Mother contacting my ex and refusing to stop

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom did this. It was totally in-line with her past behavior but it crossed a serious and shocking line. We are estranged. My life is so much better. There is literally no point in being a family if your family members are actively siding with people who are against you. When people hurt my children, I am on my children's side. I can't even imagine siding with someone who hurts them, no matter what.

After years of dealing with a bad relationship with my mom, when she did this, it became crystal clear that I was better off without someone like this in my life.

Our estrangement is the single-most effective thing I have ever done to improve my life. Good luck OP.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time to break up with your mom. She has directly and blatantly let you know that she does not mind hurting you. Anyone else in your life like that, you would stay away. In fact, you did with your ex. Your mother should have a stronger desire than anyone *not* to hurt you. Steer well clear of her.

I’m curious about why your ex showed it to you. Was he floating, was he concerned for you that your mother would do this, or what?

He didn't seem to have any malice or manipulation behind it. He said he just thought I should know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to break up with your mom. She has directly and blatantly let you know that she does not mind hurting you. Anyone else in your life like that, you would stay away. In fact, you did with your ex. Your mother should have a stronger desire than anyone *not* to hurt you. Steer well clear of her.

I’m curious about why your ex showed it to you. Was he floating, was he concerned for you that your mother would do this, or what?

He didn't seem to have any malice or manipulation behind it. He said he just thought I should know.

Of course he did. He was showing you that he was winning, and enjoying how bad it would make you feel to see it. No one could be clueless enough to show someone information like that without understanding what a punch in the gut that would be.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I agree with the PPs that this probably is just the latest in a long line of incidents with your mother. Time to find out what you're life would be like with little/no contact with her.

I also didn't get the feeling your ex did this maliciously, just letting you know the sh!t your mother was doing. He did you a favor.

[Anonymous]

Why do you even still talk to your ex? Cut off both of these awful people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to break up with your mom. She has directly and blatantly let you know that she does not mind hurting you. Anyone else in your life like that, you would stay away. In fact, you did with your ex. Your mother should have a stronger desire than anyone *not* to hurt you. Steer well clear of her.

I’m curious about why your ex showed it to you. Was he floating, was he concerned for you that your mother would do this, or what?

He didn't seem to have any malice or manipulation behind it. He said he just thought I should know.

Of course he did. He was showing you that he was winning, and enjoying how bad it would make you feel to see it. No one could be clueless enough to show someone information like that without understanding what a punch in the gut that would be.

Or he may have been shocked by it and thought op should know what her mother did. I’m not trying to paint him as a good guy after all he put the op through, but most people would find a message like that to be way out of line.

[Anonymous]

Life is beautiful when you cut the crazy from it. I have no contact with my narcissistic, money-grubbing parents and sister and my ONLY regret is that I waited so long.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. Your mom is not a healthy influence on you. Have the relationship you want with her, on your terms. And if that’s no relationship, that’s okay too.

Everyone I know who has been cheated on ended up with someone so much better. Best of luck to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I would let her know in no uncertain terms how rude and hurtful that is, and not contact her for a year.

[Anonymous]

You tell your mother that you agree - people can do with they want - but actions always lead to reaction and consequences. The consequence of such a hurtful, deliberate, and purposeful action means that you won't be interacting with her anymore.

And MEAN it. You only get one life - please make sure that you do all you can to ensure yours is healthy and happy.

[Anonymous]

Yep, another vote for cut ties with her. I’m sure this isn’t her first time doing something hurtful to you and self serving to her.

As your ex, I’m guessing he told you because that is a weird and crazy thing to do. Hopefully he blocks her too.

[Anonymous]

Your mom is right in that she CAN be friends with whoever she wants. But it's definitely shitty of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to break up with your mom. She has directly and blatantly let you know that she does not mind hurting you. Anyone else in your life like that, you would stay away. In fact, you did with your ex. Your mother should have a stronger desire than anyone *not* to hurt you. Steer well clear of her.

I’m curious about why your ex showed it to you. Was he floating, was he concerned for you that your mother would do this, or what?

He didn't seem to have any malice or manipulation behind it. He said he just thought I should know.

Of course he did. He was showing you that he was winning, and enjoying how bad it would make you feel to see it. No one could be clueless enough to show someone information like that without understanding what a punch in the gut that would be.

Or he may have been shocked by it and thought op should know what her mother did. I’m not trying to paint him as a good guy after all he put the op through, but most people would find a message like that to be way out of line.

Or maybe he doesn't want OP's mom contacting him and he's hoping OP will say something to her about it. It's probably an awkward position for him as well.

[Anonymous]

Had a similar situation with my sister awhile ago. She came to visit at my house while I was just about final with divorce. While I was out she went into my room, got my phone book and copied down my ex's new phone number. I am sure she fully intended to call him and "commiserate" and worm her way into continuing a relationship with him.

Luckily, later on I went into the room she was in to bring in some laundry and I saw the paper on the table she had written his number on. I took it and threw it away and made sure my address book was out of her reach.

She is a sick, twisted individual who likes to glom on to others and manipulate relationships. She is still trying to do the same stuff decades later.

OP, the point is people like your mother don't change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had a similar situation with my sister awhile ago. She came to visit at my house while I was just about final with divorce. While I was out she went into my room, got my phone book and copied down my ex's new phone number. I am sure she fully intended to call him and "commiserate" and worm her way into continuing a relationship with him.

Luckily, later on I went into the room she was in to bring in some laundry and I saw the paper on the table she had written his number on. I took it and threw it away and made sure my address book was out of her reach.

She is a sick, twisted individual who likes to glom on to others and manipulate relationships. She is still trying to do the same stuff decades later.

OP, the point is people like your mother don't change.

Ugh, that is awful. I hope you don't ever let her stay in your house again.