Toxic Masculinity and Raising Boys

[Anonymous]

What are you best tips for raising kind, sensitive, well-adjusted, caring boys who are in tune with their own feelings and those of others?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think there are “tips” for this. You’re either all in on the idea that they are complete humans with a full range of emotions and the right to any expression of self they prefer, or no.

[Anonymous]

Push back on the idea that there are boy colors and girls colors.

Same for jobs and tasks.
Let your boy cry and never stop talking through his feelings with him.

[Anonymous]

Lead by example for all of your children.

[Anonymous]

Let them act like boys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let them act like boys

+1

Your social engineering experiment will not end well, OP.

[Anonymous]

Liz Plank just wrote a really great book about this, For the Love of Men: A New Vision for Mindful Masculinity. It rejects the term "toxic masculinity" in favor of "idealized masculinity" and is full of data. I highly recommend it.

(No I am not the author or affiliated with her in any way, I just think it's a great book.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let them act like boys

I guess first, don't say shit like this.

Let them be whoever they want to be, which might be a hard charging sports type or might be a sensitive creative type. Or both at different times.

It's not social engineering. It's recognizing that boys who don't come in the traditional boy package often get a lot of strong pressure, from adults and from other kids (who learn it from adults) to act "like a boy" whatever the hell that means. So just don't be that person in their life because they'll get it plenty from the outside world.

As for practical tips, with all my kids (boy and girls) we constantly stress being kind, inclusive, noticing how other people are feeling based on their facial expression and body language and how they're acting toward you, etc. My son is actually better at this naturally than his sisters, for what that's worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let them act like boys

Please. Tell us what boys act like.

You are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let them act like boys

Please. Tell us what boys act like.

You are the problem.

No. You are the problem.

Also if they want to act like girls let them act like girls.

Stop making people suppress who they are.

[Anonymous]

When did being masculine become "toxic"? The grown men that I know of all ages are all kind, well adjusted and caring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let them act like boys

I guess first, don't say shit like this.

Let them be whoever they want to be, which might be a hard charging sports type or might be a sensitive creative type. Or both at different times.

It's not social engineering. It's recognizing that boys who don't come in the traditional boy package often get a lot of strong pressure, from adults and from other kids (who learn it from adults) to act "like a boy" whatever the hell that means. So just don't be that person in their life because they'll get it plenty from the outside world.

As for practical tips, with all my kids (boy and girls) we constantly stress being kind, inclusive, noticing how other people are feeling based on their facial expression and body language and how they're acting toward you, etc. My son is actually better at this naturally than his sisters, for what that's worth.

You know what it means since you defined it in your post.

Also don’t make them be boys if that is not natural, let them if they care to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did being masculine become "toxic"? The grown men that I know of all ages are all kind, well adjusted and caring.

Have you met one whose mom tried to heavy hand them into being quiet and suppress being boy like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did being masculine become "toxic"? The grown men that I know of all ages are all kind, well adjusted and caring.

When threatened conservatives like you decided to get overly defensive and willfully ignore that people are talking about the masculinity that runs through gun culture, rape culture, men must earn tons of money or they’re useless culture and so on. That’s toxic. Masculinity in itself is not. Stop being dense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let them act like boys

I guess first, don't say shit like this.

Let them be whoever they want to be, which might be a hard charging sports type or might be a sensitive creative type. Or both at different times.

It's not social engineering. It's recognizing that boys who don't come in the traditional boy package often get a lot of strong pressure, from adults and from other kids (who learn it from adults) to act "like a boy" whatever the hell that means. So just don't be that person in their life because they'll get it plenty from the outside world.

As for practical tips, with all my kids (boy and girls) we constantly stress being kind, inclusive, noticing how other people are feeling based on their facial expression and body language and how they're acting toward you, etc. My son is actually better at this naturally than his sisters, for what that's worth.

You know what it means since you defined it in your post.

Also don’t make them be boys if that is not natural, let them if they care to.

Of course I know what it means to act like a boy at this time and place in our culture. That is the whole point actually. We all know what it means because it's all around us and drilled into us many different ways from the time we are infants.