In early dementia did your parent regress in how he/she treated you?

[Anonymous]

Most people would not suspect things are changing, but I am positive having gone through it with another parent that things are. Besides the memory things, I am seeing more anxiety and rigidity. One thing I did not see with other relatives with dementia is this parent is regressing to treating me like I am a teen or child. She is less respectful of boundaries and talks to me like a difficult teen rebelling rather than someone with a job and family. It's like the respectful adult relationship we developed and had for over 20 years is gone and I am talked down to and expected to obey this person who is not even rational. Parent refuses neurological and we have tried other venues (like going through other physicians).

[Anonymous]

My mother always treated me like crap, and she was always extremely rigid and anxious. When I first noticed the beginnings of dementia she also started treating my father like crap, which escalated into physical aggression towards him.

[Anonymous]

If needs to be very unimportant, now and going forward, re: how they treat you. Op, don't lose sight of what you've learned from your previous elder experiences, or what you know in your gut. There is no longer the luxury of a relationship with an entirely rational human being, and it's your reasonable duty to not take slights personally.

[Anonymous]

Regressed, no but very confused, couldn't follow through with tasks and at later stages abusive and angry before being non-verbal.

[Anonymous]

Dementia made my emotionally cold, mean, guilt tripping mother into a person who says “thank you” and “sorry”. It’s pretty wild. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother always treated me like crap, and she was always extremely rigid and anxious. When I first noticed the beginnings of dementia she also started treating my father like crap, which escalated into physical aggression towards him.

Oh man those situations are difficult. I assume you got her on meds or into a facility? How did that play out? I see my parent's agitation increasing exponentially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If needs to be very unimportant, now and going forward, re: how they treat you. Op, don't lose sight of what you've learned from your previous elder experiences, or what you know in your gut. There is no longer the luxury of a relationship with an entirely rational human being, and it's your reasonable duty to not take slights personally.

Very true. My husband found that out with his aging bipolar father.

[Anonymous]

It is what it is OP.
On the plus side you will feel sad and some relief when she eventually passes away, as I know from experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is what it is OP.
On the plus side you will feel sad and some relief when she eventually passes away, as I know from experience.

+1, but early onset dementia is the absolute worst as they can suffer for many years like my MIL>

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is what it is OP.
On the plus side you will feel sad and some relief when she eventually passes away, as I know from experience.

OP here. I have been through it with one parent already. I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If needs to be very unimportant, now and going forward, re: how they treat you. Op, don't lose sight of what you've learned from your previous elder experiences, or what you know in your gut. There is no longer the luxury of a relationship with an entirely rational human being, and it's your reasonable duty to not take slights personally.

This, OP. You need to focus less on you. Your mom can't help the changes she is going through. You need to step up and be an adult, not whining about how you feel.

Please exit the discussion. As someone who has been living this first with one parent for 7 years and now with another, I really hope anyone who wants to be a jerk will just leave. Clearly who consider venting and trying to get support whining. We cope differently. You are not helpful at all and I really have more than enough on my plate (elderly parents are just one small part of a highly stressful life). Please, just go find another thread to be rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If needs to be very unimportant, now and going forward, re: how they treat you. Op, don't lose sight of what you've learned from your previous elder experiences, or what you know in your gut. There is no longer the luxury of a relationship with an entirely rational human being, and it's your reasonable duty to not take slights personally.

Very true. My husband found that out with his aging bipolar father.

This is one of the many hard parts. Dealing with the irrational and not taking slights personally. Wishing everyone strength.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dementia made my emotionally cold, mean, guilt tripping mother into a person who says “thank you” and “sorry”. It’s pretty wild. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop though.

I hope the other shoe never drops! I am glad you got to see a different side!

[Anonymous]

I still remember the time that my extremely conservative and reserved father looked at the sexy backup dancers on television at the Super Bowl halftime show, turned to me, and said “va va voom!” with a leering grin that bore no resemblance to any smile that I had ever seen from him.

Hang in there, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still remember the time that my extremely conservative and reserved father looked at the sexy backup dancers on television at the Super Bowl halftime show, turned to me, and said “va va voom!” with a leering grin that bore no resemblance to any smile that I had ever seen from him.

Hang in there, OP.

Oh my! LOL. I have read it can get much worse than that.