When/how to intro your SO to your ex?
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Anonymous
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My SO and I have been dating for a year. We introduced our kids this fall and everything is going great. The kids get along really well and we all have fun together. Both of us told our ex’s about the kids meeting us and the other kids before it happened. Not much fanfare with that.
We’re planning a trip with all of us for spring break. We booked a place two weeks ago and told the kids last week. Both of us put the trip on our individual calendars shared with our ex’s, location included. The kids are super excited. All the sudden my SOs ex feels compelled to meet me. She got in touch with him today telling him no PDA allowed, and all kind of things that she doesn’t approve of regarding me, even though she doesn’t know me. My SO told her no, that she cannot dictate the terms of how we interact, and told her to trust him. He told her he would leave it up to me if I want to meet her. I’m okay with meeting her. Even if she’s going about it wrong, and being a bit controlling In her approach, I get wanting to meet someone who is spending lots of time with your kids. So, how do we do this? Coffee somewhere? A quick handshake at a drop off? I have between now and April to figure it out... |
Anonymous
| You again? |
Anonymous
| How old are the kids? |
Anonymous
| She’s right about no PDA and right to want to meet you. |
Anonymous
(Also fwiw, it was a d*ck move for your boyfriend to brush her off like that. she is their parent and she has the right to discuss this stuff with her coparent. him refusing to discuss it with her and saying “trust me” shows an utter lack of respect and cooperation. hope you have your antenna out for when he dismisses you in the same way.) |
Anonymous
What? I’ve not posted before |
Anonymous
His are 13 and 8 |
Anonymous
Of course she’s right. That’s not what this was about. I am trying to figure out how best to do it. |
Anonymous
Sorry, I thought you were the poster who keeps posting about her new SO and their kids vacationing together. |
Anonymous
It totally is the same poster... |
Anonymous
Nope. Not me. But if that thread had advice on how to take a ton of kids to the beach for a week and not pull your hair out... point me in that direction! 
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Anonymous
I think DCUM talked that OP out of it, but I swear she’ll be back in a week with more ill-thought out plans. |
Anonymous
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Ignoring all the previous snarkiness...
OP, how would you want to proceed when meeting your ex's new SO who was going to go on an extended vacation with your kids? I think putting yourself in her shoes should help you think it through. If it were me I might want to go someplace where we didn't have to just sit and stare at each other but there was something else to engage in/talk about - like a museum or an aquarium or a zoo or something. That'd give you all something else to focus on during the initial weirdness besides the fact that you're all together in the same space. |
Anonymous
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Meet at starbucks. Keep it short and sweet, and whatever you do, DO NOT let the meeting become adversarial. If it seems to be going that way, find a way to end it.
If you had anything to do with the divorce (ie, you were the Other Woman) you need to go into the meeting understanding that you've already demonstrated that you are untrustworthy and uninterested in the best interests of her children. |
Anonymous
| I would not meet her. Has your ex gone out with all her newest partners? |