Metro Etiquette - Vent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are oblivious.

The practical solution is to advocate for yourself.

You can't count on others to do the right thing by themselves. That's not a judgement, it's a simple fact.

I think oblivious is key and not entirely unreasonable. When I am on the train, I am usually engrossed in reading something. I am not constantly looking around to see if someone who needs a seat might have gotten on at the previous stop. If I notice that someone has or someone says something, I am happy to give up the seat. But I don't think it is my job to be on the lookout just in case someone might need the seat if I am doing other things.

I was always under the impression that if you're sitting in one of the handicapped seats, it is your job to be on the lookout since that is priority seating. Is that not everyone's understanding?

I'm the PP you responded to and I agree with you. I wasn't talking about the handicapped seats. I wouldn't usually take one of those even if open and, if I did, then I agree you have more of an obligation to keep your eyes out for someone who needs it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are oblivious.

The practical solution is to advocate for yourself.

You can't count on others to do the right thing by themselves. That's not a judgement, it's a simple fact.

I think oblivious is key and not entirely unreasonable. When I am on the train, I am usually engrossed in reading something. I am not constantly looking around to see if someone who needs a seat might have gotten on at the previous stop. If I notice that someone has or someone says something, I am happy to give up the seat. But I don't think it is my job to be on the lookout just in case someone might need the seat if I am doing other things.

I was always under the impression that if you're sitting in one of the handicapped seats, it is your job to be on the lookout since that is priority seating. Is that not everyone's understanding?

I'm the PP you responded to and I agree with you. I wasn't talking about the handicapped seats. I wouldn't usually take one of those even if open and, if I did, then I agree you have more of an obligation to keep your eyes out for someone who needs it.

Also important to note that the seats by the doors are not all handicapped designated. Only half the seats by the center doors and none of the seats by the front or back doors are marked. People in those non-marked seats are not obligated to be on high alert at all times. Most people will give it up if you get their attention and ask, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I share your experience, OP. When I rode the Metro from DC to Maryland during my pregnancies, all the way to 39 weeks, people rarely offered me a seat. 1 in 5 sounds about right. And I'm a petite, thin person... there was no confusing my big pregnant belly for excess weight, I looked like I was smuggling a beach ball. People just pretended they didn't see me. I lived, but man, some of those rides were really tough.

+1

I regularly utilized Metro bus and rail throughout both my pregnancies (second baby was born 5 weeks ago). I also share these experiences. I work non-traditional hours and avoided rush hours like the plague because of this. I was taught to be mindful of others and give up a seat when someone less able-bodied needed one, which I’ve done on multiple occasions.

Some of the most stressful times were when I was in my second and third trimester (I’m tall and lean and there was no mistaking I was pregnant) with my older, preschool-aged child in tow. In my observation, women were more likely to give up seats than men and respect personal space (it’s called manspreading for a reason, I learned). Taking public transit as a pregnant woman with/without other kids didn’t do much to restore my faith in humanity. People care more about their devices or their bag having a seat than other people on the car/bus.

After living car-free for nearly a decade, I inherited one at 36 weeks and it’s been so much less stressful getting around with kids.

[Anonymous]

This all sounds pretty normal (if not acceptable), except that when I was pregnant three years ago, people were generally good about offering their seats, but if no one moved, I just asked someone if I could sit down and they complied without a fuss. I agree that people keep their heads buried in their phones and don't notice when someone needing a seat boards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I share your experience, OP. When I rode the Metro from DC to Maryland during my pregnancies, all the way to 39 weeks, people rarely offered me a seat. 1 in 5 sounds about right. And I'm a petite, thin person... there was no confusing my big pregnant belly for excess weight, I looked like I was smuggling a beach ball. People just pretended they didn't see me. I lived, but man, some of those rides were really tough.

Did you actually ask for a seat? It is pretty hard for someone to pretend not to see you when you have asked. And if you didn't, that is at least as much on you.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to remember that some disabilities are not obvious when you judge people for not giving up a seat. I'm sure I look able bodied, but I have a nerve injury in my leg, which isn't obvious because the brace is under my clothes. Because of the injury, I have the worst balance and have a terribly difficult time standing when the train is moving. So, while I believe that self advocacy is the way to go, I think you have to be careful about asking a specific person to vacate their seat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to remember that some disabilities are not obvious when you judge people for not giving up a seat. I'm sure I look able bodied, but I have a nerve injury in my leg, which isn't obvious because the brace is under my clothes. Because of the injury, I have the worst balance and have a terribly difficult time standing when the train is moving. So, while I believe that self advocacy is the way to go, I think you have to be careful about asking a specific person to vacate their seat.

Ok, but do you advocate for yourself? If not, how would someone know you need a seat? And if you are advocating for yourself, why shouldn't someone else, even if it might be more obvious someone else needs a seat? (And I say might because it can be dangerous territory assuming someone is pregnant or otherwise infirm and, as others have said, someone obviously pregnant may not actually need or want a seat.)

If someone asked you for your seat, the solution for you (or anyone else who needs that seat) to say no -- possibly with a very brief and generic explanation. There will almost certainly be an able bodied person in one of the other seats around them. The solution is not for people not to self-advocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I share your experience, OP. When I rode the Metro from DC to Maryland during my pregnancies, all the way to 39 weeks, people rarely offered me a seat. 1 in 5 sounds about right. And I'm a petite, thin person... there was no confusing my big pregnant belly for excess weight, I looked like I was smuggling a beach ball. People just pretended they didn't see me. I lived, but man, some of those rides were really tough.

Did you actually ask for a seat? It is pretty hard for someone to pretend not to see you when you have asked. And if you didn't, that is at least as much on you.

A few times in the third trimester, when I was really not feeling well or the train was uncomfortably packed, I did ask. I generally got no verbal acknowledgment/response and no eye contact, but the person did move each time. I am fortunate and had easy pregnancies, so most of the time I would just suck it up and stand.

I personally have always gotten up for everyone - pregnant women, older/elderly people, kids / parents with little kids, people who appear injured. Not because I'm some great person - I am nothing special - but because I would always picture my own family members in the same situation and think about how I would hope someone would show them a little compassion and get up for them.

99% of the time, the people who did get up for me without me having to ask were other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

99% of the time, the people who did get up for me without me having to ask were other women.

Absolutely this. It was almost always women who rushed to offer me their seat. But overall I can't say I agree that people are significantly more rude. Men and women of all ages (and I'm including teenagers, which surprised me) are still quick to offer me a seat when I'm with my toddler, even if I'm not obviously struggling in some way.

[Anonymous]

I rode the metro during all three of my pregnancies. I only ride a few stops and the trains are crowded. I never asked to sit down or expected others to move for me. I felt fine even at the end. I hope others weren’t judging those sitting for not moving for me. I was perfectly capable of asking if I wanted a seat.

[Anonymous]

I avoid the unwashed masses on the metro and just drive wherever I need to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I avoid the unwashed masses on the metro and just drive wherever I need to go.

Guess I'm tougher than you. The unwashed masses don't scare me.

[Anonymous]

Get a life.

[Anonymous]

Really? People have been exceptionally kind to me on the metro. Once when I had a toddler and stroller and the elevator had broken down, a random family helped me down the stairs. People have offered me seats when I was pregnant.

Maybe I was lucky, but I just don’t see the lack of kindness that some people describe.