How to tell a man is relationship oriented

[Anonymous]

What are the signs that a man is searching for a serious relationship? I kind of prefer to date men who desire a serious relationship, before meeting me. I feel like in this area I can't just rely on a man's words. I have too many guy friends who I watch tell women they are looking to settle down, but then have sex once and leave constantly. So what are some clues that a guy is looking for something long-term?

[Anonymous]

There's no such thing. A man who tells you he wants a serious relationship says so because he thinks that's the quickest way into your pants.

Men meet someone they think is hot, get into her pants and figure out she's awesome and then want to be with her. They're never in the market for a serious relationship. Don't ask me how I know.

Signed, a man.

[Anonymous]

No man will upfront say he has no interest in a LTR unless you hint at it .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the signs that a man is searching for a serious relationship? . I feel like in this area I can't just rely on a man's words. [bI kind of prefer to date men who desire a serious relationship, before meeting me]I have too many guy friends who I watch tell women they are looking to settle down, but then have sex once and leave constantly.[/b] So what are some clues that a guy is looking for something long-term?

My comments will be unpopular on here but how well did the women know the men? I don't have sex on date 2 or 3 or 4 etc. I kind of want to get to know the man before having sex.
Again, this does not seem to be the norm with dating on DCUM. I've never had a man ghost me for not having sex on date 2 or 3 or 4.

I don't date men that are are married or men that are separated. I prefer not to date men that are newly legally divorced. I prefer them to have a year of dating
post divorce before I will go out with them. A man that is married or separated or newly divorced is not available for a LTR.

I don't present myself as desperate for a LTR. I let the man be the man. On on line dating sites I have the men approach me. The men ask me out. I don't do lengthy texting before meeting. I don't split the bill or bring up payment. I am the gentleman's guest. I have the men select the date venues. I can veto date veues when I don't feel safe etc but I make the man do the date planning at least early on. If a guy wants to take me out for Saturday night he asks me out M T or latest Wednesday.

My guy friends tell me it is flattering getting approached by women on the dating websites but generally the relationships that stick with my guy friends are the ones
in which they are interested and do the pursuing. My guy friends also tell me there are very aggressive women on the dating web sites and the guys will go out
with these women but the women come across as desperate and aggressive. I think it is easy to ghost these women after sex.

Ultimately there is a lot of value in dating the "diamond in the rough." I dated an estate lawyer briefly. He was considered a rock star in our town for dating purposes. I could not believe it but women would come to our table at restaurants throwing themselves on him while I was present. He is the type of guy that would ghost after s_e_x.

I think it is more about having standards of yourself as a woman and less about what the guy says. I've never asked the guy if he wanted a LTR, honestly to me that
would come across desperate if asked that before date 10 or 12. I do ask about the guy's family, children, upbringing and even ex wife. It is amazing what you can learn
by just asking a guy about himself and the people in his life. A guy that expresses a lot of anger at his ex wife is not good relationship material.

I think it is very unrealistic for a man to want a LTR with a woman who he has only seen in an online profile. I think that is a very unrealistic expectation for a woman to have.
When men and women are on line dating they are both meeting a lot of people. To the man, you are just another woman he is meeting to see how you look in real life.
I think it is healthier for women when they do on line dating to meet a lot of men in real life (from on line) and to have very low expectations from on line dating.

I'm a woman but dating early on should be very light and casual and more about getting to know each other. I'm not a man but having a woman talk LTR with a guy that
they are communicating with online seems desperate. Even bringing up LTR with a guy before intimacy seems desperate. A woman should be dating multiple men
before getting exclusive and having sex.

A man will want to have a LTR if you are the right woman for him. It is less about the man wanting a LTR but more about you being the right woman for him.

Again, this goes against popular culture in which women are supposed to pay for everything sleep with the guy on the second date etc.

As a woman I would be devastated if a guy ghosted me after sleeping with him. I've never had that happen personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the signs that a man is searching for a serious relationship? . I feel like in this area I can't just rely on a man's words. [bI kind of prefer to date men who desire a serious relationship, before meeting me]I have too many guy friends who I watch tell women they are looking to settle down, but then have sex once and leave constantly.[/b] So what are some clues that a guy is looking for something long-term?

My comments will be unpopular on here but how well did the women know the men? I don't have sex on date 2 or 3 or 4 etc. I kind of want to get to know the man before having sex.
Again, this does not seem to be the norm with dating on DCUM. I've never had a man ghost me for not having sex on date 2 or 3 or 4.

I don't date men that are are married or men that are separated. I prefer not to date men that are newly legally divorced. I prefer them to have a year of dating
post divorce before I will go out with them. A man that is married or separated or newly divorced is not available for a LTR.

