Asking my 13 yo to look at people when he talks to them

[Anonymous]

My son has ADHD and has always struggled with eye contact. I just remind him regularly. He's getting better, but it's still a struggle.

[Anonymous]

Don't force him to make eye contact!! That's not nice. Do teach him that eye contact shows people that you hear them in settings where it's important that he conveys that, and it also helps communicate in settings like stores etc. Coach him through eye contact only in those specific scenarios where it's necessary for him to give non-verbal confirmation that he is listening.

[Anonymous]

You got it, practice, practice, remind, model. Make sure your DH also helps with this; and mention to his teacher for advice and assistance.

[Anonymous]

The "don't force it" people are doing their kids a huge disservice. Kids need to be taught the rules of social convention and this is a huge one. I remind my boys ALL the time. One has some social anxiety and struggles the most with this but is helped by the gentle reminders. I just do it matter-of-factly and they don't seem to mind at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The "don't force it" people are doing their kids a huge disservice. Kids need to be taught the rules of social convention and this is a huge one. I remind my boys ALL the time. One has some social anxiety and struggles the most with this but is helped by the gentle reminders. I just do it matter-of-factly and they don't seem to mind at all.

This. I always remind my kids to look people in the eye when they speak to them. If they are speaking to me or I am speaking to them and they are looking somewhere else I say "hey, eyes over here". You don't have to be a jerk about it but you shouldn't let it slide either. It's important, like a good handshake.

[Anonymous]

Teach hand shakes while you are at it.

[Anonymous]

Tell him how some people might interpret it in a soft way and you're not sure that's what he wants.

Suggest he practice at home.

Could be a habit, but I would think something is making him uncomfortable or he doesn't feel confident about something.

Also be mindful if you have a critical look on your face when he talks.

[Anonymous]

Also, people, I realize that, importantly, we are all becoming more aware of autism, but please do not peg every kid who doesn't make eye contact as autistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You realize that autism is now described as an extreme version of "maleness" right?

Do not make a big deal of this. And to the poster talking about holding his hands and peering into his face - OMG go back to the toddlers board.

He is THIRTEEN there are changes a foot. Go with it.

There’s no such thing as a connection between autism and maleness.

yes there is https://iancommunity.org/cs/understanding_research/extreme_male_brain

[Anonymous]

I remind my kids all the time to look people in the eye. I think it so important, like brush your teeth before you go to bed. My kids can get offended when I offer suggestions, but they get this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, people, I realize that, importantly, we are all becoming more aware of autism, but please do not peg every kid who doesn't make eye contact as autistic.

Yes, many kids do this.k

[Anonymous]

I require my kids to stand tall and straight and to look everyone in the eyes. They all do. Four of mine are adults. They have been raised to meet people's eyes, especially mine. Better look me in the eyes while I'm talking to you if you're my kid, because if you don't, I am going to ask you why you won't, and 99.9% of the time, I already know the answer.
I am not exactly sure why you need a nice way to go about it, though. Just tell your kid to do it, and remind them every time until they do it automatically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't force him to make eye contact!! That's not nice. Do teach him that eye contact shows people that you hear them in settings where it's important that he conveys that, and it also helps communicate in settings like stores etc. Coach him through eye contact only in those specific scenarios where it's necessary for him to give non-verbal confirmation that he is listening.

This this this. Please ignore the posters who are coming in digging in their heels and acting like tough guys about forcing this. It's not okay. They don't even realize what they're doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "don't force it" people are doing their kids a huge disservice. Kids need to be taught the rules of social convention and this is a huge one. I remind my boys ALL the time. One has some social anxiety and struggles the most with this but is helped by the gentle reminders. I just do it matter-of-factly and they don't seem to mind at all.

This. I always remind my kids to look people in the eye when they speak to them. If they are speaking to me or I am speaking to them and they are looking somewhere else I say "hey, eyes over here". You don't have to be a jerk about it but you shouldn't let it slide either. It's important, like a good handshake.

Totally agree!

[Anonymous]

I have problems with eye contact (no autism, yes mild social anxiety) and it’s a very sensitive subject for me. So please tread lightly. But do help your DS with this, because it’s something that has caused problems for me in various domains of life. Maybe google tips you can share (like looking at people’s eyebrows or taking short breaks). And maybe have him practice with you once in a while when it feels natural and give lots of positive feedback and make it feel good to him.