Boyfriend Moving In?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend recently started a new job walking distance from where I live. Unfortunately for him, that means he has a 1 hour commute in the morning and a 1.5 hour commute in the evening. He has not asked me to move in, but spends about 3 or 4 nights a week at my place (same as before he started the job). I’m wondering if I seem like a jerk by not at least bringing up the topic of him moving in? We are mid-late 30s and have been together for about a year. I see this as a long-term relationship. I’m not necessarily opposed to living with him, but also am not sure if convenience should be the motivating factor.

[Anonymous]

Convenience should not. You should both very much want to live together. Living with a man is such a massive inconvenience itself, the convenience (for him not you) is not enough!

[Anonymous]

If you’re not engaged don’t bring up him moving in.

Convenience should not be a factor in this decision.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Get engaged first.

[Anonymous]

Get married or dump him. One year is long enough to know if he’s the one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get married or dump him. One year is long enough to know if he’s the one.

+1 if you are 25, maybe have him move in. If over 30 no way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Get engaged first.

+1. Agreeing as someone who made this mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get married or dump him. One year is long enough to know if he’s the one.

I guess I should mention that I’m divorced and in no hurry to remarry. Also kids are not in the cards for us.

I tend to agree that one year is long enough but that’s because I usually assume that a couple about my age wants to have kids and is working against a clock.

[Anonymous]

Youre in your mid to late 30’s! (You’re not kids)

You’ve been dating fir a year.

Decide if you want to get engaged or break up. You guys are wasting each other’s time. Don’t waste even more time by moving in together when you don’t even know if you want to stay together.

[Anonymous]

I’m concerned that you’re in your late 30s and you’re even asking if you’re being a jerk. Require yourself to act with confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Youre in your mid to late 30’s! (You’re not kids)

You’ve been dating fir a year.

Decide if you want to get engaged or break up. You guys are wasting each other’s time. Don’t waste even more time by moving in together when you don’t even know if you want to stay together.

Wasting each other’s time is right. Get on with your lives, OP!

[Anonymous]

BTDT. Don’t do it unless you’re engaged for real.

[Anonymous]

Why waste your life with him if he isn’t marrying you?

[Anonymous]

Nope. Don't move in unless you are engaged. Even though he is spending most of the time at your place, it is better he still has his own place so that you guys can break up easily if needed. Living together before being engaged can create inertia and waste time. It can lead to people not breaking up when they should, or women wasting time living with men who aren't going to commit. If he wants to live with you, he can put a ring on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Youre in your mid to late 30’s! (You’re not kids)

You’ve been dating fir a year.

Decide if you want to get engaged or break up. You guys are wasting each other’s time. Don’t waste even more time by moving in together when you don’t even know if you want to stay together.

I never said I didn’t know if I wanted to stay together; I very much want him in my life and we have discussed a future together.

But when it comes to moving in together... I don’t want to make such a big change out of convenience but also don’t want to signal that I’m not sympathetic to his awful commute. I guess I’m seeing a problem, something that is clearly adding stress to my boyfriend’s life (the commute), and trying to come up with possible solutions.