Mommy cliques

[Anonymous]

Why does it seem so hard to make mommy friends? Me and a few other moms seem to get along great at birthday parties and a few play dates. In the end, it seems like I do most of the initiation to hang out, which is maybe once every 2 months? They always all say to me we have to get together soon etc etc. Is everyone just too busy? It also seems like they hang out with each other sometimes without me, unless it’s a birthday party. Is this high school all over again? I just never understand why people can’t be more accepting and kind to others.

[Anonymous]

I will bite. I have 3 kids and busy juggling their schedules. I only hang out with a few people who are my friends.

My third is just started preschool and some parents do seem eager to get together. I’m just too tired and would rather hang out with my own friends. I don’t consider myself cliquey at all. I am friendly with my kids’ friends’ parents but they are not necessarily my friends.

I have been on your side a few times. We moved recently and met a mom at a moms club that I liked. I wanted to pursue a friendship and tried to do a play date or two with her. She is busy with her older kids and seems like she is too busy to hang out. I felt slightly bad but got over it quickly. If I bump into her, she is friendly.

[Anonymous]

Don’t call people “mommy friends.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it seem so hard to make mommy friends? Me and a few other moms seem to get along great at birthday parties and a few play dates. In the end, it seems like I do most of the initiation to hang out, which is maybe once every 2 months? They always all say to me we have to get together soon etc etc. Is everyone just too busy? It also seems like they hang out with each other sometimes without me, unless it’s a birthday party. Is this high school all over again? I just never understand why people can’t be more accepting and kind to others.

OP— where do you live? Are your kids in elementary school? That’s a good place to become friends with other moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will bite. I have 3 kids and busy juggling their schedules. I only hang out with a few people who are my friends.

My third is just started preschool and some parents do seem eager to get together. I’m just too tired and would rather hang out with my own friends. I don’t consider myself cliquey at all. I am friendly with my kids’ friends’ parents but they are not necessarily my friends.

I have been on your side a few times. We moved recently and met a mom at a moms club that I liked. I wanted to pursue a friendship and tried to do a play date or two with her. She is busy with her older kids and seems like she is too busy to hang out. I felt slightly bad but got over it quickly. If I bump into her, she is friendly.

These, I’ll bite posts are so obnoxious. OP, hopefully the moms you are hanging out with are not like this one. This is the type of person you should not aspire to be friends with. She just isn’t worth it.

[Anonymous]

Op here. My kids are in elementary school, and have made friends in their classes, and I’ve been friendly with their parents, but not much come out of the relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are in elementary school, and have made friends in their classes, and I’ve been friendly with their parents, but not much come out of the relationships.

Keep plugging away. Eventually you will find your person. Maybe at church or synagogue. Maybe at soccer practice. You will have lots of opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will bite. I have 3 kids and busy juggling their schedules. I only hang out with a few people who are my friends.

My third is just started preschool and some parents do seem eager to get together. I’m just too tired and would rather hang out with my own friends. I don’t consider myself cliquey at all. I am friendly with my kids’ friends’ parents but they are not necessarily my friends.

I have been on your side a few times. We moved recently and met a mom at a moms club that I liked. I wanted to pursue a friendship and tried to do a play date or two with her. She is busy with her older kids and seems like she is too busy to hang out. I felt slightly bad but got over it quickly. If I bump into her, she is friendly.

These, I’ll bite posts are so obnoxious. OP, hopefully the moms you are hanging out with are not like this one. This is the type of person you should not aspire to be friends with. She just isn’t worth it.

Pp here. Why is my post obnoxious? I was just being honest. I have 3 kids - 2 in elementary. They are busy with sports, cub scouts and other school clubs. Add in birthday parties and some family time and we really don’t have that much free time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are in elementary school, and have made friends in their classes, and I’ve been friendly with their parents, but not much come out of the relationships.

Are you trying to make friends with your kids friends parents?

I have a 3rd grader and 5th grader and have made exactly 1 friend from their elementary school. Our kids are not even friends. Her daughter was in my sons kindergarten class. We just got along and started seeing one another at school events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will bite. I have 3 kids and busy juggling their schedules. I only hang out with a few people who are my friends.

My third is just started preschool and some parents do seem eager to get together. I’m just too tired and would rather hang out with my own friends. I don’t consider myself cliquey at all. I am friendly with my kids’ friends’ parents but they are not necessarily my friends.

I have been on your side a few times. We moved recently and met a mom at a moms club that I liked. I wanted to pursue a friendship and tried to do a play date or two with her. She is busy with her older kids and seems like she is too busy to hang out. I felt slightly bad but got over it quickly. If I bump into her, she is friendly.

These, I’ll bite posts are so obnoxious. OP, hopefully the moms you are hanging out with are not like this one. This is the type of person you should not aspire to be friends with. She just isn’t worth it.

Pp here. Why is my post obnoxious? I was just being honest. I have 3 kids - 2 in elementary. They are busy with sports, cub scouts and other school clubs. Add in birthday parties and some family time and we really don’t have that much free time.

And play dates are drop off in elementary school. I think it would be weird if parents were hanging around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. My kids are in elementary school, and have made friends in their classes, and I’ve been friendly with their parents, but not much come out of the relationships.

Are you trying to make friends with your kids friends parents?

I have a 3rd grader and 5th grader and have made exactly 1 friend from their elementary school. Our kids are not even friends. Her daughter was in my sons kindergarten class. We just got along and started seeing one another at school events.

Yes, the moms kids are my kids friends from school. The moms were friends with each other before I met them and it seemed like we were getting along great until nothing happens unless I initiate something. I’m also tired of them saying let’s hang out next week I just gotta figure out the schedule etc etc and then nothing. Our kids get along great and oftentimes I hear their child begging to have another play date ... they must all have better things to do I guess.

[Anonymous]

I'm a big preserver of family time. I like unscheduled time where my kids are just with family or playing together, so unless the family has kids of the same ages as my kids AND I like the mom.. I wouldn't make much of an effort. This is a change for me as I used to love having playdates and meeting new moms, but seeing how fast my kids are growing and going through so many crappy, one-sided "mommy friends", I don't spend energy on those relationships any more.

[Anonymous]

My kid is still pretty little so I'm not sure if this helps, but mostly it's a time issue. I have a lot of friends that I've had for years, before any of us had kids. Now, some have kids of various ages and some don't have kids yet, and some never will. But these people are my friends and the little time I have that I'm not with my husband and kid, I'm with those friends.

I joined a pace group when my son was a baby, and it was a wonderful experience. We all got along really well. But truly, our kids were the thing we had in common, the thing we talked about 95% of the time. I found that I didn't know much about the women at all outside of their role as new mom. So those just didn't turn into real friendships. I imagine it will be similar when my kid is older....it will be nice to be able to chat and get along with other parents, but there needs to be more to form a real friendship.

[Anonymous]

By the time most of us have kids we already have our established friends (many who also have kids) and we don't have time to put the effort into making new ones unless there's a seriously strong connection. Don't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By the time most of us have kids we already have our established friends (many who also have kids) and we don't have time to put the effort into making new ones unless there's a seriously strong connection. Don't take it personally.

This is my situation. I have very good friends that pre-date having my kids. We tend to travel with and do larger parties and non-kid, couple things with these friends. I am friendly with lots of my kids' friends parents and I would say a couple I do things with them occasionally outside of the kids. But it's not a regular thing. I don't think this is uncommon.