What do you expect from your kids as adults?

[Anonymous]

You raised and sacrificed for them. Do you have any expectations for the relationship? As you age?

[Anonymous]

I would like them to be respectful and care about me/dh and show an interest in my life like I do in theirs. For them to feel that our house is their home and they actively want to visit and spend time with us. Maybe vacation with us somewhere fun every once in a while or a cruise when I'm old and not as spy. For them to share their lives with us in person, phone etc and let us be involved.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s an expectation, but I really hope that when they look back they will forgive the mistakes I made and know that I really, truly have loved them through and through from the day I set eyes on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like them to be respectful and care about me/dh and show an interest in my life like I do in theirs. For them to feel that our house is their home and they actively want to visit and spend time with us. Maybe vacation with us somewhere fun every once in a while or a cruise when I'm old and not as spy. For them to share their lives with us in person, phone etc and let us be involved.

This.

In short: I hope they love us as much as we love them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s an expectation, but I really hope that when they look back they will forgive the mistakes I made and know that I really, truly have loved them through and through from the day I set eyes on them.

+1. Well said. Love this.

[Anonymous]

I want grandbabies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s an expectation, but I really hope that when they look back they will forgive the mistakes I made and know that I really, truly have loved them through and through from the day I set eyes on them.

This is lovely and I hope you give the same to your parents. So many on DCUM hate their parents.

[Anonymous]

Why do you ask Op? You to first.

[Anonymous]

You go first

[Anonymous]

I had hopes for my three and they are achieving them. I will skip all of the dimensions but I’m really proud of them. For my husband and me it was a shared goal and it took a lot of work but at the time it was just working together to raise a family. We had a lot of fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s an expectation, but I really hope that when they look back they will forgive the mistakes I made and know that I really, truly have loved them through and through from the day I set eyes on them.

This is lovely and I hope you give the same to your parents. So many on DCUM hate their parents.

I'm glad I came back to this thread so I could respond to this and say that yes, I have forgiven my parents their mistakes. And my parents made a lot of mistakes! I'm sure some they realized at the time and some they didn't even know I consider to be a mistake. I've always loved my parents but I did harbor anger towards them for some things. And then one day I realized that they did the best they could, however imperfectly, at the time. I tried to look at it through their lens rather than just seeing the effects of whatever happened on me. And, it was a gift. Not just a gift to them, but a gift to myself as well. It allowed me to release any anger I still harbored toward them to see them, really seem them, as the flawed human beings we all are, and to love them more completely. In my own parenting I've tried not to make the mistakes they made, but I'm sure my kids will grow up and wish I had done this or that thing differently. Even now, as the parent of tweens, I look back and wish I'd done this or that differently! But I always try my best to provide them with the best life I can and the tools to live a full, happy life.

[Anonymous]

Parenting young adults is so different than parenting children. Mine are 23 and 21 and are just starting their adult lives.

I want them to be happy.
I want them to have a partner they love and who loves them.
I want them to have a job or career that is meaningful to them
I want them to have a good income and health care.

I don't really have expectations of how they will remain in my life. It's more that I don't want to be a burden to them. I feel this strongly as I am coping with my 90 year old Dad.

[Anonymous]

The best parenting advice I ever got was "you get what you put in". So I hope eventually I get back the love, affection and care that I have put in. I think a lot of people are rightfully bitter towards their parents because their parents didn't put that much in when they were growing up and now expect a lot in return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best parenting advice I ever got was "you get what you put in". So I hope eventually I get back the love, affection and care that I have put in. I think a lot of people are rightfully bitter towards their parents because their parents didn't put that much in when they were growing up and now expect a lot in return.

I think that this advice might set you up for disappointment. It would be wonderful if you get back what you put in, but I think that is often not the way. (I don't think you are saying this, but a hypothetical might be a parent thinking that they took care of their kids when their kids needed it, so kids should take care of their parents when parents need it; while the kid may feel it's each person's responsibility to take care of themselves so not want to be responsible for their parents). It is also the case that kids may not perceive what you put in the same way that you perceive it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like them to be respectful and care about me/dh and show an interest in my life like I do in theirs. For them to feel that our house is their home and they actively want to visit and spend time with us. Maybe vacation with us somewhere fun every once in a while or a cruise when I'm old and not as spy. For them to share their lives with us in person, phone etc and let us be involved.

This is something my DW would say. From my standpoint (DH), I just want them to care about us (not care for us). Just be a decent person. While I would love them to spend time with us, I don't want them to feel they have to. I want them to live their own lives, go their way. Be happy, don't hurt others.