What do you tell work when you are out often?

[Anonymous]

I’ve just started the path of testing for infertility and foresee lots of appointments requiring me to miss work. I’m a teacher and my principal is strict with absences. I try to do early morning appointments and use no school days (ultrasound on Monday) to minimize time out. I’m stressing already about when she finally asks for doctors notes to substantiate absences. The doctors letterhead and name will give away that I’m trying to conceive. I’d rather not share this information. Has anyone been in this situation before? I’m thinking I could just submit notes to HR and they can just verify for the principal.

[Anonymous]

I’m far removed from academia but can TTC actually affect your job prospects or pay? Aren’t you unionized or on a fairly standard pay schedule?

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you try this to get ahead of the potential scenario you are stressed about...

Schedule an appointment with your HR rep and the principal. Tell them both during the meeting that you have a health issue going on that is going to require minimal time away from work over the next few months. Tell them that you will do everything you can to ensure you can schedule appointments before or after school hours, but that there may be times you need to take a half-day or similar. You could say something like “I’m going to be OK, and it’s not extremely serious, but I need to address it now. If you need documentation from my physicians I can certainly provide it. Otherwise, to me this is a personal and private matter and I want to ask for your discretion.” No need to elaborate more, or stress about this. If the principal or HR representative asks more questions, just reiterate that you will be OK, just repeat the above as often as necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m far removed from academia but can TTC actually affect your job prospects or pay? Aren’t you unionized or on a fairly standard pay schedule?

This is the same mistake people just made about Elizabeth Warren. Much better now but you still need a placement from a Principal - if the Principal kicks you back to the district, you might not be “fired” but you could end up in a rubber room or best case have to go out pregnant and try to find a Principal to take you on. Probably you end up in a much worse classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m far removed from academia but can TTC actually affect your job prospects or pay? Aren’t you unionized or on a fairly standard pay schedule?

This is the same mistake people just made about Elizabeth Warren. Much better now but you still need a placement from a Principal - if the Principal kicks you back to the district, you might not be “fired” but you could end up in a rubber room or best case have to go out pregnant and try to find a Principal to take you on. Probably you end up in a much worse classroom.

If a principal fires you or demoted for IVF appointments, what did you expect would happen with pregnancy??

[Anonymous]

OP if you get pregnant you’ll have MORE appointments when pregnant and they won’t be before school starts. This is the beginning of balancing family and work. If you don’t work somewhere you can go to a bunch of doctors appointments then find another job. IVF is for a limited amount of time. If you get pregnant you’ll have MANY appointments and could have complications. I assume you’ll be taking a maternity leave. In other words, if your principal can’t handle IVF then she won’t be able to handle pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would get in touch with your primary care physician. Explain the situation and ask your primary doctor to provide a note for work purposes.

Then, as the PP mentioned, get ahead of it by letting HR know you are dealing with a health issue and will have upcoming appointments, and give them the note.

[Anonymous]

Stupid question, but why can't you do this in the summer when you are off?
You being out all the time disrupts the kids learning. You are not in a job where this is ok.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the replies. I do have union protection but it doesn’t solve the problem. Once she is aware of what’s going on, it won’t be a problem. I just don’t want anyone to know the problem. I will talk to my HR department and see. I’ve already mentioned some basics to indicate a health concern that isn’t serious, so hopefully it’s enough to keep questions at bay. Notes can only be required after so many days or if she believes we are taking advantage of sick days. I’m trying to use part days so it doesn’t look as bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for the replies. I do have union protection but it doesn’t solve the problem. Once she is aware of what’s going on, it won’t be a problem. I just don’t want anyone to know the problem. I will talk to my HR department and see. I’ve already mentioned some basics to indicate a health concern that isn’t serious, so hopefully it’s enough to keep questions at bay. Notes can only be required after so many days or if she believes we are taking advantage of sick days. I’m trying to use part days so it doesn’t look as bad.

I'm the PP who suggested getting a note from your primary care physician, that way you can keep the problem confidential. If you want to keep it private, don't tell HR, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m far removed from academia but can TTC actually affect your job prospects or pay? Aren’t you unionized or on a fairly standard pay schedule?

This is the same mistake people just made about Elizabeth Warren. Much better now but you still need a placement from a Principal - if the Principal kicks you back to the district, you might not be “fired” but you could end up in a rubber room or best case have to go out pregnant and try to find a Principal to take you on. Probably you end up in a much worse classroom.

Please enlighten us on “end up in a rubber room.” What does that mean?

[Anonymous]

On the opposite end of the spectrum - one of our kids teachers announced at back to school night that she's doing IVF, so is late some mornings -everyone just kind of shrugged given that half of us probably also did infertility treatments - she was totally upfront with the school and they have been supportive. . .I mean teachers are often in the age bracket of having children. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stupid question, but why can't you do this in the summer when you are off?
You being out all the time disrupts the kids learning. You are not in a job where this is ok.

That is indeed a stupid question. My infertility treatments lasted 18 months. Where is summer that long?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would get in touch with your primary care physician. Explain the situation and ask your primary doctor to provide a note for work purposes.

Then, as the PP mentioned, get ahead of it by letting HR know you are dealing with a health issue and will have upcoming appointments, and give them the note.

This is a great idea, and I missed it when I replied. I will call them next week and ask if they are able to do this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stupid question, but why can't you do this in the summer when you are off?
You being out all the time disrupts the kids learning. You are not in a job where this is ok.

This is probably one of the most ignorant posts I have seen on this site.