due in 7 days and feel no connection...slightly terrified

[Anonymous]

I'm so scared because our baby boy is going to be here soon. Really soon.

My mom is so excited (she is super mom). My husband seems excited. I've never been around babies. I'm not sure I've ever held one. I know how ridiculous that sounds. But my girlfriends don't have kids and I never babysat.

So this still seems very conceptual to me, and not very tangible. I just don't have any ga-ga over baby feelings. I'm not yet "oh I can't wait to meet him!"

What the hell is wrong with me? We met our pediatrician last week and he was telling my husband it's ok if he looks at the baby and holds the baby and just doesn't connect - it will happen. I feel like that will be me, not him.

I'm all about being super breast feeding mom but I can't imagine anything more weird than having a baby suck on me!

Please tell me someone else has felt this way and it all disapeers and some sort of dna thing kicks in?

Help. It's like I have ppd before birth.

[Anonymous]

It's completely normal, and you'll love your child when he gets here. Don't worry about how everyone else seems to feel.

[Anonymous]

It's normal to feel this way even for a few weeks after the birth. Taking care of a newborn is very much "fake it til you make it." You may not develop an intense connection until that first smile. The answer is not to worry, and to let it come naturally. The moms who are raving about how in love they are are often scared shitless.

[Anonymous]

I was somewhat there - no experience with babies, and while glad to be having our own, no real prenatal connection. And I'm not one of the fall-in-love-at-first-sight Moms either, so I definitely had a bit of "what IS this thing in my arms?" when they handed me my DD in the hospital. And you know what? IT'S TOTALLY NORMAL. Lots and lots of women feel this way, and you keep going and before you know it you're totally in love with this little person and can't imagine your life without them.

And I do want to add that the newborn period is just tough. You're hormonal, sleep deprived, and still going through all sorts of physical changes. And your baby is to busy learning things like breathing and temperature regulation to really pay attention to the outside world or provide real positive feedback (beyond the cessation of crying) to their caregivers. But this DOES get better, and it is so worth it in the long run.

All of which is to say that there is NOTHING wrong with you, and hopefully you'll be one of those lucky women who do have the hormonal rush of love at birth. But if you're not, know you are far FAR from alone in that, and you just have to have faith that it really does all work out if you just give it time.

Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

I remember feeling that way with my first baby. I thought being pregnant was kind of fun, knew I wanted a baby in my life, but seemed to make no connection between those things and the fact that I was about to the CEO of who would later become the most important person in the world to me. In fact, I wasn't really all that terrified about the whole ordeal, since I just didn't FEEL like it was all that real. For me the turning point was shortly after we left the hospital, when I realised that I would do absolutely anything for my little one. I had been ambivalent about breast-feeding-- still took the class but thought either way would be fine. After she was born, I tried harder to EBF than anything I have ever tried to do in my life. Seriously. In fact, I may have been a little too nuts, but I blame it on the hormones. Anyway, I think it's completely normal to feel the way you do. You may fall in love all at once or it may take a couple weeks to form a deep bond. Either way, it works.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't be terrified. Absolutely not abnormal to feel that way. I could have written your post before my first...and even a little before my second - which I just had a few weeks ago. I HATED being pregnant, really didn't feel much a connection until I met them and still don't consider myself much of a "kid person." But it really is so true that it's different once they are in your arms and they are your own.

[Anonymous]

I never "bonded" with my son in utero -- never gave the baby a cute nickname, never thought in terms of getting to "meet" him, never had conversations with the baby while pregnant, etc. I took care of my body and did my utmost to have a healthy pregnancy, mind you, but the baby wasn't really real until he appeared.

It's amazing how quickly the postpartum hormonal cocktail switches on. For me, "love" was a few weeks in coming, but the Mama Bear protectiveness and the absolute wonderment of it all hit me upside the head within the first ten minutes. A few years down the road, I think the sun shines out of my son's ass and am weeks away from doing at all again with his sibling-to-be. (With whom I still don't have imaginary conversations, but whose arrival I know will be every bit as world-rocking as his/her brother's.)

Trust your body to help you learn to nurture your baby outside the womb just as it did for the past nine months. Luckily for us, Mother Nature is a lot smarter than we are.

[Anonymous]

I never really bonded with my baby in utero either. Totally normal, and don't feel bad when other moms are cooing about their fetuses and using their names and stuff. That wasn't me at all. When DD was born, I was amazed and felt like, ok, this baby is mine, I must protect and care for her, but I didn't LOVE LOVE her. It took a few months, honestly. She was colicky and I was stressed out, and I didn't think it was fun at all to have a newborn. But eventually it practically made my heart stop, how much I loved her! Now she's the light of my life. You'll be fine. Don't worry. I'm pregnant now with #2 and I feel a *little* more bonded, because I think of him as someone I will *someday* love as much as I now love DD... but I don't love him like that yet! This time around, I know I'll get there... no worries.

[Anonymous]

Everyone is going to tell you that you will hold your baby and swoon, and chances are, you will. But PLEASE do not freak out of you don't....connections take time and your hormones will be going wild, so go easy on yourself. If you feel that things are REALLY off, talk to you DR. Do not put pressure on yourself to have Hallmark moments....just try to be honest and and do not let guilt and comparisons to others emotions control you!

Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

I felt just as you do. I had little baby experience and didn't much care about other people's babies. Once my son was born, however, I just wanted to hold him close and fulfill his needs. The love did overtake me right away but even for those people who don't feel it for a while, you will feel it.

[Anonymous]

I have lots of experience with babies and young children in general (I work as a nanny), we have been trying to have a baby for 4 years and this pregnancy was the result of fertility treatment - and I don't feel bonded with the baby yet. I mean, I am very excited and can not wait to meet the little one, but honestly, at this point I feel much more love for my charges than my baby (what makes me feel guilty).

I am hoping for a "love at first sight" story, but if it doesn't happen I know it is normal.... I also know that it will eventually happen!

[Anonymous]

I want to second the PPs who said it may take a few weeks after the baby is born to feel a connection. Although I'd read that could happen, I thought I'd take one look at the baby and fall in love. But, that didn't happen. It was over the course of a few weeks/months that I slowly fell in love with my DC.

[Anonymous]

I am not a baby person. Although I love my son, I didn't really get excited about much until he started interacting more. We are having #2 and to be honest, I am not looking forward to the first several months, since I'm just not a baby person. I think it's nice and all when they cuddle, and are so content in your arms, but the whole head over heels bonding thing is to me like that whole love at first site/falling in love thing. Some people feel their emotions all at once, or when something triggers them, and others have them seep in slowly over time as the relationship grows. Mine is more of an 'over time' thing and that's just what's normal to me. And if it takes several months, so be it. I'll never be a baby person - I like them more when they grow into little people (as challenging as it is).

[Anonymous]

Another poster to tell you that it's totally normal and ok not to bond for even a few weeks! I had a really long labor and was exhausted...didn't come out of the fog for about a week to really oooh and ahhh over the baby. Hormones are a b*t#* too so don't fret if you don't feel that "instant love" feeling! You will!

[Anonymous]

OP, another voice to the bonding takes time. Don't expect butterflies in your stomach and the motherhood to magically flow into you the first time you lay eyes on your baby either. When the medical staff was ooohing and aahing on how cute my baby was, i was thinking: what's cute about this small red thing with crumbled skin, and when nurse gave her to me and said why don't you kiss your baby, i thought: why should i kiss this stranger. Slowly she grew into me, and now i literally feel like my heart is not inside my body but is walking empersonated in my daughter. It takes time, and those first weeks are tough. It's not like they show it in the movies.