the problems first started coming to light and I bought my Suze Orman book. It was a property they used at the time and we weren't exactly going to take them to court over it. But my sisters and I have privately said that if they try to sell it to do something stupid, we will intervene. Again, we no longer expect to see a penny of that money ever again, which is fine, but we don't want to be footing their care bills either. We have all turned out to be fairly responsible adults, in part bc of how they are, but we are by no means rich and are focused on saving for our own kids college etc

[Anonymous]

Look into Dave Ramsey, Financial Peace University. Maybe look at some of his call-in videos on Youtube and see if there are callers with similar sets of circumstances.

How much rental income does the rental property provide? What is the approximate annual maintenance on the property?

My initial impression is that they would be better off selling both properties and moving into a small condo/house in a lower cost of living area. They could pay cash for their new small home and invest the rest of the proceeds to provide them with some income. The problem is, they can't seem to keep their paws off the money and will likely spend it down quickly *UNLESS* they get their heads on straight, actually take their situation seriously and learn how to stick to a budget. Regardless, at least they would own the roof over their head even if they do wind up living mostly on social security.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you give them the rents property?? That was a huge mistake. You should have kept it and then used thebincome to help support them!! Wtf. Sounds like you’ve made bad decisions too.

Well, we weren't really presented with a choice. My father was the executor and we were all in our early/mid 20s and living out of state and he told us we would get it when they die. Only years later,when the extent of their financial problems became known, did we understand that that was never going to happen... This was around the time all the problems first started coming to light and I bought my Suze Orman book. It was a property they used at the time and we weren't exactly going to take them to court over it. But my sisters and I have privately said that if they try to sell it to do something stupid, we will intervene. Again, we no longer expect to see a penny of that money ever again, which is fine, but we don't want to be footing their care bills either. We have all turned out to be fairly responsible adults, in part bc of how they are, but we are by no means rich and are focused on saving for our own kids college etc

Wow. So he stole your inheritance from you. You all need to be very clear with your parents that that was it. There is no help coming when they become destitute.

[Anonymous]

First things first. IF they have not paid their income taxes in 3 years that should be the priority. I'd also recommend the
Dave Ramsay books and classes. The classes are free at
religious institutions (not religious in nature, just held there).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you give them the rents property?? That was a huge mistake. You should have kept it and then used thebincome to help support them!! Wtf. Sounds like you’ve made bad decisions too.

Well, we weren't really presented with a choice. My father was the executor and we were all in our early/mid 20s and living out of state and he told us we would get it when they die. Only years later,when the extent of their financial problems became known, did we understand that that was never going to happen... This was around the time all the problems first started coming to light and I bought my Suze Orman book. It was a property they used at the time and we weren't exactly going to take them to court over it. But my sisters and I have privately said that if they try to sell it to do something stupid, we will intervene. Again, we no longer expect to see a penny of that money ever again, which is fine, but we don't want to be footing their care bills either. We have all turned out to be fairly responsible adults, in part bc of how they are, but we are by no means rich and are focused on saving for our own kids college etc

Your reply ^^^ tells me all I need to know. And you know it too. I think you're really venting more than asking for advice - as it seems that your parents will not be changing their ways. Most people never do. I get why you're upset, and I kind of sense you feel a bit guilty even though you shouldn't. You need to focus on your own family. Love your parents as much as you can, but more than that - you have to tap out of the fight before it ruins your own family.