Asking my 13 yo to look at people when he talks to them

[Anonymous]

He is not autistic, but I have noticed that he doesn't look at anyone in the face when he talks to them (including me). What's a nice way of telling him that he needs to look at people and not to the side? I don't want him to feel more self conscious than he already does, but I find this strange. Also, this takes practice, right? FWIW, we do come from a culture where people don't necessarily look at people directly when talking to them but he's 2nd generation and has never been to my home country. Coach me through this problem, parents. TIA.

[Anonymous]

I would just get down to his physical level, take both of his hands, and gently say that he needs to look me in the eye when he speaks to me. You stand back up, he does it and you finish/extend your conversation.

Then at another time you have a conversation about looking folks in the eye. Thats what I would do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is not autistic, but I have noticed that he doesn't look at anyone in the face when he talks to them (including me). What's a nice way of telling him that he needs to look at people and not to the side? I don't want him to feel more self conscious than he already does, but I find this strange. Also, this takes practice, right? FWIW, we do come from a culture where people don't necessarily look at people directly when talking to them but he's 2nd generation and has never been to my home country. Coach me through this problem, parents. TIA.

Is this a new thing or has it always been this way? I'd look into what happened if it just started. I caught my kid starting at age 2 to look me in my eyes. Sometimes I wait until there is eye contact until speaking or responding. Maybe he can take an improv class.

[Anonymous]

DD with social anxiety is like this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD with social anxiety is like this

This.

[Anonymous]

Have him glance at people. Or tell them to look at people’s forehead. I have adhd and am terrible about looking at people when I talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just get down to his physical level, take both of his hands, and gently say that he needs to look me in the eye when he speaks to me. You stand back up, he does it and you finish/extend your conversation.

Then at another time you have a conversation about looking folks in the eye. Thats what I would do.

Uh, many 13 YOs are taller than their moms.

[Anonymous]

Eye contact makes some people, not just autistic people, uncomfortable. Suggest to him that is he doesn't feel comfortable with eye contact, he can look at the bridge of the person's nose. That's the advice from my autistic daughter's therapist.

[Anonymous]

My kid is like this. Looks at the ceiling when thinking out loud, looks at the table as if he is reading notes about what he's saying. Its almost like he's concentrating so hard on what to say that he forgets he's talking TO someone. Only started during the self conscious pre teen years.

We've developed a subtle hand gesture to remind him to look at people. When no one else is around (so not embarrassing), I might say "find my eyes" or do the "I'm looking at you" gesture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just get down to his physical level, take both of his hands, and gently say that he needs to look me in the eye when he speaks to me. You stand back up, he does it and you finish/extend your conversation.

Then at another time you have a conversation about looking folks in the eye. Thats what I would do.

Uh, many 13 YOs are taller than their moms.

I was thinking exactly the same thing PP. I guess in some cases it would require
a parent to take a stool to get to his physical level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is not autistic, but I have noticed that he doesn't look at anyone in the face when he talks to them (including me). What's a nice way of telling him that he needs to look at people and not to the side? I don't want him to feel more self conscious than he already does, but I find this strange. Also, this takes practice, right? FWIW, we do come from a culture where people don't necessarily look at people directly when talking to them but he's 2nd generation and has never been to my home country. Coach me through this problem, parents. TIA.

When you say your DS is not autistic you mean he had been tested or you assume he is not. He can have Asperger's
that is a high functioning autism and you can never tell most people have it. One of the symptoms is not looking at people faces. Just in case do check the list of Aspies kids traits.

[Anonymous]

You realize that autism is now described as an extreme version of "maleness" right?

Do not make a big deal of this. And to the poster talking about holding his hands and peering into his face - OMG go back to the toddlers board.

He is THIRTEEN there are changes a foot. Go with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You realize that autism is now described as an extreme version of "maleness" right?

Do not make a big deal of this. And to the poster talking about holding his hands and peering into his face - OMG go back to the toddlers board.

He is THIRTEEN there are changes a foot. Go with it.

There’s no such thing as a connection between autism and maleness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is not autistic, but I have noticed that he doesn't look at anyone in the face when he talks to them (including me). What's a nice way of telling him that he needs to look at people and not to the side? I don't want him to feel more self conscious than he already does, but I find this strange. Also, this takes practice, right? FWIW, we do come from a culture where people don't necessarily look at people directly when talking to them but he's 2nd generation and has never been to my home country. Coach me through this problem, parents. TIA.

When you say your DS is not autistic you mean he had been tested or you assume he is not. He can have Asperger's
that is a high functioning autism and you can never tell most people have it. One of the symptoms is not looking at people faces. Just in case do check the list of Aspies kids traits.

Ha. Not true. By definition ASD is extreme.

[Anonymous]

I would start with teaching him how to shake hands and say hello and look you in the eye. Do it once a day, it will become 2nd nature.

I would ask him to look at you and have a 15 minute conversation every night, sitting at the table for dinner... or 4 nights a week, or how every many nights you eat dinner together.

Ask his teacher to be aware of it.


I would not make a big deal about it and I would not "demand" it in public in front of others. I have a friend that always barks at her kids, "look mrs, x in the eye" .. it's weird and awkward.

Also I would observe if he looks his friends in the eyes. If he does, I would not stress too much about it.