Narcissistic mother?

[Anonymous]

Did anyone realize quite late on in life that their mother was a narcissist?
It wasn't until my dad died and all her power over us disappeared that I found the definition of "narcissistic parent" online and she fit almost every category.
I felt sick and so stupid that I was in my mid-40s before I worked this out.

[Anonymous]

Yep, I realized it after my dad died and I announced my separation/divorce. It was still all about her. She was jealous family was giving me a little extra attention. She treated me like crap but expected me to kiss her feet.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but I realized it much earlier. Everything is about my mom so I limit contact and its frustrating as she doesn't get it and does things only for a reaction, not out of love.

[Anonymous]

Yes. See the reddit called raisedbynarcissists.

[Anonymous]

I hear you both. When I fell pregnant with my first child I asked her if she wanted to feel the baby kick and she spat at me "God no. I think its time you grew up"

I never knew it was because it wasn't about her. It has taken me years.

She thinks she is a sweet old, harmless lady and actually her nickname amongst some of us is "tyrant". That is what my sibling's psychiatrist has called her. Tyrant.

[Anonymous]

You are not alone!! I didn’t realize it until I was googling stuff at age 36, fell down an internet rabbit hole, found that daughters of narc moms website/out of the fog website/reddit’s raised by narc forum ... and holy crap. My mom is textbook, and I mean textbook, NPD. I also felt incredibly stupid for wasting years trying to “calm” her moods and “make” her like me ... not knowing what I was dealing with. Now in my 40s, my resentment is more for the many, many family members who looked the other way during her truly bad emotional abuse of me. I can appreciate, reading about NPD, why they believed her lies and excused her abuse. Years of manipulative tactics plus generations of cowardly people. Honestly I am waiting for emotional abuse to have its #metoo moment because still no one takes me seriously.

[Anonymous]

Oh, god. I was JUST thinking I would create a thread with the same title.

I did not figure it out until I went to a therapist and she asked if my mother fit this and that category.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not alone!! I didn’t realize it until I was googling stuff at age 36, fell down an internet rabbit hole, found that daughters of narc moms website/out of the fog website/reddit’s raised by narc forum ... and holy crap. My mom is textbook, and I mean textbook, NPD. I also felt incredibly stupid for wasting years trying to “calm” her moods and “make” her like me ... not knowing what I was dealing with. Now in my 40s, my resentment is more for the many, many family members who looked the other way during her truly bad emotional abuse of me. I can appreciate, reading about NPD, why they believed her lies and excused her abuse. Years of manipulative tactics plus generations of cowardly people. Honestly I am waiting for emotional abuse to have its #metoo moment because still no one takes me seriously.

NP, here.

I take you seriously. I am sorry it happened to you, too.

I am going to look up those websites you mentioned. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Narcissism isn't new in people but it's a new term, so don't beat yourself up for not exploring this earlier.

When I was young I said to my mother, "You act like you think you're the center of the universe." She said, "Doesn't everyone think that?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not alone!! I didn’t realize it until I was googling stuff at age 36, fell down an internet rabbit hole, found that daughters of narc moms website/out of the fog website/reddit’s raised by narc forum ... and holy crap. My mom is textbook, and I mean textbook, NPD. I also felt incredibly stupid for wasting years trying to “calm” her moods and “make” her like me ... not knowing what I was dealing with. Now in my 40s, my resentment is more for the many, many family members who looked the other way during her truly bad emotional abuse of me. I can appreciate, reading about NPD, why they believed her lies and excused her abuse. Years of manipulative tactics plus generations of cowardly people. Honestly I am waiting for emotional abuse to have its #metoo moment because still no one takes me seriously.

NP, here.

I take you seriously. I am sorry it happened to you, too.

I am going to look up those websites you mentioned. Thank you.

Thank you so much for saying so.

[Anonymous]

One of my friends suggested, when I was in my early 30s, that perhaps my mother wasn’t very kind to me. I’d always thought she was the best mother in the world, because my mother said she was. Everything that went wrong was because of my own failings, I thought.

After I had my first baby, some things happened that made me remember my friend’s words. I’ve done a lot since then to repair the damage my narcissistic mother caused.

I hope you can make peace with the life you have, OP (but not necessarily your mother!).

[Anonymous]

I only realized it late in life because she brilliantly deflected attention from it. For decades she complained that her father and XH were narcissists. Which was true! But in time I realized that one reason she hated them so much was... she was one, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends suggested, when I was in my early 30s, that perhaps my mother wasn’t very kind to me. I’d always thought she was the best mother in the world, because my mother said she was. Everything that went wrong was because of my own failings, I thought.

After I had my first baby, some things happened that made me remember my friend’s words. I’ve done a lot since then to repair the damage my narcissistic mother caused.

I hope you can make peace with the life you have, OP (but not necessarily your mother!).

OP here and thank you. Also thank you to the PP who said this was a new term. I feel like less of a fool now for not having the vocabulary at the time.

What baffles me is how there are so many of them out there. Hoping we all (you, me, the others) succeed at better family lives.

[Anonymous]

If it’s any consolation OP, both of my parents are narcissists. My father is overt and my mother is covert. I haven’t had any contact in 2.5 years and it feels great!

[Anonymous]

Forgot to add: realized in my 40s too.