6yr old feels inferior to 3yr old sister.
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Anonymous
| I have a 6yr old son who is a bright, fun to be around kid. He is well liked by teachers, peers, coaches and anyone who knows him. His 3yr old sister is exceptionally smart, she can converse on an almost equal level, has an incredible memory, is starting to read and understand advanced math concepts. My son is very average when it comes to athletics, 3yr old is naturally athletic. We recently taught him how to ride a two-wheeler, turns out his sister can’t too. He just learned how to swing by himself, sister can do that too. She even often beats him when playing board games, this causes him to get very upset. He is so jealous that people(not us) are always commenting on how smart she is. We are constantly praising him, we make a big deal when he learns a new skill or did a great job on something at school. However his jealousy is starting to get to him and it is effecting their relationship. He becomes angry when she knows something that he knows, or when she is praised. DD is not anywhere near as well behaved as DS and definitely point out when he is being a good helper, or listener as opposed to DD who is usually not listening. This helps a little, but I feel like it’s getting to the point where he is resentful and doesn’t feel like he is the “big brother.” I fear this will only get worse as she gets older. |
Anonymous
| Nice excuse to brag about your apparently genius 3 year old. |
Anonymous
| Have another kid. |
Anonymous
Not bragging, she’s a handful and emotional not advanced at all. But that doesn’t matter to my 6yr old. |
Anonymous
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Similar issue in our house. Our older child has some learning disabilities and struggles in some academic subjects, and our youngest is highly functional in every way. Yet our oldest is patient and tolerant and our youngest is impatient and very critical. Which means they both have things they need to work on! |
Anonymous
Me again. My oldest just accepts this is the way things are, and my youngest reminds herself that her older sibling has LDs. There is no jealousy. |
Anonymous
| Mine are two years apart and learned to swim, tie shoes, and ride bikes at the same time. I explained to my older kid that his sister had the advantage of watching him learn and practice and struggle. She also saw him trying these things and didn't want her brother to be able to do anything she couldn't. He had no such motivation! I think it's pretty normal, actually, and it might be helpful to explain it in those terms. |
Anonymous
| Find something that can be your son's thing, and don't let his sister try it. Karate, piano, soccer, whatever. Let him have his own space. |
Anonymous
1000x this. My sister and I are 21 months apart and did everything together. We even got our teeth and periods at the same time. She learned to read when I did. She was a huge suck-up to adults. (I don’t think adults actually took it this way. But maybe like your dd she really enjoyed getting praise). She is not more intelligent than I—proven over and over by standardized testing. It was actually annoying because I’d get a 1400 on the SAT and it was assumed my sister would do better. She never actually did. She also is bipolar, so she may be intelligent but impaired by the mental illness. My point is don’t call your ds bright and your dd exceptionally smart. The both sound normal. The can both push each other. The dd was ants to keep up with the ds. And the dd can push the ds. Your dd doesn’t sound like a wonder kid. Both my kids swam at 3. Didn’t use training wheels at just turned 4, and could sound out words at 3. One was reading chapter books before turning 4. They have high average to gifted IQ and different strengths and weaknesses. |
Anonymous
Yup this. Btw 6yo is on late end to teach your child to ride a bike. I taught mine just before 3yo. |
Anonymous
Please. It's perfectly normal. But nice of you to insert your brag about your 2 yo riding a bike. |
Anonymous
| Add some perks for the older child. Let him do things that his sister is not allowed to do. I know it is easier for you if they are both doing the same thing at the same time, but it isn't working for him. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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I was the little sister in this case and it was horrible for my older sister. We're close now, but it was a long road. I was always praised for being smart and athletic to the point where she stopped even trying in both, even though she was far, far above average in terms of intelligence and athleticism.
The thing is, I grew up feeling like those qualities were the most important things to do. I wasn't even that great of a person. I wasn't thoughtful. I had little empathy etc. What a slap in the face it was getting to adulthood and realizing that no one gave a shit that I played multiple varsity sports at a top university. Anyway, OP, praise kindness and empathy, praise work ethic. And while you can't control what strangers say to your kids, if there are other people in your life that are overdoing it with praise of your DD, tell him kindly to knock it off. |
Anonymous
+100 Divide and conquer with your spouse so you can let your older child do something the three year old just can't--or that the six year old just really really wants to do and it would be nice not to have to worry about a younger sibling. Like, a special movie outing, favorite restaurant, a museum of interest. Consider even an overnight while the other parent does some fun things one on one with the three year old. Once I weaned by second child, I took my first child on an overnight trip to Lancaster, PA, and we had the best time. |