Metro Etiquette - Vent

[Anonymous]

Is Metro Etiquette (in some cases, disregard for the law!) getting worse? In one day's commute I witnessed/ experienced the following. And, this day is not an outlier!

- AM Commute: Visibly pregnant woman - clearly in her third trimester - gets on train and no one offers her a seat. I am standing as well, but ask her if she'd like to sit and if I can help find her a seat, but the train begins moving so she says she'd rather stand. A man standing next to us observes the conversation and asks a man to give up his seat for the expecting woman. He does so, and seems sheepish, but with a smile.

- PM Commute: Visibly impaired man with a walking stick feels his way onto train and no one offers him a seat. He stands until we get to next stop, when a helpful passenger asks one of the people sitting in the handicap seats to give up their seat for him, which they do.

- Also PM Commute: I am standing in the aisle between rows. As the train is still moving and pulling up to station -- which tends to be the shakiest part of the ride -- man who is sitting taps me on the shoulder and says excuse me, motioning for me to let go of handle bar on seat in front of him so he can walk to the door as the train is still moving. I was feeling like a pill, so I said "I am getting off at the next stop also" (which is true) and I don't release my grip on bar until the train has stopped. I was not going to stand, without holding something, while the train jerkily pulls into the station and risk falling. And yet, people ask to move by you in a fashion that you'd have to let go of whatever you're holding when the train is pulling into the station ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!

This is just a vent, but wow. I understand that people sitting in the handicap seats could have ailments that don't immediately present themselves, but most of the time I see people sitting in those seats who are staring at their cell phones when the train lets people on and they pay no attention to whether or not someone really needs those seats.

I had a baby a few months ago and I'd say that people offered me a seat 1 out of 5 times when I was on the train and visibly pregnant. I began coming into work late and staying late so that my odds of getting a seat were higher. It's really disappointing.

[Anonymous]

I feel like all of these things have been happening for years. I had knee surgery about 10 years ago and took the train a few times on crutches. No one offered me a seat and one bold a-hole admonished me for letting my crutch touch their foot.

[Anonymous]

Actually, your first few examples show people standing up for others and asking them to move! That’s great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, your first few examples show people standing up for others and asking them to move! That’s great!

I think OP's point is that people who visibly need seats shouldn't have to ask -- people should know to give up their seats for pregnant riders and people who clearly have mobility issues. It is nice that other riders are looking out for them, but people who are seated have a responsibility to be mindful of people who NEED seats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like all of these things have been happening for years. I had knee surgery about 10 years ago and took the train a few times on crutches. No one offered me a seat and one bold a-hole admonished me for letting my crutch touch their foot.

+1.

[Anonymous]

People are oblivious.

The practical solution is to advocate for yourself.

You can't count on others to do the right thing by themselves. That's not a judgement, it's a simple fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, your first few examples show people standing up for others and asking them to move! That’s great!

I think OP's point is that people who visibly need seats shouldn't have to ask -- people should know to give up their seats for pregnant riders and people who clearly have mobility issues. It is nice that other riders are looking out for them, but people who are seated have a responsibility to be mindful of people who NEED seats.

That's a good idea in theory, but people are going to read or play with their phones or whatever during a 20 minute ride vs actively looking at every stop just in case if they are in a regular seat. If an able bodied person is in a handicapped seat they 100% should be scanning, though. Also in a crowded train, people in the seats cannot see the stomachs or feet of people who just got on unless they make their way over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, your first few examples show people standing up for others and asking them to move! That’s great!

I think OP's point is that people who visibly need seats shouldn't have to ask -- people should know to give up their seats for pregnant riders and people who clearly have mobility issues. It is nice that other riders are looking out for them, but people who are seated have a responsibility to be mindful of people who NEED seats.

That's a good idea in theory, but people are going to read or play with their phones or whatever during a 20 minute ride vs actively looking at every stop just in case if they are in a regular seat. If an able bodied person is in a handicapped seat they 100% should be scanning, though. Also in a crowded train, people in the seats cannot see the stomachs or feet of people who just got on unless they make their way over.

I think we are all talking about able-bodied person sitting in the handicapped seat and not looking up to see if they need to give it up. They should absolutely do that.

[Anonymous]

I share your experience, OP. When I rode the Metro from DC to Maryland during my pregnancies, all the way to 39 weeks, people rarely offered me a seat. 1 in 5 sounds about right. And I'm a petite, thin person... there was no confusing my big pregnant belly for excess weight, I looked like I was smuggling a beach ball. People just pretended they didn't see me. I lived, but man, some of those rides were really tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are oblivious.

The practical solution is to advocate for yourself.

You can't count on others to do the right thing by themselves. That's not a judgement, it's a simple fact.

I think oblivious is key and not entirely unreasonable. When I am on the train, I am usually engrossed in reading something. I am not constantly looking around to see if someone who needs a seat might have gotten on at the previous stop. If I notice that someone has or someone says something, I am happy to give up the seat. But I don't think it is my job to be on the lookout just in case someone might need the seat if I am doing other things.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to be careful in these situations op describes where people are inserting themselves where they don't necessarily belong. All because they want to stand up to someone and enforce metro's rules. These things tend to escalate and turn into nasty confrontations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are oblivious.

The practical solution is to advocate for yourself.

You can't count on others to do the right thing by themselves. That's not a judgement, it's a simple fact.

I think oblivious is key and not entirely unreasonable. When I am on the train, I am usually engrossed in reading something. I am not constantly looking around to see if someone who needs a seat might have gotten on at the previous stop. If I notice that someone has or someone says something, I am happy to give up the seat. But I don't think it is my job to be on the lookout just in case someone might need the seat if I am doing other things.

I was always under the impression that if you're sitting in one of the handicapped seats, it is your job to be on the lookout since that is priority seating. Is that not everyone's understanding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like all of these things have been happening for years. I had knee surgery about 10 years ago and took the train a few times on crutches. No one offered me a seat and one bold a-hole admonished me for letting my crutch touch their foot.

I was on crutches twice after surgeries and what I noticed was that people were looking down at their phones and didn't see me there. So I would just announce into the air as I got on the car "Would someone give me a seat?" Once people see you, most know they should get up. But they may not see you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually, your first few examples show people standing up for others and asking them to move! That’s great!

I think OP's point is that people who visibly need seats shouldn't have to ask -- people should know to give up their seats for pregnant riders and people who clearly have mobility issues. It is nice that other riders are looking out for them, but people who are seated have a responsibility to be mindful of people who NEED seats.

That's a good idea in theory, but people are going to read or play with their phones or whatever during a 20 minute ride vs actively looking at every stop just in case if they are in a regular seat. If an able bodied person is in a handicapped seat they 100% should be scanning, though. Also in a crowded train, people in the seats cannot see the stomachs or feet of people who just got on unless they make their way over.

And sometimes it's really hard to tell whether a woman is pregnant or obese. I've looked at people and tried to figure out what to do. It's uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

I'm not an a-hole but I think that people with disabilities need to advocate for themselves and ask for a seat. When I was 40 weeks pregnant I wouldn't have wanted someone to offer me a seat. Pregnancy was just a part of my life and I felt good.

I think the policy is that those people have to give up seats when requested.