Zero conflict resolution-going nuts

[Anonymous]

My husband of 15 years has no ability to address or resolve conflict. He pretends that everything is fine but continues to repeat the same behaviors over and over, even if I’ve told him how damaging it is to our relationship. I’m a natural problem solver and this lack of resolution and continued fights has me at my wits end. Looking for advice...

[Anonymous]

I suggest adding kinky sex.

[Anonymous]

Can you provide examples for context

[Anonymous]

OP here, for example, I ask him to communicate when he is away by responding to calls or texts and he does not. He decides when he wants to respond even though we have kids and it might be emergent etc. He just doesn’t answer.

[Anonymous]

You sound super controlling. He likely reads the text as unimportant or not needing an immediate response and moves throughout his day. What is the need for immediate response in an obvious non-emergency?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, for example, I ask him to communicate when he is away by responding to calls or texts and he does not. He decides when he wants to respond even though we have kids and it might be emergent etc. He just doesn’t answer.

That’s not a conflict. That’s you wanting immediate validation/response ....why is that? Do you have anxiety?

[Anonymous]

Op here again, I’m not talking about the day to day. This is when he goes out with friends, travels etc. He disappears for hours on end. I don’t expect a rapid response during the work day, neither of us have availability to respond quickly, we both have intense jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here again, I’m not talking about the day to day. This is when he goes out with friends, travels etc. He disappears for hours on end. I don’t expect a rapid response during the work day, neither of us have availability to respond quickly, we both have intense jobs.

Why does he need to respond? Do you not trust him? Sounds like your annoyed that your Mommy mode of checking in on him is being ignored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here again, I’m not talking about the day to day. This is when he goes out with friends, travels etc. He disappears for hours on end. I don’t expect a rapid response during the work day, neither of us have availability to respond quickly, we both have intense jobs.

Why does he need to respond? Do you not trust him? Sounds like your annoyed that your Mommy mode of checking in on him is being ignored.

.+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here again, I’m not talking about the day to day. This is when he goes out with friends, travels etc. He disappears for hours on end. I don’t expect a rapid response during the work day, neither of us have availability to respond quickly, we both have intense jobs.

Why does he need to respond? Do you not trust him? Sounds like your annoyed that your Mommy mode of checking in on him is being ignored.

.+1

Wait, what? Are we not expected to communicate and keep in contact with our spouses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here again, I’m not talking about the day to day. This is when he goes out with friends, travels etc. He disappears for hours on end. I don’t expect a rapid response during the work day, neither of us have availability to respond quickly, we both have intense jobs.

He’s probably just having fun with his friends and coworkers. Chill. The more anxious you get, the more he will distance himself. If it’s an actual emergency, text him, but it’s not like an immediate response from him is going to matter in an actual life or death situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here again, I’m not talking about the day to day. This is when he goes out with friends, travels etc. He disappears for hours on end. I don’t expect a rapid response during the work day, neither of us have availability to respond quickly, we both have intense jobs.

Why does he need to respond? Do you not trust him? Sounds like your annoyed that your Mommy mode of checking in on him is being ignored.

.+1

Wait, what? Are we not expected to communicate and keep in contact with our spouses?

Sounds like he responds to non-emergencies within a few hours...just not on your self-imposes timeline. Why does it annoy you so much?

[Anonymous]

Disappears for days would be bad. Disappears for hours? I mean, is it 2-3 hours or 12-24 hours? When my husband is out he is often unreachable for 2-3 hours or if on a trip up to 5-6 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here again, I’m not talking about the day to day. This is when he goes out with friends, travels etc. He disappears for hours on end. I don’t expect a rapid response during the work day, neither of us have availability to respond quickly, we both have intense jobs.

Why does he need to respond? Do you not trust him? Sounds like your annoyed that your Mommy mode of checking in on him is being ignored.

.+1

NP: DH and I both expect to be respond/ be responded to as soon as possible, unless we are truly unavailable (in a meeting, on a flight etc). Even if it is just- “ok great- will call you later tonight” or similar. That said, we don’t over text or overly annoy each other either.

I didn’t realize this was unusual actually!

[Anonymous]

If it is important to you AND makes you feel better, then as your husband he should make a good effort to contact you after you contact him.

For him not to, knowing full well that it means a lot to you is not being an aware, diligent partner.
All successful relationships need to have give + take - -
From BOTH sides.

I would be going nuts too.
The best thing you can do here is talk to him when he is in a good mood and the kids are not around.
Hopefully he will take your needs into account when his head is clear.

Best of luck to you both.