What does 2 kids in two years (2 and a month) look like?

[Anonymous]

DS will be 2 years and one month when the new baby is born. If you had two in two, what does their relationship look like? Did you do anything special to help them have a good relationship? Older is a boy and younger is a girl.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Read Siblings Without Rivalry. Nurture Shock has a good chapter on siblings too. The research into siblings says that the more you focus on making them “have a good relationship,” the more it will backfire. Instead of making them be fake nice because they are family, instead teach them both good social skills generally—empathy, respect, consideration, communication, compromise, self-awareness and self-expression. If they have positive social skills as individuals, then proximity will be enough for them to be close.

The biggest thing you can do as you make the transition is to model empathy and respect. If your 2 yo is jealous or angry about the baby, acknowledge that. Carve out time for the toddler at specific times each day so that he can predict when he will have your full attention. Let him express all of his real feelings about the baby, good and bad. Simultaneously, teach him how to “listen” to the baby from day one—“She is all done being held now. See how she is pushing away?” “When she smacks her lips, it means she is hungry. I need to feed her now.” “She’s rubbing her face because she’s tired. I’m going to rock her in the chair to get her to sleep.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read Siblings Without Rivalry. Nurture Shock has a good chapter on siblings too. The research into siblings says that the more you focus on making them “have a good relationship,” the more it will backfire. Instead of making them be fake nice because they are family, instead teach them both good social skills generally—empathy, respect, consideration, communication, compromise, self-awareness and self-expression. If they have positive social skills as individuals, then proximity will be enough for them to be close.

The biggest thing you can do as you make the transition is to model empathy and respect. If your 2 yo is jealous or angry about the baby, acknowledge that. Carve out time for the toddler at specific times each day so that he can predict when he will have your full attention. Let him express all of his real feelings about the baby, good and bad. Simultaneously, teach him how to “listen” to the baby from day one—“She is all done being held now. See how she is pushing away?” “When she smacks her lips, it means she is hungry. I need to feed her now.” “She’s rubbing her face because she’s tired. I’m going to rock her in the chair to get her to sleep.”

Brilliant advice! Thank you for taking the time to respond.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 17 months apart. Honestly, we did a ton of "divide and conquer" and accepted the older one regressed for a while. We had a lot of talk about love and how hearts grow more love rather than divide the love they're currently giving the oldest.

Now that they're older (7 and 8) we say a lot of "how can you solve this so it's fair for BOTH of you?" and encourage them to problem solve.

[Anonymous]

My son and daughter were born 16 months apart. They have always been very close right into adulthood.

[Anonymous]

That’s my situation- they are great friends and enemies, but we finished the little kid stage /baby stage quickly and enjoy being with big kids (no naps and travel)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read Siblings Without Rivalry. Nurture Shock has a good chapter on siblings too. The research into siblings says that the more you focus on making them “have a good relationship,” the more it will backfire. Instead of making them be fake nice because they are family, instead teach them both good social skills generally—empathy, respect, consideration, communication, compromise, self-awareness and self-expression. If they have positive social skills as individuals, then proximity will be enough for them to be close.

The biggest thing you can do as you make the transition is to model empathy and respect. If your 2 yo is jealous or angry about the baby, acknowledge that. Carve out time for the toddler at specific times each day so that he can predict when he will have your full attention. Let him express all of his real feelings about the baby, good and bad. Simultaneously, teach him how to “listen” to the baby from day one—“She is all done being held now. See how she is pushing away?” “When she smacks her lips, it means she is hungry. I need to feed her now.” “She’s rubbing her face because she’s tired. I’m going to rock her in the chair to get her to sleep.”

+1 on siblings without rivalry. It’s a fantastic book and worked wonders in our house.

[Anonymous]

They will be each other’s first true peer relationship and will fight and play endlessly. It will evolve as they grow and expand their social world but we have found they will become their sibling’s confidant.

[Anonymous]

I’m the above poster and have the same, older boy and younger girl and they are best friends. They fight, but work it out on their own and share each other’s accomplishments. It’s very sweet.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 12 and 10 now and fight pretty fiercely. They have their moments of bonding - mostly holidays or vacations, board game nights if they play as a team. My oldest is a girl and that can make it harder - son is definitely closer to his brother than to her, and because girls just mature more quickly, she can find him just so terribly irritating and just doesn’t understand that he is still fairly childish while she verges on the teen years and prides maturity. You might find it easier having the oldest as the girl:

[Anonymous]

It’s been pretty great! Mine are exactly two years apart, boy-girl, and have always been the best of friends. After the youngest turned 1.5 or 2, they started playing together happily and independent of us (which was great!).

The first year of having the second was a hell of a lot of work on no sleep for DH and I but all in all doable.

Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Mine, 2yrs 6wks apart, are best friends. My boys rarely fight, they laugh a lot and they play cooperatively. It's been this way from the start, basically. Ages 10 &12.

[Anonymous]

I loved this spacing. I often told the baby “not now, I have to help Older get a glass of milk” or whatever. Even while the baby was sleeping. Just to make the older one feel like I was choosing him sometimes.

Never say you have to leave the park bc baby needs a nap/to eat even when it’s true. Who could like someone who always make you leave a fun place before you want to?

Give the older credit when the baby learns something like, “look, she rolled over! She learned that from you!”

Don’t ever make it the older kid’s job to protect or look after the baby (until they are pretty old), and lay off talk of how fun it is to be big. You are aiming fo close comrades, not a hierarchical relationship.

You got this OP! Congrats!

[Anonymous]

2 years and 2 weeks apart for us. The first year was tough. I remember a bit a regression in the older one - toilet-training, wanting a bottle type of stuff. Other than the birthday onslaught of one after the other (and both were born right after the holidays), we've been happy with the spacing.

[Anonymous]

My girls are 2 years and 2 mos apart. I didn’t specifically do things to foster their relationship, but they are very close, much closer than I am with my own sister (2 years younger). It’s also very dependent on personalities. Congrats on the baby!