Wwyd if you were me

[Anonymous]

Dh and I both met at same demanding / high comp job. We agreed we would be equals and each scale back as need demanded. 2 kids in joke is on me and probably surprising to no one, I’ve scaled back a lot and he hasn’t. My career isn’t in total shambles but I’m currently definitely mommy tracked. He’s been very successful (Thanks to both natural talent and his workaholic attitude) and has a lot of financial success. He has all sorts of neuroses and mental health issues that will likely always make him a workaholic so that that as a fixed thing in this context.

I love being a mom. I also love working but resent the handicapped career I currently have.

I’m debating do I want a 3rd kid and just go all in on mom-ing. Pro is its just accepting a path, getting an upside of the personal sacrifices (why not take a tennis lesson on Tuesday! Why not never have to crank at a model at 10pm again!), and aligning the reality to dhs needs

Con is I’m giving up my professional life that is important to me and dad to day accepting all domestic responsibilities (I can outsource as needed but dh would never again feel any need to make accommodations for domestic needs)

The juggling with 2 kids and a job (given dhs job) feels like I’m losing on all fronts. A third kid feels like it justifies throwing in the towel. But it also feels like filling going all in on just being mom and giving up any really professional ambition.

Random context is I made good money on an early startup I worked for so while it’s not crazy money I wouldn’t feel stuck financially with dh ever. Apologies that this feels rambling, I’m particularly frustrated today so having wine and posting here vs picking a fight with dh

[Anonymous]

I’d go with the third little one.

[Anonymous]

You don’t have a third kid to quit a job. Quit if you want with two.

[Anonymous]

How does your husband feel about having a third kid? Is he onboard with you quitting your job?

[Anonymous]

What about quitting your career but volunteering in the field or consulting on a very part time basis so your foot is in the door?

I work with a woman who's very into her kids and she only works 10 hours a week and comes into the office once a year.

[Anonymous]

That's a lot to balance, you have to pick a lane. Does your DH acknowledge that his success is a result of you stepping in and doing most of the parenting?
Me, personally, I'd choose my little ones over a career. Can you find a way to keep your foot in the door that way you can go back when the time seems right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does your husband feel about having a third kid? Is he onboard with you quitting your job?

He’d be totally on board with both bc while he “loves” my success / ambition /intelligence, what he actually wants is he sah spouse who will do anything to ensure she keeps the country club membership and vacations she could never afford on her own (I’m being hyperbolic - but he’d have been much better suited for a woman who aspired to be a sah wife and admired him for his earning capabilities). He wants the image of an accomplished wife with the support of a content homemaker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does your husband feel about having a third kid? Is he onboard with you quitting your job?

He’d be totally on board with both bc while he “loves” my success / ambition /intelligence, what he actually wants is he sah spouse who will do anything to ensure she keeps the country club membership and vacations she could never afford on her own (I’m being hyperbolic - but he’d have been much better suited for a woman who aspired to be a sah wife and admired him for his earning capabilities). He wants the image of an accomplished wife with the support of a content homemaker

I'm sorry, but your DH sounds like a total asshole. I would not breed with him again so that he can ignore yet another kid. Just stick with the 2 you have and quit if you want to. He is clearly on board so there's nothing stopping you.

[Anonymous]

OP, your question is not really about a third child. A third child is not a requirement to be a SAHM. It's about what you and your dh want.

[Anonymous]

Could you take a year's leave of absence, see if you enjoy staying home, and then decide after some experience if you want a third, or want to return to work?

[Anonymous]

Do you want a 3rd kid?

This is hard for me to look at objectively because I REALLY wanted a 3rd child. I can’t tell if you want a 3rd because you want another child or because you want to justify your desire to scale back and stop working. If you want to stop, just do it! You don’t need to have another child to justify your choices. And hey, if it turns out you do want a 3rd kid - go for it!

[Anonymous]

Please don’t have a child just to justify staying home. You can do that anyway. It sounds like you don’t even like your DH, why did you even have 2 kids with him?

[Anonymous]

WWID- I would NOT have a third child, and I would NOT depend my financial success on a spouse. Keep your job, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have a third kid to quit a job. Quit if you want with two.

This. There’s something off about the way you talk about another child that concerns me. Three kids can be hard to manage. Don’t have one just to stay home. That’s weird and not a fair burden on that child. How old are your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WWID- I would NOT have a third child, and I would NOT depend my financial success on a spouse. Keep your job, OP.

Sounds like op has a nest egg of her own and isn’t dependent on him.