I’m at a loss marijuana use in teen son

[Anonymous]

This has been going on for awhile. We fear he’s now using daily possibly at school. Friends use too but I have a feeling he’s the only one that uses a lot. We find stuff, discuss, administer consequences and repeat. He sees a therapist. He’s on medication for anxiety and depression. He’s on adhd medicine. We have been ion top of and addressed /supported him with learning differences. We are loving, present, supportive parents. We’ve been told by therapist that treatment doesn’t work for marijuana. 90 plus percent return to it.

I know some will say he needs new friends. Not sure how you can really force that at 16. We could switch schools but he’d still see friends likely or make similar friends is my guess. Same with boarding school where there typically are even more drugs. We pay for private school , so taking that away is on the table I guess, especially as grades not great, effort low. We can restrict /ban car, but pretty hard to ground a kid all the time.

I am interested in advice from parents who have dealt with similar. Not parents who think they know what to do because believe me until you are living this you really don’t get it. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

He sounds a lot like my brother in high school. He also went to a top private school where we grew up and grew up very privileged.

He never cleaned up his act and turned to much harder drugs including heroin after college. He ended up committing suicide.

My parents enabled him his entire life. There were never any real consequences. They just kept bailing him out and bailing him out. They were also in denial.

Take everything that he cares about away for a period of time. He goes to school and he comes home. He gets to keep the basics- food, shelter, water. Everything else is a privilege. He shows you he can handle stuff, slowly give him more privileges.

Find a good therapist too.

If he’s using during school hours contact the school. He needs consequences there too.

And he definitely doesn’t get to drive as he could kill someone if he’s high.

Good luck. This is my worst fear for my children because of what happened to my brother. Stay strong. His life depends on it.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the midst of the same thing. Kid who suffers from depression, anxiety and ADHD. I don't know how often he's using. We've done everything - psych treatment for his mental illness, medication for ADHD, etc. We have gotten to the point where we realize that this is not something we can control. We could take everything away from him. At best that would do nothing and, at worst, he'd kill himself.

We've also come to realize that with his mental health issues, it probably brings him peace and relief. Again, I'm not happy about it, but I can't deny what it does for him and that nothing else has controlled his anxiety.

So we set ground rules. It cannot be brought into our house. He cannot use our money for it. He bears the consequences if he gets caught. And, we sold his car and do not allow him to drive ever.

[Anonymous]

Find a better therapist and psychiatrist. I would restrict money and car use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the midst of the same thing. Kid who suffers from depression, anxiety and ADHD. I don't know how often he's using. We've done everything - psych treatment for his mental illness, medication for ADHD, etc. We have gotten to the point where we realize that this is not something we can control. We could take everything away from him. At best that would do nothing and, at worst, he'd kill himself.

We've also come to realize that with his mental health issues, it probably brings him peace and relief. Again, I'm not happy about it, but I can't deny what it does for him and that nothing else has controlled his anxiety.

So we set ground rules. It cannot be brought into our house. He cannot use our money for it. He bears the consequences if he gets caught. And, we sold his car and do not allow him to drive ever.

I agree with both of these things.

You get through it the best you can. Keep him in therapy and try to keep him busy, and off of hard drugs. The truth is there are many contributing, successful members of society who smoke weed. I am not one of them, but it's not my life. It's his.

A ton of support from me. Teens are so, so tough to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the midst of the same thing. Kid who suffers from depression, anxiety and ADHD. I don't know how often he's using. We've done everything - psych treatment for his mental illness, medication for ADHD, etc. We have gotten to the point where we realize that this is not something we can control. We could take everything away from him. At best that would do nothing and, at worst, he'd kill himself.

We've also come to realize that with his mental health issues, it probably brings him peace and relief. Again, I'm not happy about it, but I can't deny what it does for him and that nothing else has controlled his anxiety.

So we set ground rules. It cannot be brought into our house. He cannot use our money for it. He bears the consequences if he gets caught. And, we sold his car and do not allow him to drive ever.

