Spinoff: how do you bring up sensitive information to new partners?

[Anonymous]

I'm fortunate to have never needed to do this.However the bipolar thread got me thinking. Is it just " hey I have this illness or I was abused." Do you give a heads up for a serious discussion?

[Anonymous]

Yes, if it is something that will continue to affect your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, if it is something that will continue to affect your life.

Obviously. But how do you bring the topic up is my question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, if it is something that will continue to affect your life.

Obviously. But how do you bring the topic up is my question.

How about “there is something I’d like to discuss with you.”

[Anonymous]

Before we go any further, I just want to let you xyz...

If it's something that permanent affects your life, I would like to know by date 3.

[Anonymous]

He went to hold my hand and wrapped his hand around my wrist. I nearly punched him. So that's how it came up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before we go any further, I just want to let you xyz...

If it's something that permanent affects your life, I would like to know by date 3.

Nope, you don't need to disclose something personal that early--especially if that person wouldn't be trustworthy with what you disclose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He went to hold my hand and wrapped his hand around my wrist. I nearly punched him. So that's how it came up.

Huh? I don’t understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He went to hold my hand and wrapped his hand around my wrist. I nearly punched him. So that's how it came up.

Huh? I don’t understand.

Survivor of abuse, I'm guessing. Instinctive reaction that needed to be explained.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, if it is something that will continue to affect your life.

Obviously. But how do you bring the topic up is my question.

I think it should come up naturally. It shouldn't be some big 'reveal' conversation. More like, as the subject of your childhoods come up you say that yours was difficult due to alcoholic mother. In another conversation about childhoods, you might expand further on the impact of that, etc. Talking about college, you might say that you went to XYZ college but it took you 5 years to graduate because you got treatment for an eating disorder in your junior year.

[Anonymous]

Of course, it should come up in conversation if you have a serious medical issue. But I wonder who those perfect people are who will immediately discount someone with bipolar or diabetes. I mean, it's not for everyone I get it. But who in their right mind can really say "nope, not dating anyone with a problem" right off the bat? Because we ALL deal with shit at one point or another in our life. We have situations that mold us and shape us. But it takes a special kind of immature, thoughtless, mindless moron to discount a person before you ever get a chance to know them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course, it should come up in conversation if you have a serious medical issue. But I wonder who those perfect people are who will immediately discount someone with bipolar or diabetes. I mean, it's not for everyone I get it. But who in their right mind can really say "nope, not dating anyone with a problem" right off the bat? Because we ALL deal with shit at one point or another in our life. We have situations that mold us and shape us. But it takes a special kind of immature, thoughtless, mindless moron to discount a person before you ever get a chance to know them.

Been there, seen it, done it. I’ve raced to the ER, I’ve visited the hospital psych unit for a few weeks at a time, and ultimately I got to go to a funeral after her suicide. So no, discounting another bipolar woman without even knowing her doesn’t make me immature or a moron. It means I’ve met my life quota of drama already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He went to hold my hand and wrapped his hand around my wrist. I nearly punched him. So that's how it came up.

I'd immediately next you if I were him. Don't need to deal with crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course, it should come up in conversation if you have a serious medical issue. But I wonder who those perfect people are who will immediately discount someone with bipolar or diabetes. I mean, it's not for everyone I get it. But who in their right mind can really say "nope, not dating anyone with a problem" right off the bat? Because we ALL deal with shit at one point or another in our life. We have situations that mold us and shape us. But it takes a special kind of immature, thoughtless, mindless moron to discount a person before you ever get a chance to know them.

It takes a special kind of crazy to think that other people have any obligation to deal with your crazy. (Hint: they don't.) Do you launch into a crazy diatribe like this when you tell the guy that he shouldn't discount you just because you're crazy? How has that worked out for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He went to hold my hand and wrapped his hand around my wrist. I nearly punched him. So that's how it came up.

You are an adult. Stop using it as a crutch.