Toxic Masculinity and Raising Boys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did being masculine become "toxic"? The grown men that I know of all ages are all kind, well adjusted and caring.

Really? Because I know some real assholes. But good for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Push back on the idea that there are boy colors and girls colors.

Same for jobs and tasks.
Let your boy cry and never stop talking through his feelings with him.

no boys toys or girls toys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did being masculine become "toxic"? The grown men that I know of all ages are all kind, well adjusted and caring.

Really? Because I know some real assholes. But good for you.

Totally. I mean, just look around . . .

This is an interesting article about the pitfalls and horrors of "being a boy":
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/01/the-miseducation-of-the-american-boy/603046/

One of the key points for me was the man who said that every boy will have moments when he's invited to join in the metaphorical club of assholes (he may have used another noun). We need to prepare boys and girls for those moments, so they know how to recognize them and react.

[Anonymous]

I have six brothers and my parents just set a good example. My Dad was always very respectful and loving with my mother and she was strong and independent. None of them ever became frat boy types and they have all been married for a long time. And, their son’s are all very good young men. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree so set a good example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did being masculine become "toxic"? The grown men that I know of all ages are all kind, well adjusted and caring.

+1000

[Anonymous]

The same way we ensure that girls don’t express toxic femininity—reach them not to be self-absorbed, narcissistic, assholes. .

[Anonymous]

Good grief. The most toxic people I have ever had to deal with were women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good grief. The most toxic people I have ever had to deal with were women.

Their toxicity kills people a lot less often, though.

[Anonymous]

Learn how to play the guitar, be good at at least two sports, learn how to drive a car with a manual transmission, be able to fix things, and do a couple years in the military.

[Anonymous]

The Atlantic has a great article on this.

[Anonymous]

Teaching emotional intelligence (being able to identify and express feelings, recognizing them in others) and empathy. The world would be a really different place if more people were empathetic.

[Anonymous]

1. Don’t label them. Let them be whoever they are.

2. Love them unconditionally.

3. Set boundaries. Teach manners.

4. Model empathy. Teach them to be kind.

5. Respect them, and teach them how to respect others.

6. Explain that they aren’t the center of the universe. Rather, they are part of a family unit, a community and a global community—and they have responsibilities.

7. Teach them how to clean up after themselves, how to cook, and how to be a self-sufficient human.

8. Demonstrate a healthy marriage where the parents are true partners who strive to make each other’s life easier.

I could go on, but that’s the basic stuff. It’s all common sense.

Signed,

Mother of 4 boys

PS - There’s no such thing as toxic masculinity...that’s just a clickbait phrase coined to sell books/articles. Some guys are just jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Don’t label them. Let them be whoever they are.

2. Love them unconditionally.

3. Set boundaries. Teach manners.

4. Model empathy. Teach them to be kind.

5. Respect them, and teach them how to respect others.

6. Explain that they aren’t the center of the universe. Rather, they are part of a family unit, a community and a global community—and they have responsibilities.

7. Teach them how to clean up after themselves, how to cook, and how to be a self-sufficient human.

8. Demonstrate a healthy marriage where the parents are true partners who strive to make each other’s life easier.

I could go on, but that’s the basic stuff. It’s all common sense.

Signed,

Mother of 4 boys

PS - There’s no such thing as toxic masculinity...that’s just a clickbait phrase coined to sell books/articles. Some guys are just jerks.

You should definitely read the piece in the Atlantic posted above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Don’t label them. Let them be whoever they are.

2. Love them unconditionally.

3. Set boundaries. Teach manners.

4. Model empathy. Teach them to be kind.

5. Respect them, and teach them how to respect others.

6. Explain that they aren’t the center of the universe. Rather, they are part of a family unit, a community and a global community—and they have responsibilities.

7. Teach them how to clean up after themselves, how to cook, and how to be a self-sufficient human.

8. Demonstrate a healthy marriage where the parents are true partners who strive to make each other’s life easier.

I could go on, but that’s the basic stuff. It’s all common sense.

Signed,

Mother of 4 boys

PS - There’s no such thing as toxic masculinity...that’s just a clickbait phrase coined to sell books/articles. Some guys are just jerks.

You should definitely read the piece in the Atlantic posted above.

That being an opinion piece taken from a book written by a woman who also writes on how to raise girls. In her opinion.

[Anonymous]

Teach them to ask, not assume that they can join/take/touch/etc. Teach them that if they do ask and the answer is no, that’s ok and they can respectfully move on.

My elementary dd has already had countless times of play/conversations/etc being intruded on by boys who thought they could just insert themselves into the activity and participate or take over because it was interesting to them. And some of them, if she has asked for boundaries, have been angry and lashed out. And it’s not just my dd - I’ve watched this happen in plenty of other playground scenarios. Teachers intervene, but parents need to teach rudimentary consent from a much younger age. Boys need to be able to take no for an answer.