I don't present myself as desperate for a LTR. I let the man be the man. On on line dating sites I have the men approach me. The men ask me out. I don't do lengthy texting before meeting. I don't split the bill or bring up payment. I am the gentleman's guest. I have the men select the date venues. I can veto date veues when I don't feel safe etc but I make the man do the date planning at least early on. If a guy wants to take me out for Saturday night he asks me out M T or latest Wednesday.

My guy friends tell me it is flattering getting approached by women on the dating websites but generally the relationships that stick with my guy friends are the ones
in which they are interested and do the pursuing. My guy friends also tell me there are very aggressive women on the dating web sites and the guys will go out
with these women but the women come across as desperate and aggressive. I think it is easy to ghost these women after sex.

Ultimately there is a lot of value in dating the "diamond in the rough." I dated an estate lawyer briefly. He was considered a rock star in our town for dating purposes. I could not believe it but women would come to our table at restaurants throwing themselves on him while I was present. He is the type of guy that would ghost after s_e_x.

I think it is more about having standards of yourself as a woman and less about what the guy says. I've never asked the guy if he wanted a LTR, honestly to me that
would come across desperate if asked that before date 10 or 12. I do ask about the guy's family, children, upbringing and even ex wife. It is amazing what you can learn
by just asking a guy about himself and the people in his life. A guy that expresses a lot of anger at his ex wife is not good relationship material.

I think it is very unrealistic for a man to want a LTR with a woman who he has only seen in an online profile. I think that is a very unrealistic expectation for a woman to have.
When men and women are on line dating they are both meeting a lot of people. To the man, you are just another woman he is meeting to see how you look in real life.
I think it is healthier for women when they do on line dating to meet a lot of men in real life (from on line) and to have very low expectations from on line dating.

I'm a woman but dating early on should be very light and casual and more about getting to know each other. I'm not a man but having a woman talk LTR with a guy that
they are communicating with online seems desperate. Even bringing up LTR with a guy before intimacy seems desperate. A woman should be dating multiple men
before getting exclusive and having sex.

A man will want to have a LTR if you are the right woman for him. It is less about the man wanting a LTR but more about you being the right woman for him.

Again, this goes against popular culture in which women are supposed to pay for everything sleep with the guy on the second date etc.

As a woman I would be devastated if a guy ghosted me after sleeping with him. I've never had that happen personally.

Are you happily married and if so, how long? You seem to be giving an awful lot of advice but if you are a single woman, what makes you think you are qualified?

[Anonymous]

Brown-stamping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Brown-stamping.

Yeah. I remember hearing that on here before. What was that again?

[Anonymous]

I’m happily married but was proposed to multiple times before I finally settled down with my husband.

As stated above, many men do not want to settle down. You have to learn to screen for these types. They say women are looking for the right man and men are looking for the right time. This is true! A man who is insecure in his life our career is NOT looking to settle down.

But even men who are approaching being ready to settle also often waste a few women’s time on the way down. If you’re easy-going, not demanding, and low expectations, you’ll do for this purpose.

If a man dumps you for having too many expectations, he was never going to marry you anyway.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 16:58, generally speaking.

[Anonymous]

For me, consistency and healthy pacing, not having artificial timelines, letting things be organic. Knowing he is in a position where a relationship won’t be a distraction. I don’t have sex right away, and usually court without sex, and usually I am the one that calls it off or we would come to an amicable and mutual fade out. No one has ever ghosted me for not sleeping with them. In the beginning, there are so many woman who will give it up, he can sleep with those women, and choose to get to know me. Eventually if something grows then we walk away from the casual options we had lingering, of course after sex. The guys that weren’t about relationships took too long to text back, wanted sex super quick and it was obvious, were inconsistent, didn’t have much substance, talked more about their attraction to me than an interest in knowing who I am. Those are a few examples of behaviors that helped clue me in to someone that would stick around If things went well. I have had wonderful experiences dating in this area just by paying attention to small cues, using common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me, consistency and healthy pacing, not having artificial timelines, letting things be organic. Knowing he is in a position where a relationship won’t be a distraction. I don’t have sex right away, and usually court without sex, and usually I am the one that calls it off or we would come to an amicable and mutual fade out. No one has ever ghosted me for not sleeping with them. In the beginning, there are so many woman who will give it up, he can sleep with those women, and choose to get to know me. Eventually if something grows then we walk away from the casual options we had lingering, of course after sex. The guys that weren’t about relationships took too long to text back, wanted sex super quick and it was obvious, were inconsistent, didn’t have much substance, talked more about their attraction to me than an interest in knowing who I am. Those are a few examples of behaviors that helped clue me in to someone that would stick around If things went well. I have had wonderful experiences dating in this area just by paying attention to small cues, using common sense.