Horrible parenting. “We could take everything away from him.” No, you MUST take everything away from him. At some point, the weed will do nothing for him and he will look for something harder. He is a child that is thinking like a child. You need to be the adult. You are holding a child’s hand as he smokes weed and this is so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the midst of the same thing. Kid who suffers from depression, anxiety and ADHD. I don't know how often he's using. We've done everything - psych treatment for his mental illness, medication for ADHD, etc. We have gotten to the point where we realize that this is not something we can control. We could take everything away from him. At best that would do nothing and, at worst, he'd kill himself.

We've also come to realize that with his mental health issues, it probably brings him peace and relief. Again, I'm not happy about it, but I can't deny what it does for him and that nothing else has controlled his anxiety.

So we set ground rules. It cannot be brought into our house. He cannot use our money for it. He bears the consequences if he gets caught. And, we sold his car and do not allow him to drive ever.

Horrible parenting. “We could take everything away from him.” No, you MUST take everything away from him. At some point, the weed will do nothing for him and he will look for something harder. He is a child that is thinking like a child. You need to be the adult. You are holding a child’s hand as he smokes weed and this is so sad.

This is not true for all people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the midst of the same thing. Kid who suffers from depression, anxiety and ADHD. I don't know how often he's using. We've done everything - psych treatment for his mental illness, medication for ADHD, etc. We have gotten to the point where we realize that this is not something we can control. We could take everything away from him. At best that would do nothing and, at worst, he'd kill himself.

We've also come to realize that with his mental health issues, it probably brings him peace and relief. Again, I'm not happy about it, but I can't deny what it does for him and that nothing else has controlled his anxiety.

So we set ground rules. It cannot be brought into our house. He cannot use our money for it. He bears the consequences if he gets caught. And, we sold his car and do not allow him to drive ever.

Horrible parenting. “We could take everything away from him.” No, you MUST take everything away from him. At some point, the weed will do nothing for him and he will look for something harder. He is a child that is thinking like a child. You need to be the adult. You are holding a child’s hand as he smokes weed and this is so sad.

Why would you take everything away when there would be no good outcome from it? Doing something that would cause harm is horrible parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the midst of the same thing. Kid who suffers from depression, anxiety and ADHD. I don't know how often he's using. We've done everything - psych treatment for his mental illness, medication for ADHD, etc. We have gotten to the point where we realize that this is not something we can control. We could take everything away from him. At best that would do nothing and, at worst, he'd kill himself.

We've also come to realize that with his mental health issues, it probably brings him peace and relief. Again, I'm not happy about it, but I can't deny what it does for him and that nothing else has controlled his anxiety.

So we set ground rules. It cannot be brought into our house. He cannot use our money for it. He bears the consequences if he gets caught. And, we sold his car and do not allow him to drive ever.

I agree with both of these things.

You get through it the best you can. Keep him in therapy and try to keep him busy, and off of hard drugs. The truth is there are many contributing, successful members of society who smoke weed. I am not one of them, but it's not my life. It's his.

A ton of support from me. Teens are so, so tough to parent.

I’m OP do you have consequences if you find stuff? If you think he’s using on school nights etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the midst of the same thing. Kid who suffers from depression, anxiety and ADHD. I don't know how often he's using. We've done everything - psych treatment for his mental illness, medication for ADHD, etc. We have gotten to the point where we realize that this is not something we can control. We could take everything away from him. At best that would do nothing and, at worst, he'd kill himself.

We've also come to realize that with his mental health issues, it probably brings him peace and relief. Again, I'm not happy about it, but I can't deny what it does for him and that nothing else has controlled his anxiety.

So we set ground rules. It cannot be brought into our house. He cannot use our money for it. He bears the consequences if he gets caught. And, we sold his car and do not allow him to drive ever.

I agree with both of these things.

You get through it the best you can. Keep him in therapy and try to keep him busy, and off of hard drugs. The truth is there are many contributing, successful members of society who smoke weed. I am not one of them, but it's not my life. It's his.

A ton of support from me. Teens are so, so tough to parent.

