All the ways to throw money at making 2 little kids and 2 working parents easier

[Anonymous]

We have a baby that doesn't sleep through the night, toddler, and both have demanding jobs. I make time during their awake hours to spend a good amount of focused time with the kids but I'm EXHAUSTED trying to take care of everything else. Fortunately, we have some money to throw at the problem so please give me all the ideas of what you do or would like to throw money at. The more it fully takes something mentally off my plate the better - for example I know a lot of people order groceries but that still leaves meal planning, figuring out what you need to buy, figuring out if you can get home from work in time to cook it etc - I just don't have the mental energy right now to plan things that much.

I realize I have it better than many people and accept I (and my dh but they're never blamed for wanting domestic help on dcum) may be weak / soft / spoiled and whatever else some posters would like to call me. Name call away, just still give me the tips please!

[Anonymous]

Get a great nanny who is also a house manager. Our former nanny handled everything (ordering, grocery shopping, payment for house cleaners, scheduled handiman, kid’s lessons payments, birthday party gifts and wrapped them, etc). All this while being a great teacher and loving nanny to my child.

We also have a personal chef come in once a week and make four nights of dinners for DH and I.

Oh, and our once-a-week housecleaner does DH and my laundry.

[Anonymous]

1. Sleep consultant stat
2. cleaning lady twice a week.
3. Nanny

I have 2 and 3, and do one load of laundry a week.

[Anonymous]

I posted on a different thread that I now stay home. We went from 2 demanding jobs to 1 demanding job plus 9-5 job. Then I got a more flexible job to PT job to now being a SAHM. We have 3 kids.

You need more than FT help. We used to have a full time nanny, housekeeper, cook and tutor. Our cook did the grocery shopping. I would tell her the meals I wanted. She used to cook for us 3x per week but make enough meals for the week. On weekends, we would still eat out and get delivery sometimes. We rarely did any housework. All my time home was quality time with the kids.

I sent my kid to preschool with extended care. I used to get sensitive about calling it daycare. I sent my older kid to preschool and also had a FT nanny.

When I had my third kid, I said I would get a night nurse but I never got one. I figured I would have to get up to nurse anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted on a different thread that I now stay home. We went from 2 demanding jobs to 1 demanding job plus 9-5 job. Then I got a more flexible job to PT job to now being a SAHM. We have 3 kids.

You need more than FT help. We used to have a full time nanny, housekeeper, cook and tutor. Our cook did the grocery shopping. I would tell her the meals I wanted. She used to cook for us 3x per week but make enough meals for the week. On weekends, we would still eat out and get delivery sometimes. We rarely did any housework. All my time home was quality time with the kids.

I sent my kid to preschool with extended care. I used to get sensitive about calling it daycare. I sent my older kid to preschool and also had a FT nanny.

When I had my third kid, I said I would get a night nurse but I never got one. I figured I would have to get up to nurse anyways.

When did you decide to stay home? I've considered it but honestly, the only thing that sounds more exhausting than fitting in work is taking care of my infant and 2 year old all day! They are relentless and weekends are even more exhausting in some ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted on a different thread that I now stay home. We went from 2 demanding jobs to 1 demanding job plus 9-5 job. Then I got a more flexible job to PT job to now being a SAHM. We have 3 kids.

You need more than FT help. We used to have a full time nanny, housekeeper, cook and tutor. Our cook did the grocery shopping. I would tell her the meals I wanted. She used to cook for us 3x per week but make enough meals for the week. On weekends, we would still eat out and get delivery sometimes. We rarely did any housework. All my time home was quality time with the kids.

I sent my kid to preschool with extended care. I used to get sensitive about calling it daycare. I sent my older kid to preschool and also had a FT nanny.

When I had my third kid, I said I would get a night nurse but I never got one. I figured I would have to get up to nurse anyways.

When did you decide to stay home? I've considered it but honestly, the only thing that sounds more exhausting than fitting in work is taking care of my infant and 2 year old all day! They are relentless and weekends are even more exhausting in some ways.

OP here - Also I'm technically 60% at a job based on 50 hours a week. But each week I'm working 40-43 hours (my work is supportive of making 60% work but at the end of the day its my job to figure out how to structure it and so far I haven't. I take 2 mornings off a week typically to get time with each kid but then end up working late into the night to get work done and am just constant stressed bouncing from one task to the next

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted on a different thread that I now stay home. We went from 2 demanding jobs to 1 demanding job plus 9-5 job. Then I got a more flexible job to PT job to now being a SAHM. We have 3 kids.

You need more than FT help. We used to have a full time nanny, housekeeper, cook and tutor. Our cook did the grocery shopping. I would tell her the meals I wanted. She used to cook for us 3x per week but make enough meals for the week. On weekends, we would still eat out and get delivery sometimes. We rarely did any housework. All my time home was quality time with the kids.

I sent my kid to preschool with extended care. I used to get sensitive about calling it daycare. I sent my older kid to preschool and also had a FT nanny.

