Single ppl: do you feel friends take adv of singleness

[Anonymous]

I am on week 4 of taking care of a pet of a friend. Earlier in the year, they were away on vacation. Now, family emergency.

In theory, it’s fine and I am happy to do it. However, they are about a 20 min walk from me (or a quicker Uber ride...which is $), I frequently don’t get home until 9/930 from work (factoring in commute). It just dawned on me that they have family in the area and closer friends (but they have kids). I am actually annoyed now because I don’t understand why they aren’t asking ppl closer physically or people they will ‘rank’ over me. I also have limited family here so I am 100% self reliant. I pay to have my pet boarded when I am gone.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you just let yourself get taken advantage of and now you're bitter about it.

I'm single and love dog-sitting. Nobody takes advantage of me because I'm great at setting boundaries. Just because someone asks me to do something it doesn't mean I have to say yes.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Friends and family both. I am single by choice and really have had to work at teaching friends and family how to treat me (eg single person in vacation home doesn’t automatically get relegated to the couch; if I give separate gifts to sister, BIL and kids - I shouldn’t get just one back from family; I have a life back in my town same as you so don’t expect me to pick up the slack with aging parents...

I have no problem helping in emergencies but also have no problem saying no in non-emergencies. I truly love my nieces and nephews, my Godchildren and my friends’ children but I am not a babysitter.

[Anonymous]

I offer and will do it if its convenient. If you can't do it then say no. The other thing is, they can return the favour when you go on holidays rather than paying for boarding yourself.

I don't think it's such a thing as taking advantage but that you seem willing to do it. If it doesn't work for you just say you aren't available.

[Anonymous]

All you have to do is say no, OP. You can't say yes and then be angry at them...

[Anonymous]

You sound like a pushover. Remember the commercials? Just say no. This is not someone taking advantage of you, this is you lacking boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I offer and will do it if its convenient. If you can't do it then say no. The other thing is, they can return the favour when you go on holidays rather than paying for boarding yourself.

I don't think it's such a thing as taking advantage but that you seem willing to do it. If it doesn't work for you just say you aren't available.

Yup. You just to be upfront. So when they ask say, "I can watch Sparky, and since I'm out of town in January, would love for you to watch him then, does that work?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am on week 4 of taking care of a pet of a friend. Earlier in the year, they were away on vacation. Now, family emergency.

In theory, it’s fine and I am happy to do it. However, they are about a 20 min walk from me (or a quicker Uber ride...which is $), I frequently don’t get home until 9/930 from work (factoring in commute). It just dawned on me that they have family in the area and closer friends (but they have kids). I am actually annoyed now because I don’t understand why they aren’t asking ppl closer physically or people they will ‘rank’ over me. I also have limited family here so I am 100% self reliant. I pay to have my pet boarded when I am gone.

You are the friend that said “yes” when they called. So, they call you first the next time and you said, “yes”. So, they called you the next time and you said “yes”. They will not call someone else first because you say yes when they call you first. It has nothing to do with your “singleness”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am on week 4 of taking care of a pet of a friend. Earlier in the year, they were away on vacation. Now, family emergency.

In theory, it’s fine and I am happy to do it. However, they are about a 20 min walk from me (or a quicker Uber ride...which is $), I frequently don’t get home until 9/930 from work (factoring in commute). It just dawned on me that they have family in the area and closer friends (but they have kids). I am actually annoyed now because I don’t understand why they aren’t asking ppl closer physically or people they will ‘rank’ over me. I also have limited family here so I am 100% self reliant. I pay to have my pet boarded when I am gone.

You are the friend that said “yes” when they called. So, they call you first the next time and you said, “yes”. So, they called you the next time and you said “yes”. They will not call someone else first because you say yes when they call you first. It has nothing to do with your “singleness”.

Considering the other person they ask is also single, I think it is. (The other person has watched this pet as much as I have, so a total of 2 months).

But, to your point, I do need to say ‘no’ more. I honestly don’t ask people to do much for me so that adds to my annoyance.

[Anonymous]

It only has to do with their status as a single person because they haven't said "no" yet, which perhaps all the other non-single people with kids have learned to do.

OP said yes. Why wouldn't they go back to OP and ask again? OP, you need to learn to say no, and THAT is what they are taking advantage of, not your status as a single person.

[Anonymous]

They probably did call closer neighbors and family but they said no and you said yes. Next time say no.

[Anonymous]

Say no if you don't want to do it. Suggest they find a teenager or middle school neighbor on Nextdoor - that's what the folks in my neighborhood do. It doesn't cost much.

A friend of mine always asked me to look in on her cat. I didn't mind if she was going to be away for a few days and I could squeeze it in. But she asked me once to look in on him when she was literally gone less than 48 hours, and I had to say no. I leave my own cat at home alone for longer than that. Cats are good that way. And it was a hassle to have to meet her to get her key, then find a (paid) parking spot in her neighborhood, and fit it in around the other things I have to do. (I'm a single mom with a full time job and some coaching responsibilities so my time is pretty spoken-for.)

[Anonymous]

Have you asked them to pet sit for you and they said no?

Can’t really hold it against them if you haven’t asked for the same favor.

Ask these friends to take care of your pets when you travel or just one day as a test (find an excuse), they won’t ask you To pet sit for them anymore if they say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked them to pet sit for you and they said no?

Can’t really hold it against them if you haven’t asked for the same favor.

Ask these friends to take care of your pets when you travel or just one day as a test (find an excuse), they won’t ask you To pet sit for them anymore if they say no.

Our pets would not get along and mine cannot be left all day with only an hour of attention so short of one of them staying at my place that would not work.


I just find it interesting that one them have very needy parents in terms of how often they need to visit, etc...why aren’t you having them take your pet.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a you issue rather than a single issue. I probably sound like a jerk but I found myself pretty busy when I was single (work, drive home, make dinner, clean up, etc.). Obviously I am much busier now with kids but back then I still felt I was pretty busy and probably would have said no or at least not said yes routinely.