Advice on appropriate punishment
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Anonymous
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I need some advice about a situation that came up today with my daughter. She is 5yo (6 next month) and in Kindergarten. Every parent says this, but she is very inquisitive and picks up concepts quickly. Other than occasional sass, she doesn't really step out of line. Well. I got a call today from her teacher. Apparently the K-er's were playing simon says this morning. She says "Simon says touch your butt." I do not allow that word at home, as I find it vulgar, but I completely understand that others will disagree. The teacher who overheard it (not her homeroom teacher) decided to let it go without comment. The next time in the same game my daughter says "Simon says touch your vagina." She was immediately sent to the principal's office where they talked about appropriate behavior and language.
I am a mixture of mortified, concerned, enraged, disappointed. I'm quite strict about appropriate language, and she most definitely knows better than to say something like that. I teach my kids to use the anatomically correct words for the body party, but any time I've heard even a hint of bathroom humor or inappropriate humor (with her younger brother being the instigator), I shut it down. There's the other part of me that is also just sick to my stomach at the thought of what this could also indicate (abuse), because it is so inappropriate for her to say that and what possible reason could she have unless she had heard it before? Her dad thinks it isn't great, of course, but he also thinks this is "normal" and not that big of a deal since she's five. I vehemently disagree and think greater punishment is warranted. If you are still reading, any advice is appreciated, and even more so if it is kind. |
Anonymous
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It's so totally normal.
No punishment; she was chastised at school. Tell her not to do that anymore. She's pushing boundaries and testing what's appropriate. Let them be kids and find farts and behinds funny at home. It is NOT a sign of abuse, geez louise. Dad is completely correct. |
Anonymous
| I think she is a small child who made an inappropriate comment. She has almost no life experience. She didn't intend any malice. Just have a word with her and move on. |
Anonymous
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Oh good lord OP. This is normal and does not mean she's been abused. I also guarantee you that she has instigated some bathroom humor before and you've just been blaming it on her brother because of your weird views.
I'm glad your husband is rational |
Anonymous
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It's totally normal. The school has heard much worse - no need to be mortified. Just reiterate to her what the principal said about inappropriate words (not angrily, just in a matter of fact way) and move on.
Don't punish. That would be out of proportion for what she did, and the getting sent out was her punishment. |
Anonymous
But it's so unladylike! Girls are not supposed find butts and bathroom humor funny. Obviously it's indicative of sexual abuse because there is NO WAY a 5 year old girl would come up with this on her own. |
Anonymous
| Girls find bathroom humor and words funny. Geez OP you're going to screw your kids up |
Anonymous
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I would dispute that vagina is an inappropriate word. It’s not. It is inappropriate in that context though.
No punishment! She didn’t know it was wrong. Just a talk about context. I would also add that the boys couldn’t touch their vagina so she should pick things that everyone can do. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thanks for the confirmation. The rational part of me knows it is likely an overreaction, but I also need to her to understand she can never do anything like that again. The abuse part was really a little voice in my head to the bigger voice about this likely being a general behavioral lapse.
My parents overheard me say "damn" once when I was playing a sport, on the field, and I was grounded (including no electronics, no going outside but for school, etc.) for a month. Harsh, yes, but it worked. I would never do anything that extreme with her as she's five, but I don't want her to think it's NBD or not memorable. |
Anonymous
| If it makes you feel any better OP, our Principal assuaged my embarrassment of my child showing his classmates his penis at that age by saying its VERY common for kids this age to push those boundaries. That's how they learn what the boundaries are - by overstepping them and being corrected. I would not make a bigger deal of this. |
Anonymous
You have to make sure that little voice is rational. So many people on here say "trust your gut! It's never wrong!'. But the reality is that for an over thinker or something with anxiety ( both which I struggle with) that inner voice/gut can absolutely be wrong. |
Anonymous
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Honestly, I think the overreaction is a little bit shaming on your part.
Focus on the inappropriateness of the behavior/timing not the word. Dont associate shame with using vagina- even in humor. Also, dont make double standards between your boy and girl children. Either bathroom humor is not or is acceptable in your home. |
Anonymous
| I also would remind her its not ok to talk about privates they way she did or tell other peple to touch theirs. I would not punish for this though unless it kept happening ( Mom of a 7yo DD) |
Anonymous
| I think you are completely overreacting. You taught your daughter the correct anatomical words, and she used it in a game with body parts. Just talk to her about proper places to talk about private areas. Communication......not punishment is what is needed. And clam down!!!!! |
Anonymous
| When my son was in 1st grade some kid said that he wore a diaper. He pulled down his pants in the schoolyard to prove he wasn't wearing a diaper. |