Can you share your co-parenting schedule?

[Anonymous]

Hi DCUM,

i'm polling for some ideas from anyone that is sharing custody with the other parent and what the schedule looks like in terms of spending time with children. My ex and I will be meeting with a parent coordinator this week and he and I both agreed to come to the table with a few plans to be ironed out in front of the coordinator. Ex works in retail and his hours are difficult and inconsistent. I'm on a M-F 9 to 5 schedule but feel exhausted come time for the weekend which is when I still have DS.

I don't have an ideal schedule as I enter co-parenting. I'm truly just taking any days I can get and they are based off Ex's schedule.

If this needs to be moved -feel free. Also point me to the any posts that have addressed this in the past.

[Anonymous]

Does he work every weekend both days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he work every weekend both days?

I would say 80-90% of the time yes.

[Anonymous]

Try also posting on the special concerns forum.

[Anonymous]

what are his hours for work?

[Anonymous]

How old is your son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what are his hours for work?

Very random and shift work. 12-10pm or 7-3 for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your son?

He is 3.

[Anonymous]

If your ex wants a 50-50 custody, he needs to work it out with his employer. What works the best for us, is a predictable schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your ex wants a 50-50 custody, he needs to work it out with his employer. What works the best for us, is a predictable schedule.

when my kids were little (like 5 y.o.), I kept full physical custody but made time fr ex to have visitation in our home 50% of the time. But, ex often switched due to work or personal events. We (parents) both thought we had a good schedule, but our 5 year old explicitly told us she wanted a regular schedule. She wanted to know that Daddy comes on Wednesdays, and our saying "Daddy isn't coming Wednesday but will come Thursday instead" didn't work for her.

Kids like predictability. If dad works weekends, then you are stuck having the kids for the weekends. If he has any time during the weekday, maybe you can have a night off simply to rest?

If there's no way for him to pitch in on the weekend, then try to load up on some toddler classes or activities where you don't have to be directly supervising or engaging all the time -- story time at the library, music class, etc. Or hire a mother's helper to come weekend mornings. Give her a key and ask her to be there early when your kid typically wakes up. She can make him breakfast, play with him a bit and then the two of them can "make you breakfast" that way you can sleep in a bit one weekend morning. Or find a parent friend with kids the same age and agree to swap "sleepovers" 1 or 2 times a month so you can have a night off and a good sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your ex wants a 50-50 custody, he needs to work it out with his employer. What works the best for us, is a predictable schedule.

when my kids were little (like 5 y.o.), I kept full physical custody but made time fr ex to have visitation in our home 50% of the time. But, ex often switched due to work or personal events. We (parents) both thought we had a good schedule, but our 5 year old explicitly told us she wanted a regular schedule. She wanted to know that Daddy comes on Wednesdays, and our saying "Daddy isn't coming Wednesday but will come Thursday instead" didn't work for her.

Kids like predictability. If dad works weekends, then you are stuck having the kids for the weekends. If he has any time during the weekday, maybe you can have a night off simply to rest?

If there's no way for him to pitch in on the weekend, then try to load up on some toddler classes or activities where you don't have to be directly supervising or engaging all the time -- story time at the library, music class, etc. Or hire a mother's helper to come weekend mornings. Give her a key and ask her to be there early when your kid typically wakes up. She can make him breakfast, play with him a bit and then the two of them can "make you breakfast" that way you can sleep in a bit one weekend morning. Or find a parent friend with kids the same age and agree to swap "sleepovers" 1 or 2 times a month so you can have a night off and a good sleep.

Your child probably said what ever makes you happy. That's pretty horrible that your ex was only allowed visits in your home. That is an uncle relationship if he has to be supervised by you at all times and you are not siting any abuse or neglect.

[Anonymous]

If you have a 9-5 job and he works weekends, it’s actually really nice to have weekends with your kids! Let the ex deal with daycare drop off and pick ups - you get the nice weekend time to bond. Maybe something like he gets Sunday afternoon Wednesday morning drop off. You take the kid Wednesday pick up until Sunday afternoon.

[Anonymous]

How far ahead does he have his schedule?

How much say does he have in being able to create a predictable or consistent schedule?

[Anonymous]

Ex and I both work for ourselves, which makes things much easier.

The kids live with me. Ex picks them up Wednesdays after school and returns them after dinner, before bedtime.
Every other weekend he picks them up on Friday before dinner, and returns them Sunday evening. Sometimes we all eat Sunday dinner together, and sometimes he drops them off before or after dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your ex wants a 50-50 custody, he needs to work it out with his employer. What works the best for us, is a predictable schedule.

when my kids were little (like 5 y.o.), I kept full physical custody but made time fr ex to have visitation in our home 50% of the time. But, ex often switched due to work or personal events. We (parents) both thought we had a good schedule, but our 5 year old explicitly told us she wanted a regular schedule. She wanted to know that Daddy comes on Wednesdays, and our saying "Daddy isn't coming Wednesday but will come Thursday instead" didn't work for her.

Kids like predictability. If dad works weekends, then you are stuck having the kids for the weekends. If he has any time during the weekday, maybe you can have a night off simply to rest?

If there's no way for him to pitch in on the weekend, then try to load up on some toddler classes or activities where you don't have to be directly supervising or engaging all the time -- story time at the library, music class, etc. Or hire a mother's helper to come weekend mornings. Give her a key and ask her to be there early when your kid typically wakes up. She can make him breakfast, play with him a bit and then the two of them can "make you breakfast" that way you can sleep in a bit one weekend morning. Or find a parent friend with kids the same age and agree to swap "sleepovers" 1 or 2 times a month so you can have a night off and a good sleep.

Your child probably said what ever makes you happy. That's pretty horrible that your ex was only allowed visits in your home. That is an uncle relationship if he has to be supervised by you at all times and you are not siting any abuse or neglect.

You have no idea of our situation.

I offered my exDH 50/50, which he never pursued. He had a substance abuse problem and was coping with mental illness. Despite that I welcomed him into my home 3 nights a week and one weekend day, making dinner for him and the kids and supporting his relationship with them as I have done for over 10 years.

You are wrong to assume that full physical custody to one parent is always a lesser relationship than would exist under 50/50. Although he certainly never physically or sexually abused them and thus would have gotten half custody, I am grateful that he recognized that he could not provide them a healthy environment.

My kids approached me because they know that I have always supported their relationship with their Dad. My children definitely feel free to tell me anything, even those things that make me unhappy.

Shame on you for shaming another parent’s custody situation.