Narcissistic mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. See the reddit called raisedbynarcissists.

OMG. I have found my people. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not alone!! I didn’t realize it until I was googling stuff at age 36, fell down an internet rabbit hole, found that daughters of narc moms website/out of the fog website/reddit’s raised by narc forum ... and holy crap. My mom is textbook, and I mean textbook, NPD. I also felt incredibly stupid for wasting years trying to “calm” her moods and “make” her like me ... not knowing what I was dealing with. Now in my 40s, my resentment is more for the many, many family members who looked the other way during her truly bad emotional abuse of me. I can appreciate, reading about NPD, why they believed her lies and excused her abuse. Years of manipulative tactics plus generations of cowardly people. Honestly I am waiting for emotional abuse to have its #metoo moment because still no one takes me seriously.

NP, here.

I take you seriously. I am sorry it happened to you, too.

I am going to look up those websites you mentioned. Thank you.

Thank you so much for saying so.

You are welcome. I've been reading two of the websites you recommended. On the "Daughters of" website is a list of what a Narc says in English with the Narc "translation." That is telling. Based on that, I suspect my MIL is also one. She says the exact things on the list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I am waiting for emotional abuse to have its #metoo moment because still no one takes me seriously.

Seriously. I used to wish she'd just hit me so that I could feel more comfortable labeling her behavior towards me as 'abuse'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I am waiting for emotional abuse to have its #metoo moment because still no one takes me seriously.

Seriously. I used to wish she'd just hit me so that I could feel more comfortable labeling her behavior towards me as 'abuse'.

Right?? Right??? God yes. I totally get this. What a f-ing mess.

[Anonymous]

How do you know if you’re one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I am waiting for emotional abuse to have its #metoo moment because still no one takes me seriously.

Seriously. I used to wish she'd just hit me so that I could feel more comfortable labeling her behavior towards me as 'abuse'.

I was at dinner with a friend when she said I had been abused. I had never thought of it that way. I had a physical reaction to my friend saying this and it took me days to recover.

But she had had a similar experience. She was right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know if you’re one?

We all have narcissistic tendencies, but a true Narcissist would never ask that question. That’s how you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know if you’re one?

We all have narcissistic tendencies, but a true Narcissist would never ask that question. That’s how you know.

But how common is it for severely dysfunctional parents to have to have severely dysfunctional children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know if you’re one?

We all have narcissistic tendencies, but a true Narcissist would never ask that question. That’s how you know.

But how common is it for severely dysfunctional parents to have to have severely dysfunctional children?

The key to transforming that is to realize what's going on and wanting to change it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know if you’re one?

We all have narcissistic tendencies, but a true Narcissist would never ask that question. That’s how you know.

But how common is it for severely dysfunctional parents to have to have severely dysfunctional children?

The key to transforming that is to realize what's going on and wanting to change it.

I think most mentally struggling people know they have problems, but only a relatively few succeed in healing their dysfunction. That’s why family dysfunction tends repeat itself generation after generation, even with access to mental health professionals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know if you’re one?

We all have narcissistic tendencies, but a true Narcissist would never ask that question. That’s how you know.

But how common is it for severely dysfunctional parents to have to have severely dysfunctional children?

The key to transforming that is to realize what's going on and wanting to change it.

I think most mentally struggling people know they have problems, but only a relatively few succeed in healing their dysfunction. That’s why family dysfunction tends repeat itself generation after generation, even with access to mental health professionals.

Narcissists think it's not them, it's everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know if you’re one?

We all have narcissistic tendencies, but a true Narcissist would never ask that question. That’s how you know.

But how common is it for severely dysfunctional parents to have to have severely dysfunctional children?

The key to transforming that is to realize what's going on and wanting to change it.

I think most mentally struggling people know they have problems, but only a relatively few succeed in healing their dysfunction. That’s why family dysfunction tends repeat itself generation after generation, even with access to mental health professionals.

Narcissists think it's not them, it's everyone else.

Do their children realize they’re likely passing on the dysfunction to their own children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know if you’re one?

We all have narcissistic tendencies, but a true Narcissist would never ask that question. That’s how you know.

But how common is it for severely dysfunctional parents to have to have severely dysfunctional children?

The key to transforming that is to realize what's going on and wanting to change it.

I think most mentally struggling people know they have problems, but only a relatively few succeed in healing their dysfunction. That’s why family dysfunction tends repeat itself generation after generation, even with access to mental health professionals.

Narcissists think it's not them, it's everyone else.

Do their children realize they’re likely passing on the dysfunction to their own children?

Not if they try to figure it out and stop it. My narcissistic mother never once put any thought or effort into improving herself or her relationships or her parenting or the affect she had on others. None. Zero. It doesn't interest her. She also does not care at all if someone else is happy or unhappy, experiencing comfort or discomfort, etc. I'm not perfect but I'm not like that. So I hope I'm giving my kids a completely different experience than the one I had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know if you’re one?

We all have narcissistic tendencies, but a true Narcissist would never ask that question. That’s how you know.

But how common is it for severely dysfunctional parents to have to have severely dysfunctional children?

The key to transforming that is to realize what's going on and wanting to change it.

I think most mentally struggling people know they have problems, but only a relatively few succeed in healing their dysfunction. That’s why family dysfunction tends repeat itself generation after generation, even with access to mental health professionals.

Narcissists think it's not them, it's everyone else.

Do their children realize they’re likely passing on the dysfunction to their own children?

Not if they try to figure it out and stop it. My narcissistic mother never once put any thought or effort into improving herself or her relationships or her parenting or the affect she had on others. None. Zero. It doesn't interest her. She also does not care at all if someone else is happy or unhappy, experiencing comfort or discomfort, etc. I'm not perfect but I'm not like that. So I hope I'm giving my kids a completely different experience than the one I had.

`

I think there are variations depending on who you're dealing with. I also read about the "dependent" narcissistic parent who crowds the kids and makes everything they do or experience about her, emotionally. So in that event she will care if people are happy or unhappy because it has a direct impact on her.

So I think its important to not put down hard and fast rules about narcissistic mothers - though there are definitely benchmarks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I am waiting for emotional abuse to have its #metoo moment because still no one takes me seriously.

Seriously. I used to wish she'd just hit me so that I could feel more comfortable labeling her behavior towards me as 'abuse'.

Yes- thing we’re so much better when my emotional abusive parents started hitting me. Said no one ever.