Mother contacting my ex and refusing to stop

[Anonymous]

I had a broken enhancement due to my ex cheating on me and moving out of our home. He sent me a screenshot of a message my mother sent him saying his new girlfriend is so beautiful and that they are welcome to come stay with her anytime. (She leaves out of state). It really hurt my feelings. I asked her what was up with the message, and she told me she could be friends with whoever she wants and that it’s controlling of me to say otherwise. Am I in the wrong here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a broken enhancement due to my ex cheating on me and moving out of our home. He sent me a screenshot of a message my mother sent him saying his new girlfriend is so beautiful and that they are welcome to come stay with her anytime. (She leaves out of state). It really hurt my feelings. I asked her what was up with the message, and she told me she could be friends with whoever she wants and that it’s controlling of me to say otherwise. Am I in the wrong here?

Oops. *engagement

[Anonymous]

Block your ex. Limit your contact with your mom. Neither cares about your emotional well-being.

[Anonymous]

That’s awful OP. I’m so sorry. If it’s any consolation it sounds like you dodged a bullet and those three can have each other. Block your ex AND your mom and look up the web site out of the fog.

[Anonymous]

Your mom is horrible. I assume this isn’t the first time she’s shown this side of herself? I’m sorry you’re going through this. In your shoes I’d stay away from her for awhile. A really long while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Block your ex. Limit your contact with your mom. Neither cares about your emotional well-being.

+1

[Anonymous]

No, you are not in the wrong, your mom is a straight-up bitch. I’d put some serious distance between you, given that she pretty much went out of her way to hurt you here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mom is horrible. I assume this isn’t the first time she’s shown this side of herself? I’m sorry you’re going through this. In your shoes I’d stay away from her for awhile. A really long while.

This was my reaction too--OP and OP's mom must have other history involving mom acting badly. OP, is this just one incident that seems unusual to you? Or has your mom previously been self-centered and done things that disrespect and undermine you? If this is just part of a pattern, distance yourself. If it's a totally new behavior from an otherwise supportive parent, I'd wonder if she was losing it mentally (drastic changes in behavior can be signs of decline in older people).

Did she take your ex's side when you two broke up? Defend him to you, ask you to take him back, tell you to forgive the cheating or whatever?

[Anonymous]

OP, my mother has done this kind of stuff. It’s so hurtful, and really messes with your mind because, if you’re like me, you’ve been conditioned to think this is normal. I’m not estranged from my mother after the latest incident. Your mom has some serious problems, none of which you can solve. Cut contact from your ex and mother. Fill your life with decent and supportive people instead.

[Anonymous]

Sorry. Am NOW estranged...

[Anonymous]

You are not wrong. Honestly, I’d probably cut my mother off for something like this.

[Anonymous]

Wow, sorry OP. That's really mean of her.

[Anonymous]

My mom did this. It was totally in-line with her past behavior but it crossed a serious and shocking line. We are estranged. My life is so much better. There is literally no point in being a family if your family members are actively siding with people who are against you. When people hurt my children, I am on my children's side. I can't even imagine siding with someone who hurts them, no matter what.

After years of dealing with a bad relationship with my mom, when she did this, it became crystal clear that I was better off without someone like this in my life.

Our estrangement is the single-most effective thing I have ever done to improve my life. Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Time to break up with your mom. She has directly and blatantly let you know that she does not mind hurting you. Anyone else in your life like that, you would stay away. In fact, you did with your ex. Your mother should have a stronger desire than anyone *not* to hurt you. Steer well clear of her.

I’m curious about why your ex showed it to you. Was he floating, was he concerned for you that your mother would do this, or what?

[Anonymous]

By the way, your mother manipulatively saying you’re being “controlling” is bs. You have feelings, and you let her know those (extremely normal) feelings. How she reacts to those feelings is her choice, and her choices have consequences. Every five-year-old learns this fact.