Survival tips for hosts and for guests
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Anonymous
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We love our families and our ILs. Well, we like them. We tolerate them. It's complicated.
Even under the best of circumstances, it can be tough to be a host--or to be a guest--over the holidays. What are your best survival tips? As a host: -I keep a hidden stash of snacks for myself in my room. If I need to, I can turn in early and still have some "me time" in my room with a snack or two. My ILs like to stay up until 11, chatting. I'm done being social at about 9. I love my stash and my iPad. -I always "forget" one non-crucial thing. If I need 10 minutes of sanity, I go out to the grocery or the liquor store by myself. If I need to get someone out of the house, I send them to the store to get it. As a guest: -Also a secret stash of snacks. -"Going for a run," which is really more of a stroll with an audiobook. If I say "walk," others might join me. When I say "run," I mean "run until I'm out of sight." |
Anonymous
| I cook elaborate things so that I'm in the kitchen a lot when my ILs are around. It's win-win, because then we all get to enjoy the food! |
Anonymous
| This year, I am 100% stealing that other OP's idea of bringing a huge basket from Harry & David that I "won" to circumvent the no food issue. We do what we need to do to feed ourselves and our kids, but there is always grousing. I think this solution is brilliant. |
Anonymous
| When I'm a guest, I always volunteer to do the dishes so the hosts can relax. Then, I essentially get some introver time where I can just be quiet and stay focused on a task. |
Anonymous
| Lorazepam |
Anonymous
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As PP mentioned, going for a run! Second best idea: very long walks or hikes! Not everyone can go! Too bad! I announce I'm going on a fitness walk, not a stroll. Who's with me? We're going to do at least one mile and I'm fast.
Another hint; find a playground. Grab your favorite, younger IL or relative to accompany you and your DC. Or not. Great thing with going to a playground is that you set the schedule. Maybe you'll stay for an hour. Maybe a side trip on the way back? Who wants to get in the car and drive around to see Christmas Lights? Part of the fun is just driving around, or away to look for great displays. |
Anonymous
| Think outside the box. I was always uncomfortable going to IL's church for Christmas Eve service in their hometown. It was not what I wanted to do. It meant so much for them to show off their grandchildren. So I made a new tradition of staying home (well, at their home) Home by the fire, with hot chocolate, watching some Christmas Special. Me time. They are home soon enough. And there's plenty of time, the rest of the evening, for more togetherness. |
Anonymous
Please put some in my stocking. |
Anonymous
| I bring alcohol. Lots of alcohol. I notice that my ILs do that when we come here, too. Whatever works! |
Anonymous
| Why so antisocial? Why even pretend? |
Anonymous
Marital harmony? My last IL visit ended with a huge screaming match with MIL and also co.busted with BIL's wife. I finally didn't pretend. They showed up and stayed, univited, for 3 days knowing I was extremely ill. They proceeded to snipe and make nasty snarky comments about what a poor host I am, which I called them out on. Unfortunately MIL decided to really kick things off by coming into my bedroom Sunday morning to shout about how her son doesn't respond quickly enough to her texts/calls and why isn't she invited over more? She admitted feeling neglected because she only invites herself over every other week. Quite literally and no, she didn't knoxk before entering. She lives 2h away. She was all upset because SO confronted her about harassing me about the unopened boxes in our garage from the recent move and her insisting I begin immediately unpacking them with her at 9pm on a Saturday night. Needless to say, the timing of all this is awkward but I'm not sorry. The best gift you can give yourself is sparing the dread and resentment of dealing 3unpleasant people. This just happened to be a good opening after particularly egregious behavior to remind/enforce boundaries. They'll either shape up or be sent home. Life is short and their behavior is escalating over time into consistently verbally abusive. For more reasonable people, I bring food & drinks, set up games, tickets to an event/movie, whatever. Or I just announce I'll be having a walk for fresh air or a rest and see them in a bit. |
Anonymous
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When my ILs criticize something/comment on something that is none of their business, or when they try to intrude by "helping" with things that they really are just drawing critical attention to, I see how far I can stretch Cheerful Dumb DIL. It's almost a game to me.
"Jane, you should let me organize your linen closet. It's such a disaster." [Big, bland smile] "Oh, you're so sweet! Don't worry about it. You're always asking why you can't see Little Billy more, so I know you want to spend time with him. You just relax and play with Little Billy." "Jane, you should let me stuff the turkey. I know you worry about cooking temperatures and bacteria, but I know how to do it the right way. You just leave the turkey to me." [Big, bland smile.] "Oh no, Judy! You're our guest. Please relax and try that new prosecco and let me know if you like it." |
Anonymous
If you need drugs then you have a problem. I have an open kitchen policy as long as you clean up your mess and NEVER AND I MEAN NEVER leave dishes in sink! Doing this will turn me into a wicked witch. I also have "library" with recliners, no TV, where people can go for peace and quiet. TV for sports is in basement with ample seating and another "den" on main floor with TV for those who don't like sports. Thankfully, no one has small children and my animals are the only ones allowed. It works well. We also have plenty of food and grown children are free to invite friends |
Anonymous
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As a host, I am there to pamper my guests. My survival tip is for before the guests come. My one rule is that I do not allow pets or smoking inside the house
1) I pay extra to my cleaning lady and use her help in the weeks leading up to the visit to clean and organize the house. 2) Ask what the guests need (special milk, food allergies) and accommodate that. 3) I have a guest suite and I load it up with everything they might need, similar to a hotel suite. Fridge, microwave, coffee maker, TV, wifi, snacks, fruits, ironing board, spa products for the bathroom, jacuzzi, magnifying mirror, hair dryer, heating pad, robe, lots of towels, waste paper basket, tampons and pads, extra toothbrush, chocolates, phone and ipad charger, extra laptop. 4) Keep a collection of take out menus in the kitchen. 5) Keep our 3rd car serviced and clean, and the tank filled. |
Anonymous
Nice! |