Moving away from nanny after 4 years

[Anonymous]

Our nanny has worked for us for 4 years. DH and I have received job offers in another state and we are very likely moving in Jan or February.

I told our nanny today and she was devastated. I haven’t told our kids yet, but they will be devastated too.

Now I’m regretting our decision to move and wanting to go back on it. I just feel like I’m hurting her and hurting my kids who love her like a 2nd mom.

Can anyone talk to me about transitioning away from a long term nanny, where the kids are extremely attached to her and her to them? I believe she loves them as her own.

We’ve invited her to come with us but it’s not feasible for her. We’re also doing everything we can to make this transition ok for her financially. But it feels so small compared to how heartbroken we all are.

We will invite her to visit and pay for it, and we will come back to visit every year, but after spending almost every day together for so long that doesn’t feel like much comfort.

[Anonymous]

Why did you decide to move? There must have been good reasons ... make a list, think about how your kids lives will change (hopefully for the better) and revisit the list whenever you are feeling upset about moving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you decide to move? There must have been good reasons ... make a list, think about how your kids lives will change (hopefully for the better) and revisit the list whenever you are feeling upset about moving.

Op here. Yes we have very good reasons (closer to family, better jobs, more money). It still sucks though.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard, OP. But it’s actually going to be easier on the kids to move away from the nanny than to have nanny move away from them. They will be in a new house, new surroundings, new everything. It’s so hard on a child when the nanny or care giver is simply removed from their lives and is no longer there to pick them up from the same school, take them to their same classes, etc.

Be honest with your kids. Cry in front of them and express your personal feelings. Reassure them that they will see nanny soon and talk about the places they are going to show nanny when she visits. FaceTime is great.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? Moving is hard, but it sounds like this is the right decision for your family. I think it’s great that you recognize how important their relationship with the nanny is and that you’ll plan visits with her. A decision can be painful and still be the right decision.

[Anonymous]

I had a job like this, and it ended when they moved out of state. It was hard. That was 14 years ago, and we still see each other. We vacation together and spend some holidays together. Our kids have always been very close.

They live about 5 hours away, so it’s a reasonable drive for a weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you decide to move? There must have been good reasons ... make a list, think about how your kids lives will change (hopefully for the better) and revisit the list whenever you are feeling upset about moving.

Op here. Yes we have very good reasons (closer to family, better jobs, more money). It still sucks though.

Life isn't perfect but it appears that this move is three blessings. Stop complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you decide to move? There must have been good reasons ... make a list, think about how your kids lives will change (hopefully for the better) and revisit the list whenever you are feeling upset about moving.

Op here. Yes we have very good reasons (closer to family, better jobs, more money). It still sucks though.

Life isn't perfect but it appears that this move is three blessings. Stop complaining.

Oh, shut up. NP here and you are a ridiculous bore.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who is looking for a nanny for her two kids. Can you provide a way to connect with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who is looking for a nanny for her two kids. Can you provide a way to connect with her.

Op here. I would but we live in the Midwest!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? Moving is hard, but it sounds like this is the right decision for your family. I think it’s great that you recognize how important their relationship with the nanny is and that you’ll plan visits with her. A decision can be painful and still be the right decision.

Op here. Kids are 4 and 1.

[Anonymous]

I truly feel your pain. After 2 years we lost a beloved nanny due to insurmountable visa issues (which we hired a lawyer to try to resolve). But you can’t plan your life around a nanny. Your children are going to make new bonds with the family you are moving closer to.

[Anonymous]

OP-I was in this same situation and believe me: it will pass. I was a nanny for this family and they moved out of state because of new jobs too. Kids were 4 and 2 yo. I was devastated for a long time. This family was so perfect and I would joke with them, saying I would be able to be their nanny only until the youngest was ready for college. They went through a bad time too, specially with the youngest, but everything worked well after a while. I still hold the family close to my heart and I know they feel the same about me. We are still in touch and I just love to see pics of the kids on social media. Today I work for a family with 2 kids too and I adore them all. My 5 year with them is coming up soon! I am having a hard time just thinking about leaving them as I move forward with my school and other plans. At least they live close, so I will be able to “steal” the kids to have weekend sleepovers at my place when the time comes.

Just know that it will get better with time. Your nanny will find a new family, you will find a new nanny, and things will get back to normal. Nothing is more important for your kids than having their parents around. They can handle and adjust to the rest. Good luck!