DD in MS now wants to dress as a boy (formal as well)- gay question due to texts?

[Anonymous]

So- our DD who now is in 8th grade- started dibbling in dressing as a boy like ties and suit for "formal" starting mostly 8th grade. We read some of her Dms and some friends reference being gay or so. DD is not gay- she has had boy crushes (selectively) never any girl romantic interest, - she is "unique" not an outsider, super super smart/gifted- but not a Visco girl which seems to be a big thing in MS. She was the first to dress up for SOOO many occasions since she was very young before this that she made me go back and wear a skirt etc. One of her friends texted her about coming out and how her parents said she was too young and we saw her response as being my parents must know too. I guess I am really trying to maintain my cool but I am not internally.

[Anonymous]

It will be ok. Whoever she likes, however she dresses. She is smart and confident and has friends. her life will have ups and downs like anyone, but you will love her for who she is and who she becomes as she grows up.

I came out to my parents in 9th grade. They weren't thrilled since they thought it would make my life harder. I briefly dated a guy in grad school and they were so hopeful. But now I'm married to a great woman my parents love. All our surviving grandparents danced at our wedding. I have a job and friends and I got elected to a local government role, all while being out. I hope you find some comfort in this and that your kid keeps being her awesome self!

[Anonymous]

i think there is a group for parents where you may find support. You can do this, OP. You love HER and she is still the same person. It will be okay. You will be okay. She will be just fine.

[Anonymous]

I agree with previous posts. Your daughter sounds like an amazing confident adolescent and guess what, you played a big role in helping her be that way and I know you’ll continue to do so. Keep your relationship and communication open so that whomever she falls in love with, you’ll be there to help her to find someone who treats her heart as their own...something so many of us struggle to find! On a side note, also remember that adolescents are all about finding themselves and exploring...she may still be experimenting. There are definitely support groups you can reach out to so that you have someone to support you in this next step of parenting!

[Anonymous]

My straight older girl didn’t wear a single dress or skirt from 5th to halfway through 10th.

Her younger sister is a lesbian and generally prefers a soft butch look for everyday wear, but recently asked for a dress for picture day.

Don’t worry about clothing. Or who they have a crush on. Make sure they are healthy and happy.

[Anonymous]

So who decided suits and ties are for boys? Society did. If we change the way we think about clothing a lot of angst goes away. I have a 7yo not a teen but she saw boys wearing ties last Christmas and thought they looked cool so i got her a couple. She wears traditional boy clothing inclyding the more formal wear if we are dressing up. She is not trans or gay she just wants to wear that style of clothing.

[Anonymous]

Depending on her fashion taste, she could pull off a Diane Keaton look: https://www.wmagazine.com/gallery/diane-keaton-style-evolution/all
Anything goes at this age, especially for girls.
Deep breath. I hear we get them back around age 18.

[Anonymous]

Op here, thank you for all the advice and being Supportive. I was afraid of getting snarky comments So thank you for not contributing to my mess of feelings I am internalizing!

[Anonymous]

Are you stressed that she wants to dress in male clothing or because you think she’s gay?

I dressed like a boy all throughout middle school and most of high school. My parents flipped out because they thought I was gay. I wasn’t, it just fit my personality and I also didn’t want to be judged on my hotness/femininity.

Also what’s this whole visco girl thing? I looked it up and it looks exactly like what we wore as kids in the 90s- tie dye, cowrie shells, tiny backpacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So- our DD who now is in 8th grade- started dibbling in dressing as a boy like ties and suit for "formal" starting mostly 8th grade. We read some of her Dms and some friends reference being gay or so. DD is not gay- she has had boy crushes (selectively) never any girl romantic interest, - she is "unique" not an outsider, super super smart/gifted- but not a Visco girl which seems to be a big thing in MS. She was the first to dress up for SOOO many occasions since she was very young before this that she made me go back and wear a skirt etc. One of her friends texted her about coming out and how her parents said she was too young and we saw her response as being my parents must know too. I guess I am really trying to maintain my cool but I am not internally.

Serious question: So why do you allow this? For the record, I would not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So who decided suits and ties are for boys? Society did. If we change the way we think about clothing a lot of angst goes away. I have a 7yo not a teen but she saw boys wearing ties last Christmas and thought they looked cool so i got her a couple. She wears traditional boy clothing inclyding the more formal wear if we are dressing up. She is not trans or gay she just wants to wear that style of clothing.

Don't be daft. "Society" is a lot more than some nebulous concept that you should be encouraging a 7 year old to balk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So- our DD who now is in 8th grade- started dibbling in dressing as a boy like ties and suit for "formal" starting mostly 8th grade. We read some of her Dms and some friends reference being gay or so. DD is not gay- she has had boy crushes (selectively) never any girl romantic interest, - she is "unique" not an outsider, super super smart/gifted- but not a Visco girl which seems to be a big thing in MS. She was the first to dress up for SOOO many occasions since she was very young before this that she made me go back and wear a skirt etc. One of her friends texted her about coming out and how her parents said she was too young and we saw her response as being my parents must know too. I guess I am really trying to maintain my cool but I am not internally.

Serious question: So why do you allow this? For the record, I would not.

DP. What do you mean by 'this'? In the OP, I don't see anything to object to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you stressed that she wants to dress in male clothing or because you think she’s gay?

I dressed like a boy all throughout middle school and most of high school. My parents flipped out because they thought I was gay. I wasn’t, it just fit my personality and I also didn’t want to be judged on my hotness/femininity.

Also what’s this whole visco girl thing? I looked it up and it looks exactly like what we wore as kids in the 90s- tie dye, cowrie shells, tiny backpacks.

When I was a college junior, my brother's GF convinced him I was gay because I had 'boy's haircut'. That was her only 'evidence' and she convinced him. I didn't spend much time trying to convince him otherwise but I did vent to my mom who suggested I bring a 'girlfriend' home with me next time I visit. I did and we all had a blast with it in front of my brother and his GF. My mom was so cool!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So- our DD who now is in 8th grade- started dibbling in dressing as a boy like ties and suit for "formal" starting mostly 8th grade. We read some of her Dms and some friends reference being gay or so. DD is not gay- she has had boy crushes (selectively) never any girl romantic interest, - she is "unique" not an outsider, super super smart/gifted- but not a Visco girl which seems to be a big thing in MS. She was the first to dress up for SOOO many occasions since she was very young before this that she made me go back and wear a skirt etc. One of her friends texted her about coming out and how her parents said she was too young and we saw her response as being my parents must know too. I guess I am really trying to maintain my cool but I am not internally.

Serious question: So why do you allow this? For the record, I would not.

DP. What do you mean by 'this'? In the OP, I don't see anything to object to.

PP again. OK, for those of you who need it spelled out for you, I will be more clear:

Serious question: OP, why do you allow your DD in MS to dress as a boy (formal as well)? For the record, I would not.

Does that help you any?

[Anonymous]

What’s wrong with having kids wear what they are comfortable in, so long as it is appropriate?