Divorce threats

[Anonymous]

What do you think of people who make multiple divorce threats in a marriage?

Starting early in the marriage... for no good reason. I said early on if divorce threats continued, I would be out. Marriage was bad anyway. The last divorce right that happened I said, “yes, we need a divorce” and he was actually surprised.

I’m just wondering how common that is for people who make multiple divorce threats to be surprised when the other person eventually says “OK, let’s get a divorce.”

Do some people just stay in the marriage despite multiple the best divorce threats no matter what?

[Anonymous]

My Ex-DH tried to.

[Anonymous]

Immature way to shut down a convo, usually when guilty and not wanting to take responsibility for something.

Or totally ahole.

[Anonymous]

So, are you getting divorced? Or were you only bluffing when you called his bluff?

The first time the word "divorce" came out of my ex's mouth, I consulted lawyers and got my ducks in a row. Took a while to play out, but I was ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, are you getting divorced? Or were you only bluffing when you called his bluff?

The first time the word "divorce" came out of my ex's mouth, I consulted lawyers and got my ducks in a row. Took a while to play out, but I was ready.

We are getting a divorce. First threat was in the first six months of marriage. The last was 18 months ago. There were threats in between. I said it twice but I meant it...he did not want to divorce. Now he has accepted it. But it was mind boggling that the last threat was “I will never say it again, let’s work it out” after it happening like clockwork every two years. Before the last threat, I made him promise to never do it again or it would be done. He promised but did it again so promising again meant nothing.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to speak for everyone, but I personally wouldn't throw that out unless I had truly considered it an option. So therefore, it would really scare me if my partner threw it out because I'd assume that meant they had considered it, and that really sucks.

[Anonymous]

I received several hundred threats of divorce over the course of a 20 year marriage. Now I am healthier, and would never accept even one threat like that in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, are you getting divorced? Or were you only bluffing when you called his bluff?

The first time the word "divorce" came out of my ex's mouth, I consulted lawyers and got my ducks in a row. Took a while to play out, but I was ready.

We are getting a divorce. First threat was in the first six months of marriage. The last was 18 months ago. There were threats in between. I said it twice but I meant it...he did not want to divorce. Now he has accepted it. But it was mind boggling that the last threat was “I will never say it again, let’s work it out” after it happening like clockwork every two years. Before the last threat, I made him promise to never do it again or it would be done. He promised but did it again so promising again meant nothing.

How long were you married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you think of people who make multiple divorce threats in a marriage?

Starting early in the marriage... for no good reason. I said early on if divorce threats continued, I would be out. Marriage was bad anyway. The last divorce right that happened I said, “yes, we need a divorce” and he was actually surprised.

I’m just wondering how common that is for people who make multiple divorce threats to be surprised when the other person eventually says “OK, let’s get a divorce.”

Do some people just stay in the marriage despite multiple the best divorce threats no matter what?

This is ironically funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, are you getting divorced? Or were you only bluffing when you called his bluff?

The first time the word "divorce" came out of my ex's mouth, I consulted lawyers and got my ducks in a row. Took a while to play out, but I was ready.

We are getting a divorce. First threat was in the first six months of marriage. The last was 18 months ago. There were threats in between. I said it twice but I meant it...he did not want to divorce. Now he has accepted it. But it was mind boggling that the last threat was “I will never say it again, let’s work it out” after it happening like clockwork every two years. Before the last threat, I made him promise to never do it again or it would be done. He promised but did it again so promising again meant nothing.

How long were you married?

Still married but moving forward with divorce. 10 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you think of people who make multiple divorce threats in a marriage?

Starting early in the marriage... for no good reason. I said early on if divorce threats continued, I would be out. Marriage was bad anyway. The last divorce right that happened I said, “yes, we need a divorce” and he was actually surprised.

I’m just wondering how common that is for people who make multiple divorce threats to be surprised when the other person eventually says “OK, let’s get a divorce.”

Do some people just stay in the marriage despite multiple the best divorce threats no matter what?

This is ironically funny.

Why is it funny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to speak for everyone, but I personally wouldn't throw that out unless I had truly considered it an option. So therefore, it would really scare me if my partner threw it out because I'd assume that meant they had considered it, and that really sucks.

I was thinking the same thing.
I would take a look at myself and try to figure out what I was doing that was pushing him to the nuclear reaction.

Threatening hundreds of times is one thing. That’s on him.
But threatening every two years probably means that I am doing something deeply upsetting to him, and I need to figure out what that is.

[Anonymous]

Alternatively, he and you both could learn to communicate like mature adults, work as a team, and resolve conflicts- large and small.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I have been married 33 years and we have had plenty of arguments, but the "divorce" word has never come up. You need a new vocabulary word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to speak for everyone, but I personally wouldn't throw that out unless I had truly considered it an option. So therefore, it would really scare me if my partner threw it out because I'd assume that meant they had considered it, and that really sucks.

I was thinking the same thing.
I would take a look at myself and try to figure out what I was doing that was pushing him to the nuclear reaction.

Threatening hundreds of times is one thing. That’s on him.
But threatening every two years probably means that I am doing something deeply upsetting to him, and I need to figure out what that is.

No. Just no. Please do not blame the victim. Threats of divorce repeatedly in a marriage are not normal. They are a form of emotional abuse and, probably, are being accompanied by other kinds of emotional abuse.

There is no reason for an adult human being to subject him/herself to this kind of emotional terrorism. It is designed to keep the victim unstable and "in line". To teach them to walk on eggshells and constantly be monitoring their own behavior for fear of "upsetting" the spouse. This kind of emotional control is a part of domestic abuse. Emotional abuse often progresses to physical abuse. I wish someone had told me that -- before my now Ex threatened to beat the crap out of me, he softened engaged in emotional abuse that was designed to make me think that *I* was responsible for his anger. But, as adults, we are each responsible for our own behavior.