What do you expect from your kids as adults?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like them to be respectful and care about me/dh and show an interest in my life like I do in theirs. For them to feel that our house is their home and they actively want to visit and spend time with us. Maybe vacation with us somewhere fun every once in a while or a cruise when I'm old and not as spy. For them to share their lives with us in person, phone etc and let us be involved.

Hmm, this seems really self-involved on your part. It's all about what they can do for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like them to be respectful and care about me/dh and show an interest in my life like I do in theirs. For them to feel that our house is their home and they actively want to visit and spend time with us. Maybe vacation with us somewhere fun every once in a while or a cruise when I'm old and not as spy. For them to share their lives with us in person, phone etc and let us be involved.

This.

In short: I hope they love us as much as we love them.

Very unlikely

They won't get it until they have kids of their own. They'll love those kids as much as you love them. But they'll never love YOU as much as you love them. That's not natural.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want grandbabies.

Np That isn't reasonable. There is no right of parents to grandchildren and you are selfish if you put pressure on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best parenting advice I ever got was "you get what you put in". So I hope eventually I get back the love, affection and care that I have put in. I think a lot of people are rightfully bitter towards their parents because their parents didn't put that much in when they were growing up and now expect a lot in return.

You won't.

It's not natural for offspring to love their parents as much as their parents love them.

You move away from them emotionally as you grow up and become independent.

The best you can hope for is mutual respect and some level of affection.

You're setting yourself up for disappointment big time with these kinds of expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like them to be respectful and care about me/dh and show an interest in my life like I do in theirs. For them to feel that our house is their home and they actively want to visit and spend time with us. Maybe vacation with us somewhere fun every once in a while or a cruise when I'm old and not as spy. For them to share their lives with us in person, phone etc and let us be involved.

This is something my DW would say. From my standpoint (DH), I just want them to care about us (not care for us). Just be a decent person. While I would love them to spend time with us, I don't want them to feel they have to. I want them to live their own lives, go their way. Be happy, don't hurt others.

+1

This is the only reasonable response on this thread so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like them to be respectful and care about me/dh and show an interest in my life like I do in theirs. For them to feel that our house is their home and they actively want to visit and spend time with us. Maybe vacation with us somewhere fun every once in a while or a cruise when I'm old and not as spy. For them to share their lives with us in person, phone etc and let us be involved.

Hmm, this seems really self-involved on your part. It's all about what they can do for you.

I guess I reqs the question selfishly as in "our expectations from our kids towards us".
This does not I clue anything I hope for them and for their lives. That's a separate thing. I hope and wish for them to be fulfilled and content in their work and home life and not anxious as much as they can be. To be kind to others and to find partners and friends that they love and care for and that care about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like them to be respectful and care about me/dh and show an interest in my life like I do in theirs. For them to feel that our house is their home and they actively want to visit and spend time with us. Maybe vacation with us somewhere fun every once in a while or a cruise when I'm old and not as spy. For them to share their lives with us in person, phone etc and let us be involved.

This is something my DW would say. From my standpoint (DH), I just want them to care about us (not care for us). Just be a decent person. While I would love them to spend time with us, I don't want them to feel they have to. I want them to live their own lives, go their way. Be happy, don't hurt others.

+1

This is the only reasonable response on this thread so far.

+ many.

[Anonymous]

I hope and expect they’ll be able to make their own way in life and be good people. My son has HFA and I wonder sometimes how and if he’ll manage. I feel like we set him up with the tools he needs, but he’s refusing to follow through. I want him to be a functioning member in society. That’s what I want of all of them. To put in at least as much as they get, in whatever way they’re able. I just want to know they’ll be okay when I’m not around.