The ex and social media
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Anonymous
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Are you still friends with your ex on social media?
My ex and I are still friends on social media even though we’ve been divorced for 2 years, and we don’t really have a good relationship post divorce. Neither of us post very often, me once every week or two, him once a month or so. We have three kids together, and that is why I held onto the idea of staying friends. We’ve never talked about it... anyway, I don’t seek out his posts, and generally don’t even remember we’re friends. But when I post a story, he always views. I wouldn’t care but there is a part of me that wonders why we’re friends when I see that, as though it would be nice to not have that connection. I’m sure this will be asked- my choice to initiate the divorce because of his controlling and anxious nature. I feel like a bird set free ever since we divorced. |
Anonymous
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If he’s controlling, you should unfriend him. Otherwise, he’s probably gathering intel in his mind. You may not be doing anything wrong at all, but out of context posts and photos can be introduced in court and put you on the defensive. I’ve had to unfriend a few people to protect myself from my ex.
He may not even notice immediately that you have unfriended him. |
Anonymous
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DH here. My ex-DW unfriended me shortly after divorce became official.
IMO, she did both of us a favor. We actually get along quite well but I have no need to see what she’s up to on FB. |
Anonymous
Neither of us post a ton, so I don’t think I would “miss anything important”- like what is on FB is important. Ha. Is it weird Still being friends with lots of mutual people and not her? We have a huge overlap of friends due to being married for so long. I do wonder if it will be odd to be friends with his parents and cousins etc and not him. |
Anonymous
| If his parents are your friend and he’s friends with his parents he still gonna be able to see everything. |
Anonymous
| OP, you divorced him. As for social media, all your posts do is scream "look at me and the cool stuff I did." He looks at them. if you don't like it, block him. You are have bigger issues in life. |
Anonymous
And he’s friends with all my family.... |
Anonymous
DH here. We have a lot of mutual friends but I don’t see her posts as a result of that. Nothing weird about that. A respectful distance, at least for us, seems to be a good thing. We were married for well over 20 years and I’m grateful for the relationship we have today. For example, when our son got married this past August we both walked him down the aisle. At the reception I sat with my LT GF, she sat with her BF. But when they introduced the bridal party we asked to be introduced together as Larlo’s parents. Our SO’s were good with that and we all had a nice time. |
Anonymous
| Set your privacy setting so that only your friends can see you posts. Then restrict your ex and his family from seeing anything you post. I believe they can still see they’re friends with you and when you change your profile and cover photos but shouldn’t be able to see your actual posts. It’s a lame way out but it will prevent him from exposure into your current life without being so obvious as to actually unfriend him. Also restrict them from seeing your friends list. I Facebook stalked my ex for a hot second after we split and would get triggered any time I saw he had a new female friend. Stupid I know but something I went through. |
Anonymous
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I removed my ex and those that were his friends. Kept one former brother-in-law (married to ex’s sister, but now divorced) as a Fb friend. Our breakup was bad. I didn’t like his friends. No need to keep in regular touch and feel self conscious online. I have his phone number and email address if I ever need him.
Like you, my ex was controlling and anxious. And depressed, often staying in that state by choice — he’s an artist and felt his most creative works came out of those periods? No thank you; those years together were miserable and I don’t need reminders. |
Anonymous
It's also going to keep new relationships away. Many will catch on to that right away and pass. At this point either get off social media, or start a new profile without accepting him as a friend. Keep the old one up as a decoy, lol. |
Anonymous
| My ex and I are not friends on social media. It's partly because he keeps his social media super locked down due to his military intel job, so he rarely posts or lurks anyway. If he wanted to be FB friends, I'd accept. But I've never suggested it because (a) our politics are really different and sometimes I want to be free to post stuff that might annoy him, and (b) he knows enough about my life already. He doesn't really need to know that on a night off from my kid, I'm posting from 4 different bars with my friends. I also don't need him wondering if I'm dating any of the dudes with whom I'm friends. (I'm not.) |
Anonymous
| I have over 10 Facebook friends who are my exes. None are an ex wife. They all behave pretty well and don't cause trouble. I did have to block one. |
Anonymous
Difference between you and OP is that your ex isn’t controlling. |
Anonymous
| My controlling ex is blocked, as is his entire family. I don’t need them to see anything about my life on social media. |