Do you agree the student should take the lead on going to college?

[Anonymous]

Our first child is in college and doing well despite a couple of learning disabilities for which he gets support. His younger sister is probably the smartest person in the family, but is not motivated in high school to do the traditional college planning his brother did. She could, and might well, start and run a business for a while. She has already written and sold software online at 16. The most common advice we get is to let her take the lead and not direct her too much in any direction.

I would like to know if you agree.

[Anonymous]

No. She needs a college degree. There are extraordinarily few people who do well without one.

Start with what SHE wants to do, and parlay that into something academic.

I have the same dynamic at home. Older son with LDs who is very academic and bent on college and grad school, and highly intelligent younger DD who is not academic. She will still go to college!

[Anonymous]

Agree. I think tell here that college is mandatory. If she has a great business idea, she should apply to college then take a gap year; during that gap year she can see how far she can get with a business idea, and if it takes off she can continue to work on it while in school.

[Anonymous]

Meant to add: obviously once she is 18 you can't force her to go to college... but you CAN tell her you consider college vital and that while you will support her financially if she goes to college, if she chooses not to go she will have to figure out how to pay for housing, food, transportation etc. on her won. You have the power of the purse.

[Anonymous]

Disagree with the above. Especially if she’s got computer engineering talent. Degrees are extremely overrated in that field and will have a lot more to do with her maintaining her class position than with her future income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disagree with the above. Especially if she’s got computer engineering talent. Degrees are extremely overrated in that field and will have a lot more to do with her maintaining her class position than with her future income.

There was a thread discussing this. The consensus was that programmers without a degree can be exploited and lose out in the end due to lacking degree.

OP is she saying she doesn't want to go to college? Or just being passive about the process? She may have executive functioning challenges that make planning and motivation problematic. You can help her with some of that, or get a college consultant who can help draw her out and explore the possibilities with her and keep her organized.

BTW I have heard UMBC is good for kids like this--bright but not as motivated as they could be. Good programs in STEM.

[Anonymous]

p.s. plus the whole college thing can be very overwhelming, causing kids to shut down.

[Anonymous]

Where are you getting your advice? Not good!

[Anonymous]

If she does not get a college degree, she will regret it for the rest of her life.

The majority of professional jobs, with the best employers, will be closed to her.

There are lots of data to support the value of a degree. While you can’t make your child do well in school, you can certainly encourage her to take the easier path in life (=getting a degree). Trying finding some exciting programs for young entrepreneurs and put them in front by of her in some engaging way (like via a fair or competition in front of potential investors). Some schools even have labs to sprout start ups. Do your homework, to help her see that college is not one-size-fits-all.

[Anonymous]

College admissions can be overwhelming, esp for someone who doesn’t know what they want. Ask her how you can help. I helped my kids come up with schools to visit. They just had no idea what was out there. Once on campus, they could tell me what they liked & didn’t like and I’d use that to find more places to visit. That’s just what worked best for us, I think each family approaches it differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disagree with the above. Especially if she’s got computer engineering talent. Degrees are extremely overrated in that field and will have a lot more to do with her maintaining her class position than with her future income.

You know nothing about it.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a prime candidate for a gap year or two. A

[Anonymous]

Is your kid a unicorn? The one true genius that doesn’t need a college degree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College admissions can be overwhelming, esp for someone who doesn’t know what they want. Ask her how you can help. I helped my kids come up with schools to visit. They just had no idea what was out there. Once on campus, they could tell me what they liked & didn’t like and I’d use that to find more places to visit. That’s just what worked best for us, I think each family approaches it differently.

+1

And you can do your part by considering the budget and whether that limits the search.

She is only 16! Most juniors haven't been on official tours yet. Try to squeeze one in this fall, with more for spring break. A whole lot may change between now and fall 2020.

In our house, the motivation is barely beginning to gel when it comes to connecting the need for turning in assignments with the importance of grades for college admissions. Even though they may have been aware of that logical connection for years, it might seem a million miles away for many kids that age.

We are making our junior go on a couple of visits. When asked what he might want to do, all answers are "I don't know." He hasn't really had exposure for himself even though he has seen an older sibling go away to college. It's a process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College admissions can be overwhelming, esp for someone who doesn’t know what they want. Ask her how you can help. I helped my kids come up with schools to visit. They just had no idea what was out there. Once on campus, they could tell me what they liked & didn’t like and I’d use that to find more places to visit. That’s just what worked best for us, I think each family approaches it differently.

+1

And you can do your part by considering the budget and whether that limits the search.

She is only 16! Most juniors haven't been on official tours yet. Try to squeeze one in this fall, with more for spring break. A whole lot may change between now and fall 2020.

In our house, the motivation is barely beginning to gel when it comes to connecting the need for turning in assignments with the importance of grades for college admissions. Even though they may have been aware of that logical connection for years, it might seem a million miles away for many kids that age.

We are making our junior go on a couple of visits. When asked what he might want to do, all answers are "I don't know." He hasn't really had exposure for himself even though he has seen an older sibling go away to college. It's a process.

+2. I have a HS junior who is the same way. We've already done some visits, schools that DH and I thought may be appealing to DS, and if you ask him what he thinks of each school, or what might be #1, #2, etc. on his list, he'll reply, "I dunno..." But I think as the year goes on and his friends start visiting schools (most haven't yet), they're taking SATs and ACTs, and more talk in general about colleges, he'll grow more interested. He's in a private HS and the counselors give a lot of individualized attention towards goals and choosing colleges, so he is going to be more involved down the line and hopefully more engaged!