Reply to Weird support group situation - would you drop out bc of an obnoxious person?

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm so sorry. I'd hate for you to miss out on the support this group offers. If you are feeling this, others are and likely so is your group leader/moderator.

I used to run a group therapy session for those with chronic depression and though we would curb behaviour like this when necessary/if it is negatively impacting group dynamics so that no one can learn, it really is the job of the overall group members to do so. We actually assessed their healing/self reflection and communication by documenting their ability to address/resolve group conflict in this way. So I'd encourage others to voice their opinion under the guise of formulating 'ground rules'. This is how addressing the issue starts. Most groups flow naturally and don't need this. But if there is a lack of respect that makes the environment feel unsafe for sharing, check in with the moderator and suggest others in the group do as well. Moderators should let the group flow but provide guidance. Trust me that if you are annoyed, the moderator is as well.

But when you have someone in the group who has a personality disorder (especially if it is undiagnosed/untreated) or is a know it all, a monopolizer, a one-downer (opposite of a one upper) or someone overexploring/questioning others you do need to make ground rules. We would suggest them to the group and let the group decide.

Typical examples: no interrupting. Waiting 30 seconds after a person has finished speaking to say anything. Providing supportive listening only/ no questions. Passing a talking stick. Sadly, sometimes even using a timer if you have a real grandstander. And having said this, we still had to boot a person or two out of various groups every year for lacking insight/ability to alter their behaviour. Usually we'd put them in a group with someone who did the same thing and they'd start to gain insight. Usually.

Some of the quotes from people who finally got tired of certain members and calmly stated this remain with me because they were so well worded and behind the scenes we were mentally high fiving their progress in being able to state their issue: "It would really help me if you would NEVER respond to anything I say, EVER, please. Can you do that?" "I never find your insight helpful. Your facial expressions are worse. You may be feeling the same way about me. Can we sit next to each other so we never have to even look at each other again? I will still make small talk with you and say 'good morning'" "I really have a problem with the way you laugh at inappropriate times. Can I try doing that with you to see if you feel the same?" "I think you think you are the professional here. You aren't. You are one of us. So stop talking so much" and one we quoted for years afterward there- said by one client to another when he stated after 2 months that the group did not help him at all "Sorry to hear that. Maybe if you had talked less and listened more like we all asked you to, you would be feeling as free as the rest of us"

So sorry, OP, hang in there. Sometimes we would make the call to break the group into smaller units for better effectiveness- that may also be an option.[/quote]

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