I’m OP do you have consequences if you find stuff? If you think he’s using on school nights etc?

If I find stuff, I throw it away. It is not allowed in my house. I don't have consequences for anything else except that so long as he's using, he can't drive.

[Anonymous]

I sympathize. Substitute video games for pot and I have the same story. It's been fairly well-established (and my experience with DS bears out) that consequences do not work for self-soothing actions in ADHD children. Nothing you can take away would matter. You must substitute. My son was happy to begin a treatment program for young adults, it's intensive small group therapy, every day. He is working hard to deal with it. No easy path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the midst of the same thing. Kid who suffers from depression, anxiety and ADHD. I don't know how often he's using. We've done everything - psych treatment for his mental illness, medication for ADHD, etc. We have gotten to the point where we realize that this is not something we can control. We could take everything away from him. At best that would do nothing and, at worst, he'd kill himself.

We've also come to realize that with his mental health issues, it probably brings him peace and relief. Again, I'm not happy about it, but I can't deny what it does for him and that nothing else has controlled his anxiety.

So we set ground rules. It cannot be brought into our house. He cannot use our money for it. He bears the consequences if he gets caught. And, we sold his car and do not allow him to drive ever.

I agree with both of these things.

You get through it the best you can. Keep him in therapy and try to keep him busy, and off of hard drugs. The truth is there are many contributing, successful members of society who smoke weed. I am not one of them, but it's not my life. It's his.

A ton of support from me. Teens are so, so tough to parent.

I’m OP do you have consequences if you find stuff? If you think he’s using on school nights etc?

If I find stuff, I throw it away. It is not allowed in my house. I don't have consequences for anything else except that so long as he's using, he can't drive.

Ok so you let him go out with friends etc and you know he’s using you’re just trying to protect home use is that right? No judgement I understand just asking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize. Substitute video games for pot and I have the same story. It's been fairly well-established (and my experience with DS bears out) that consequences do not work for self-soothing actions in ADHD children. Nothing you can take away would matter. You must substitute. My son was happy to begin a treatment program for young adults, it's intensive small group therapy, every day. He is working hard to deal with it. No easy path.

My kid would never willingly go to daily treatment. How old is he and what’s the substitute

[Anonymous]

Continuing from my previous post at 13:55>
The reason consequences and removing the freedom to use doesn't work is that they would rather stare at the walls than do something else if the preferred modality is taken away. Motivation will need to come from within, and can't be applied externally. I doubt that is really how he wants to spend his life, but he doesn't know anything else. A therapist (not parents at this point) could probably dig to find the cry for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the midst of the same thing. Kid who suffers from depression, anxiety and ADHD. I don't know how often he's using. We've done everything - psych treatment for his mental illness, medication for ADHD, etc. We have gotten to the point where we realize that this is not something we can control. We could take everything away from him. At best that would do nothing and, at worst, he'd kill himself.

We've also come to realize that with his mental health issues, it probably brings him peace and relief. Again, I'm not happy about it, but I can't deny what it does for him and that nothing else has controlled his anxiety.

So we set ground rules. It cannot be brought into our house. He cannot use our money for it. He bears the consequences if he gets caught. And, we sold his car and do not allow him to drive ever.

I agree with both of these things.

You get through it the best you can. Keep him in therapy and try to keep him busy, and off of hard drugs. The truth is there are many contributing, successful members of society who smoke weed. I am not one of them, but it's not my life. It's his.

A ton of support from me. Teens are so, so tough to parent.

I’m OP do you have consequences if you find stuff? If you think he’s using on school nights etc?

If I find stuff, I throw it away. It is not allowed in my house. I don't have consequences for anything else except that so long as he's using, he can't drive.

Ok so you let him go out with friends etc and you know he’s using you’re just trying to protect home use is that right? No judgement I understand just asking

No, I never said that. I do not allow him to drive. There are times that he will take the buses to get places, but not typically. I know the people he uses with and I can control that outside of school. But, there is not a thing I can do while he's at school.