My DD wants to go into the military but I'm concerned as to the underlying reasons
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Anonymous
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I'm asking on DCUM because I know a lot of you are from military families. I don't know a lot about the military, and so might have some assumptions that you can correct, and I apologize in advance for what might be really dumb statements.
So, my 15 y.o. DD (freshman) is super-athletic and outdoorsy. She's also highly disciplined and has every second programmed as to her workouts and study time etc and has excellent grades. She has played a team sport since age 4; great team player. Heads out into the wilderness every chance she can get. Very focused on the flora/fauna (how many hawks and their location, what native plant is in bloom when, etc). Has done a couple of wilderness excursions (learning to backpack and survive in the wild). My ILs are retired Navy, and my DH wanted to go into the Navy but never could due to asthma. We don't have a boy, and she is our last kid....I think my DH has sort of done the stereotypical "boy-I-never-had-who-can-do-what-I-didn't-get-to-do" route with her (football, lots of war movies) and she bonds with him over that. My DD wants to go into the military but my concern is that her view is glorified. I think what she wants is wilderness, physicality, teamwork and discipline (like in the movies). I don't think she understands that she will not be able to control what she is doing and where she is located. For instance, she has really bad eczema and could be located in a desert. Or she could get an assignment to work in a basement. I've talked to her about that; about thinking more about stuff like search-and-rescue or forest ranger or field biologist. I admit that I am also not familiar with how much control one gets over their job/location when in the military; I'm just making that assumption. And I'm also concerned about the idea that one can be put in dangerous situations but one cannot quit (unlike, say, forest ranger--if you don't like it you can quit). And I'm concerned re the culture as it extends to females (the news makes it out to be a culture where rape is more common and hushed up) I thought this was a phase, but another DD told me that "it's not a phase, mom, she wants to do it, she just has stopped telling you." Whoops. So. I've got many questions I'd like DCUM folks who have military experience either themselves or in their family to weigh in on. Whether my assumptions are correct; if not, how am I off? And if my concerns are valid, what are other fields I can have her look into, or should I have her go to college first? Also the following: If she's set on this, then are there pre-college programs that I should look into? How is a military college route different than a non-military 4 year college and then the military? I know she is 14 and things can change, however; this has been going on for a few years now, and, I think if I'm to accept it I'd like to explore things she can do in high school that can help her decide, or help her chances (in getting into a military college) going forward. argh as I type I barely know what I'm talking about. I just want to learn more so I know how I can be of assistance to her, either way. Thank you in advance... |
Anonymous
| How strong of a student is she, especially in science? |
Anonymous
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If enlisted, SERE specialist/instructor is probably your best shot at being in the wilderness:
https://www.airforce.com/careers/detail/survival-evasion-resistance-and-escape-sere |
Anonymous
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https://www.usace.army.mil/Careers/
Would she be interested in Civilian jobs with the Army Corps of Engineers? They hire biologists, ecologists, park rangers. |
Anonymous
| I would have her talk to members of different branches of the military to see which one she might want to go into and what kind of job she might want. The options are pretty endless. Yes, it's a commitment but it doesn't have to be forever if she doesn't like it. It doesn't look like you can stop her so you might as well help her make the best decision possible. It sounds like it might actually be a good fit for her. |
Anonymous
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I'd advise her to go to college, explore as many options as she can, and join as an officer after college if that's what she still wants to do. If she gets into the Naval Academy, that's a different story. In that case, she should go, fulfill her active duty time commitment, and then decide if it's right long-term. Some schools have ROTC programs, but I'm not familiar with how those work today so maybe someone else can chime in.
DH is retired AF, my family has been career Navy for generations, and I've worked around military for my entire professional life. As far as egalitarian, equal opportunity organizations to work for, I can't think of too many that are better for women. It is truly inspiring when a room full of people jump to their feet and salute when the woman commanding officer walks into the room. I'd advise against active duty Marine Corps though; I think quality of life is better in the others. |
Anonymous
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Could you suggest that she go to college for something in the fields you have mentioned and join ROTC while in college. This could set her up for a great military career in a field she would enjoy while also giving her a taste of the military expectations prior to actually enlisting.
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Anonymous
| How much of it is that you don't want her to do what DHs family wants? |
Anonymous
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Why not encourage her to try to go to a service academy, or at least go ROTC in college?
If she goes ROTC at a regular (non military) college, she can try the military out and see if it's for her. She sounds like the military might be a good fit. |
Anonymous
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My spouse did ROTC at a well regarded university. It worked out because he still had a "normal" college experience for the most part. He was on scholarship, so he had no/few student loans, and got to be a commissioned officer upon graduation.
Some of our brilliant woman friends who we met through ROTC had very accomplished military careers in science with multiple graduate degrees paid for by the military and cushy assignments no where near danger. Having lived that life with him, my recommendations are: Be an officer and avoid going to a war zone by joining the Air Force or Navy |
Anonymous
| My husband is retired air force. I'd fully support mine going into Navy or Air Force but my requirement is that they go in as an officer as life is much much easier. Encourage her to go to college, especially if you will pay, and then go in as an officer. Makes a world of difference. My husband was enlisted and it was a very tuff life and officers don't treat enlisted very well (except the rare few) and the jobs for enlisted are the support jobs. There are some great support jobs but most aren't very good. |
Anonymous
Our air force friends have absolutely been in a war zone. Same with Navy. Not sure where this is coming from or someone isn't really that familiar with military. Officers still go to the war zones. Someone has to command. |
Anonymous
I didn't get that at all from OP. |
Anonymous
My husband was in for 12 years. I've met many people from all branches. People in the Army and Marines are much more likely to be in war zones. You know this. |
Anonymous
| College + ROTC. I don't know anyone who served who doesn't advocate going in as an officer. She'll also be much more likely to figure out what part of the military lends itself to her interests and strengths rather with some exposure through ROTC. |