Weird support group situation - would you drop out bc of an obnoxious person?

[Anonymous]

I am not sure if this is an appropriate post for the section but to be honest I am not sure where I should post it and I am hoping that I can get some advice here! I recently joined a support group for individuals that have gone through a specific tragedy. There was a waiting list for the group and the organization was able to open a new chapter so that a bunch of us could join at the same time.

One person in the group was so bad to be around I honestly don’t know how to verbalize it because nothing I say in this post will give an accurate depiction of how irritating the situation was. This woman absolutely would not shut up throughout this entire support group meeting. She literally interrupted every single person over and over and over again as they were sharing their stories, all of which were very emotional. Imagine a table full of people crying as they are opening up and being vulnerable to a group of strangers and then we have motormouth Sally who WILL NOT SHUT THE F UP. Probably 2/3 of it was trying to make everyone else’s story about her, but I’d say a solid third of it was not even that- just generally interrupting, asking probing questions, etc. She seemed manic. I feel like I have not interacted with someone so socially unaware in as long as I can remember.

Since none of the rest of us knew each other it was sort of awkward, because obviously no one wanted to say anything and everyone was just trying to be polite. But you could tell that everyone was getting really frustrated.

So here’s my question: do I go back? If not, do I say something? It’s not the kind of thing where I could just disappear, but I could easily make up another excuse. I just think about how everyone is probably feeling the same way and if none of us say something then it’s kind of a shame...

[Anonymous]

Is there a leader of the group who helps to moderate it? If so, talk to that person. I'm sorry that this happened.

[Anonymous]

Go back and see if things improve. If she is still obnoxious have a talk with the group coordinator and ask if a "no interrupting" rule can be put in place. Any questions need to be asked AFTER a person has finished talking.

This is probably just this lady's version of social anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Is she currently in a depression? Sometimes the person really doesn’t understand what they are doing because they are so deeply drowning in their own misery. She probably can’t see outside of herself right now. I think it isn’t going to change and you are going to have to switch groups.

[Anonymous]

Talk to the moderator. And fingers crossed she doesn't come back.

[Anonymous]

Talk to the coordinator or simply say loudly “please stop interrupting - it’s really awful”

[Anonymous]

I agree to try to work through the moderator first. If that doesn't work -- if it is a free for all -- yes, I'd quit. Because you obviously are being more pulled down than lifted up by the session. Hopefully there are other support groups if this one doesn't work out.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I’ve gotten more confident as I’ve gotten older, or maybe I’m just bitter, but I would say something directly to her if she interrupted me. Something along the lines of “it makes me feel very disrespected and invalidated when you interrupt me, please stop”.

I know people want to be polite, but politeness is a two way street, it’s not a reason to let someone walk all over you.

[Anonymous]

Request that the moderator tell her to leave.

[Anonymous]

"Can you stop talking...please?"

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. I'd hate for you to miss out on the support this group offers. If you are feeling this, others are and likely so is your group leader/moderator.

I used to run a group therapy session for those with chronic depression and though we would curb behaviour like this when necessary/if it is negatively impacting group dynamics so that no one can learn, it really is the job of the overall group members to do so. We actually assessed their healing/self reflection and communication by documenting their ability to address/resolve group conflict in this way. So I'd encourage others to voice their opinion under the guise of formulating 'ground rules'. This is how addressing the issue starts. Most groups flow naturally and don't need this. But if there is a lack of respect that makes the environment feel unsafe for sharing, check in with the moderator and suggest others in the group do as well. Moderators should let the group flow but provide guidance. Trust me that if you are annoyed, the moderator is as well.

But when you have someone in the group who has a personality disorder (especially if it is undiagnosed/untreated) or is a know it all, a monopolizer, a one-downer (opposite of a one upper) or someone overexploring/questioning others you do need to make ground rules. We would suggest them to the group and let the group decide.

Typical examples: no interrupting. Waiting 30 seconds after a person has finished speaking to say anything. Providing supportive listening only/ no questions. Passing a talking stick. Sadly, sometimes even using a timer if you have a real grandstander. And having said this, we still had to boot a person or two out of various groups every year for lacking insight/ability to alter their behaviour. Usually we'd put them in a group with someone who did the same thing and they'd start to gain insight. Usually.

Some of the quotes from people who finally got tired of certain members and calmly stated this remain with me because they were so well worded and behind the scenes we were mentally high fiving their progress in being able to state their issue: "It would really help me if you would NEVER respond to anything I say, EVER, please. Can you do that?" "I never find your insight helpful. Your facial expressions are worse. You may be feeling the same way about me. Can we sit next to each other so we never have to even look at each other again? I will still make small talk with you and say 'good morning'" "I really have a problem with the way you laugh at inappropriate times. Can I try doing that with you to see if you feel the same?" "I think you think you are the professional here. You aren't. You are one of us. So stop talking so much" and one we quoted for years afterward there- said by one client to another when he stated after 2 months that the group did not help him at all "Sorry to hear that. Maybe if you had talked less and listened more like we all asked you to, you would be feeling as free as the rest of us"

So sorry, OP, hang in there. Sometimes we would make the call to break the group into smaller units for better effectiveness- that may also be an option.