Pp again, no one has ghosted me for sleeping with them either!! The few that I slept with, except maybe 3 in life, we ended up in relationships. And 2 of those 3 were FWBs during certain rough patches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the signs that a man is searching for a serious relationship? . I feel like in this area I can't just rely on a man's words. [bI kind of prefer to date men who desire a serious relationship, before meeting me]I have too many guy friends who I watch tell women they are looking to settle down, but then have sex once and leave constantly.[/b] So what are some clues that a guy is looking for something long-term?

My comments will be unpopular on here but how well did the women know the men? I don't have sex on date 2 or 3 or 4 etc. I kind of want to get to know the man before having sex.
Again, this does not seem to be the norm with dating on DCUM. I've never had a man ghost me for not having sex on date 2 or 3 or 4.

I don't date men that are are married or men that are separated. I prefer not to date men that are newly legally divorced. I prefer them to have a year of dating
post divorce before I will go out with them. A man that is married or separated or newly divorced is not available for a LTR.

I don't present myself as desperate for a LTR. I let the man be the man. On on line dating sites I have the men approach me. The men ask me out. I don't do lengthy texting before meeting. I don't split the bill or bring up payment. I am the gentleman's guest. I have the men select the date venues. I can veto date veues when I don't feel safe etc but I make the man do the date planning at least early on. If a guy wants to take me out for Saturday night he asks me out M T or latest Wednesday.

My guy friends tell me it is flattering getting approached by women on the dating websites but generally the relationships that stick with my guy friends are the ones
in which they are interested and do the pursuing. My guy friends also tell me there are very aggressive women on the dating web sites and the guys will go out
with these women but the women come across as desperate and aggressive. I think it is easy to ghost these women after sex.

Ultimately there is a lot of value in dating the "diamond in the rough." I dated an estate lawyer briefly. He was considered a rock star in our town for dating purposes. I could not believe it but women would come to our table at restaurants throwing themselves on him while I was present. He is the type of guy that would ghost after s_e_x.

I think it is more about having standards of yourself as a woman and less about what the guy says. I've never asked the guy if he wanted a LTR, honestly to me that
would come across desperate if asked that before date 10 or 12. I do ask about the guy's family, children, upbringing and even ex wife. It is amazing what you can learn
by just asking a guy about himself and the people in his life. A guy that expresses a lot of anger at his ex wife is not good relationship material.

I think it is very unrealistic for a man to want a LTR with a woman who he has only seen in an online profile. I think that is a very unrealistic expectation for a woman to have.
When men and women are on line dating they are both meeting a lot of people. To the man, you are just another woman he is meeting to see how you look in real life.
I think it is healthier for women when they do on line dating to meet a lot of men in real life (from on line) and to have very low expectations from on line dating.

I'm a woman but dating early on should be very light and casual and more about getting to know each other. I'm not a man but having a woman talk LTR with a guy that
they are communicating with online seems desperate. Even bringing up LTR with a guy before intimacy seems desperate. A woman should be dating multiple men
before getting exclusive and having sex.

A man will want to have a LTR if you are the right woman for him. It is less about the man wanting a LTR but more about you being the right woman for him.

Again, this goes against popular culture in which women are supposed to pay for everything sleep with the guy on the second date etc.

As a woman I would be devastated if a guy ghosted me after sleeping with him. I've never had that happen personally.

Great post - you really got to crux of the matter.

-Married man in DC who have 10+ years of fun before settling down for the “right woman”

[Anonymous]

A guy could be searching for a serious relationship, date you for a while, and then break it off. Doesn't mean he's not looking for an LTR. Just means you weren't the one. Nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

this goes against popular culture in which women are supposed to pay for everything sleep with the guy on the second date etc.

LOL, I've never heard of that expectation. If anything it's the opposite. Most women expect to be.like you: " I don't split the bill or bring up payment. I am the gentleman's guest. "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, consistency and healthy pacing, not having artificial timelines, letting things be organic. Knowing he is in a position where a relationship won’t be a distraction. I don’t have sex right away, and usually court without sex, and usually I am the one that calls it off or we would come to an amicable and mutual fade out. No one has ever ghosted me for not sleeping with them. In the beginning, there are so many woman who will give it up, he can sleep with those women, and choose to get to know me. Eventually if something grows then we walk away from the casual options we had lingering, of course after sex. The guys that weren’t about relationships took too long to text back, wanted sex super quick and it was obvious, were inconsistent, didn’t have much substance, talked more about their attraction to me than an interest in knowing who I am. Those are a few examples of behaviors that helped clue me in to someone that would stick around If things went well. I have had wonderful experiences dating in this area just by paying attention to small cues, using common sense.

Pp again, no one has ghosted me for sleeping with them either!! The few that I slept with, except maybe 3 in life, we ended up in relationships. And 2 of those 3 were FWBs during certain rough patches.

So you have little experience, low sex drive and see men as something to be used for your entertainment.