i've become that mom
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I'm on a 5 day / 4 night trip (2 days for work, 3 days for a girls trip) and have left my 2 yo and 6mo at home with DH and his parents. They will be very doted on and well cared for. This is the longest I've been away since DS1 was born and the first time I've been gone for a night since DS2 arrived.
I know this is good for everyone and yet here I am on night #1 being that pathetic mom that just wishes I was home with my kids. What has happened to me?! I used to have an exciting adventurous life and so judge women like me! And i'm judging myself for feeling this way - its not healthy! So give me all the great reasons that this trip is a great thing for everyone! |
Anonymous
| You’re on the work trip part. You’ll feel better on the girls trip part. |
Anonymous
| I was the same way. The first time I went out with friends I was so anxious I didn’t have any fun. It gets better. Don’t let judging yourself make you feel worse. |
Anonymous
| You haven’t become that mom, you are a mom. A mom with young kids. It’s hard being away. I would look at what is underlying your feelings of judgment. Do you feel uncomfortable/ashamed about need and dependence? Saying this without any judgment myself, motherhood is an emotional journey and it’s ok that you are learning new things about yourself. |
Anonymous
Why is it "good for everyone" for a 6 month old to be away from his mother for several days? |
Anonymous
Not OP, but I am guessing that it’s good for dad to have some time on his own with the kids, good for grandparents to come out, good for OP to see her girlfriends, good for kids to be sited on for a few days, etc. |
Anonymous
| ^^doted on for a few days |
Anonymous
Sanity break. Everyone’s entitled to one. Kid will be fine, well-cared for. |
Anonymous
Yep exactly. When I'm home, the kids want me and I run the show which is good in lots of ways (they feel secure with me) but also bad in ways - my husband and toddler end up in negative interactions b/c toddler wants mommy to do xyz, husband isn't ever in charge so he hasn't had the chance to build his own skills as much with managing both, grandparents feel supervised with their grandkids simply b/c i'm around and now have space to be their nutty over the top grandparenting selves, everyone (including me) needs to be a bit more flexible and this is a good forcing mechanism for it. |
Anonymous
I agree that you're not "that" mom, just a mom to young kids. It's really normal and I think we can all take it as a lesson to be kinder in our own judgement of others before we're in their shoes (I was the same way pre-baby). It would be easier on all of us if we didn't feel like we were "that" mom for finding it a little hard to be away from our kids. One thing I realized on my first short girls trip away was that those types of trips would never be quite the same. Fun and important to do for myself sometimes - yes! But the same, no. At least not when my kids are really young, I anticipate that might change when they are more independent. For now a part of me is always stuck at home in my head 
|
Anonymous
|
9:01 here and just saw you asked for all the reasons this trip is good for everyone. I disagree that it's "not healthy" to feel like this - be kind to yourself! We all need a little more grace, I feel like this comes from this place of nothing we ever do is enough - even going away if we don't feel badly for being away, guilt. If we do feel badly for being away, guilt. Your feelings are totally normal and healthy.
Anyway - reasons it is good. Like other pps said - great time with grandparents to bond, time for Dad to be the primary caregiver on his own, time for you to maintain your friendships which is important! Time for you to focus on yourself and to be reminded of how much you love being around your kids too, happy to see them when you get back and maybe take some of the drudgery out of the next couple weeks of parenting. |
Anonymous
| Good lord, why so much self- and other-judgement? You feel whatever you feel. It's all legitimate. It's OK to miss your family. It's OK to enjoy other things in life. It's OK for these to sometimes result in complicated emotions. Maybe you're tired or jet lagged. Get some rest. Tomorrow is a new day. |
Anonymous
+1 I was the same. The work trips aren't as fun as they used to be because I do miss being at home. But I love taking girls' trips and that generally outweighs the desire to be at home. So get through the work part and then relax and have fun with your friends! |
Anonymous
|
I was the same when my kids were little. A weekend away left me stressed, and then I was annoyed at myself for not being able to fully unwind.
Kids are 9 and 11 now and I can’t wait for weekends away! Love my kiddos, I promise, but knowing they are capable of understanding that I’m coming back and knowing they love grandma time makes it easier than when they were little and pre-verbal |
Anonymous
| You feel like that because you are away from your infant. It’s completely normal not to feel good about that. It’s how the species survives. |