When I had my third kid, I said I would get a night nurse but I never got one. I figured I would have to get up to nurse anyways.

When did you decide to stay home? I've considered it but honestly, the only thing that sounds more exhausting than fitting in work is taking care of my infant and 2 year old all day! They are relentless and weekends are even more exhausting in some ways.

OP here - Also I'm technically 60% at a job based on 50 hours a week. But each week I'm working 40-43 hours (my work is supportive of making 60% work but at the end of the day its my job to figure out how to structure it and so far I haven't. I take 2 mornings off a week typically to get time with each kid but then end up working late into the night to get work done and am just constant stressed bouncing from one task to the next

I made it until my oldest was at the end of kindergarten. After school activities and sports was a killer. Mix in snow days and sick days.

I took a large pay cut. I worked in finance and gave up my giant bonuses for flexibility.

We do know dual career couples with multiple nannies or live in help. It wasn’t for our family but we know families with FT nannies even though kids are in school full time. Nanny gets kids to school and their after school activities.

[Anonymous]

Pp again. Being part time is the worst of both worlds, at least it was for me. I often was finishing up work after kids were in bed. Even though I had a full time nanny, I would leave napping baby at home and take the toddler out. I so wanted to take him to the park or that pumpkin patch with the neighborhood moms. And I basically still worked full time but got paid part time. With all the distractions, I didn’t feel I was doing my best work either.

[Anonymous]

1) weekend help to catch up, like a nanny who can take at least one of them for a few hours a day.
2) night nurse for infant — I did this while EBFing both of mine rule they were 1.5. With the first she would bring the baby to nurse and put him back down. With the second, my sleep helped my supply so much that I was able to pump what was consumed during the night and still feed in the morning. The unbroken sleep is so helpful.
3) someone who can put a simple meal on, do laundry, and get groceries a few times a week.
4) mother’s helper or similar to help tidy up at night.

It’s really temporary, and will be much more manageable in a year or two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. Being part time is the worst of both worlds, at least it was for me. I often was finishing up work after kids were in bed. Even though I had a full time nanny, I would leave napping baby at home and take the toddler out. I so wanted to take him to the park or that pumpkin patch with the neighborhood moms. And I basically still worked full time but got paid part time. With all the distractions, I didn’t feel I was doing my best work either.

Thats exactly how I'm feeling. I'm using my "part time" time off work to still do child care (which I want to do) and still basically fitting in a full time job. I appreciate the flexibility and want to make it work but am cracking given that it's currently not

[Anonymous]

You and DH should sit down and make lists of all the physical and mental things that need to be done and see what you each *enjoy* doing. And then figure out a way to outsource what neither of you enjoy. We have a 1/2 time housekeeper who does everything in our house, runs errands, cooks 1-2x/ week, etc. We have a part-time babysitter (gave up the nanny when our kids got older and invested in a 25/ hour housekeeper instead), dog-walker, yard person, back up driver and handyman on call. So, yes, we've also thrown a lot of money at it but it maximizes time we have with the kids.

Me? I love cooking dinner with my kids flitting about the kitchen, doing homework, feeling like we're having a close family evening. I try to do that 3-5 x/ week when my schedule allows. But I hate menu planning and grocery shopping. Grocery shopping is easy but I struggle on what to do with menu planning - DH will do it but everyone complains...

I like knowing all the logistics, plans and vacations - things DH is happy to have on a need-to-know-basis so I keep things like rsvp'ing to parties, planning things, etc.

I have probably done 10 loads of laundry in 7 years. I hate it. Housekeeper does it 90% of the time. Otherwise DH and kids do it when needed.

I've written a job description for a personal assistant but haven't pulled the trigger on trying to find someone. Things are on the job description like - organizing my home office, submitting health care receipts because so few doctor offices accept insurance anymore, organizing personal photos, etc. Basically a grab-bag of stuff I don't feel I keep up on top of it as much as I'd like.

Just realize that what you need changes over time so make sure the lines of communication are open between you and DH and revisit regularly.

[Anonymous]

Nanny or great day care for the kids; 2x week cleaning; house manager to handle errands, household repairs, ordering, etc. We're lucky to also have my local MIL (retired) help 3-4 x week (and just be a presence) and my mom (owns own company) for solid chunks of time a few times a year.

We rarely go to stores to shop and my company especially provides some extra services (ex. did all background checks and assisted on hiring of nannies and house manager.) Throwing money at stresses in our life is our mantra.

[Anonymous]

OP here - for those of you with house manages / house keepers that cook and do errands and things - how did you find them?

[Anonymous]

My housekeeper comes 3x weekly and cooks 2x weekly (she’d cook more but DH also cooks and it was kind of stressful to have that much food around. I’d recommend some iteration of that. Found her on care.com.

[Anonymous]

We have two kids and no permanent external help but I’m a big fan of (a) our high school babysitter who likes to clean / organize and (b) once a year getting a professional organizer to help me rethink systems / organize our home.