Special gift for niece turning 13

[Anonymous]

Hi - we're not particularly close to my husband's niece, but she's turning 13 and we'd like to get her something kind of special for this milestone "you're now a teen" birthday. Something around $100-150 maybe? She doesn't have any particular hobbies, doesn't play sports, doesn't love reading...she does seem to like crafty kinds of things, like making friendship bracelets. Kind of young for her age in general. I don't think she's particularly into jewelry, and I'm not so into girly stuff myself, but I'm open to any ideas for something that would be a nice milestone kind of gift. Any ideas?

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you ask your SIL or BIL?

[Anonymous]

I wasn't particularly close to my brother's tween, and then I took her to lunch and wow, turns out I didn't know her at all--she's really interesting and smart etc. And now we've started our own little relationship apart from her mom or the two nuclear familes getting together. It's really nice.

I say take her to lunch or dinner, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wasn't particularly close to my brother's tween, and then I took her to lunch and wow, turns out I didn't know her at all--she's really interesting and smart etc. And now we've started our own little relationship apart from her mom or the two nuclear familes getting together. It's really nice.

I say take her to lunch or dinner, OP.

I’d love to but her mom is really possessive of her and literally won’t let us do anything with her without her being there. We’ve invited her to stay with us for weekends or weeks in the summer or just an afternoon, and my SIL will insist on being there. They still sleep in the same bed. BIL is no longer in the picture much. It’s close to impossible to develop a relationship with her at all.

When we asked, SIL said she would appreciate money. Which SIL would appreciate. I have no sense that it would go to something special for my niece though. (for the record, SIL has a middle class government job, as do we, and doesn’t need our money. MIL pays her rent and FIL buys her cars every few years. MIL or FIL also buy my niece big electronic stuff every year...a tablet, Apple Watch, iPad, or similar. So she doesn’t need anything like that.)

In past years, I’ve made things for her like a personalized calendar with pics of her and my son, her only cousin...cute picture frames, stationery with her name on it, that kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

(I'm 0:07)
OP, that is pretty sad. Do you think you can call and ask the mom if you could take the kid out for lunch, just the two of you?

Actually as I'm thinking about it, the first lunch I had with my niece was with her mom and me. It was because my niece was interested in finding out/applying to the school my (slightly older) kids go to.

I still managed to have a great conversation with her. It was a significant change in the dynamic, because it wasn't the usual--- the two families getting together and cousins hanging out with cousins, and adults hanging out with adults.

I think at that lunch, the mom got more comfortable with the idea that I could spend time with my niece alone.

Anyways it might be worth a phone call, OP, just to see if it's a possibility (either the two of you or the three of you). I know you'd rather get her a "thing" but this could be better. Maybe at that lunch you could figure out what that "thing" could be. Maybe your excuse to go to lunch alone with your neice is that you really want to get her something great and want to take her to lunch to discuss it with her.

[Anonymous]

I got my niece a silver Tiffany bean necklace at that age for Christmas. She was SO excited about it, more so than I expected. I think she was happy to own something special that felt grownup.

It comes in different sizes but there is a 9mm one that is $135: https://www.tiffany.com/jewelry/necklaces-pendants/elsa-peretti-bean-design-pendant-25185129/
There is also an open heart one: https://www.tiffany.com/jewelry/necklaces-pendants/elsa-peretti-open-heart-pendant-GRP06386/

If you dont like Tiffany plenty of department stores have similar stuff and initial necklaces are in.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is 14 and she wants her name as a necklace for Christmas in Sterling Silver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 14 and she wants her name as a necklace for Christmas in Sterling Silver.

This is a nice idea.

[Anonymous]

Are they a wealthy family?

A gift of 100-150 seems excessive and would make my teen uncomfortable but we aren't wealthy.

If that amount wouldn't make her blink then go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are they a wealthy family?

A gift of 100-150 seems excessive and would make my teen uncomfortable but we aren't wealthy.

If that amount wouldn't make her blink then go for it.

They're not wealthy - SIL makes a middle class government salary and MIL (who they live with) is on a fixed retirement income. But MIL and FIL routinely buy my niece large, expensive gifts like iPads. I think the $135 for the Tiffany necklace is not crazy expensive, but now that I think about it, I can see them kind of sneering at me for being a snob to get something from Tiffany's. (I grew up poor, and DH and I both are gov't workers but together our salaries are comfortable, and we try to be frugal in order to splurge on travel every year, which tends to result in some resentful comments from MIL and SIL about how rich we are because we travel so much. We've had only 1 car for 8 years, for instance, which is now 10 years old, to save the money from a second car for traveling.)

I just thought it would be nice to get some kind of a milestone gift as I've always thought the official switch to the teen years is pretty significant. I'm probably overthinking all of this since I don't have much of a relationship with my niece, but not from want of trying.