DH isn't supportive of a diet I'm on for health reasons

[Anonymous]

I have two autoimmune diseases and am on some pretty serious medications for one of them. I've still been experiencing symptoms even with the serious medications. I've heard of a specific diet (think AIP, but a bit different) that may help. I've put it off for a while, but am really sick of being sick so I decided to start the diet.

DH is not being supportive of it at all. I'm not asking him to eat that way, but I have to be more careful at restaurants etc. We've always had different food preferences, so we've always made mostly separate meals and some components overlap. So it's not like I've always cooked for him and now I'm refusing to do it. It doesn't impact him in that way, but he continues to make comments in a tone that shows he thinks it's a dumb idea and tells me he can't wait until I decide to stop the diet. It's only been about 2 weeks so far and I need to give it a little bit more time to see if I feel any difference. I won't lie--I'd also love to lose some weight if possible considering I gained weight due to side effects of medication. But mostly I want to reduce my symptoms.

I really wish DH would be more supportive. My goal is to be able to live a relatively symptom free life to be able to be the best mom, wife and person I can be. My symptoms are getting in the way of that and this is not how I want to live my life.

I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place--I would love to be able to reduce my work hours in order to preserve some of my energy and reduce my stress level, but DH won't support that either. So since I have very little flexibility on that front I have to do what I can for myself. This diet, if it works, is one of those things. It requires sacrifice on my part, not DH's. I'm not telling him he can't eat whatever he wants to eat. Honestly, I'm getting pissed off.

Why do you think he would choose to be unsupportive of my diet change?

[Anonymous]

Did a doctor tell you to go on this diet, or did you read about it somewhere on your own?

[Anonymous]

Maybe if you weren’t so picky before.....

[Anonymous]

Who knows? How about being an adult and talking with him?

“Fred, I’ve decided to try a specific diet to help with the symptoms of my autoimmune issues. Yet in the past 2 weeks, I’ve heard negative comments from you that are not supportive. For example, you said (give example) and then (give another example). What’s going on? Why can’t you support me in this?”

Then listen to him. Paraphrase back so you make sure you understand what he’s saying.

None of us here know what his thinking is. Only he can share that.

[Anonymous]

People on diets are annoying. Fact. No one wants to hear about them and no one wants to be affected by them. I am on a diet myself (I’m doing Noom and doing very well) but I don’t talk about it and I don’t let it interfere with anything. So what if we go to a restaurant? I don’t complain that everything is in my bad category. I pick something that is the healthiest for me that I can. I don’t bitch about the diet. I don’t even bring it up. I simply order. The end. It doesn’t matter the reason for your diet. Other people don’t care, don’t want to hear it, and don’t want to be affected.

[Anonymous]

It's probably inadvertently holding a mirror up to his own choices, and no one likes to be reminded that they're maybe not making the healthiest choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People on diets are annoying. Fact. No one wants to hear about them and no one wants to be affected by them. I am on a diet myself (I’m doing Noom and doing very well) but I don’t talk about it and I don’t let it interfere with anything. So what if we go to a restaurant? I don’t complain that everything is in my bad category. I pick something that is the healthiest for me that I can. I don’t bitch about the diet. I don’t even bring it up. I simply order. The end. It doesn’t matter the reason for your diet. Other people don’t care, don’t want to hear it, and don’t want to be affected.

This

[Anonymous]

Are you talking about it constantly? "Oh, I'd love to eat that but I can't because of x diet" etc? If so, tone it done as it's probably annoying.
Autoimmune diseases, like all chronic diseases, suck. I have one, my sister has one, my mother has about 5 and she has reached the stage of being quite sick on a periodic basis. But there is still a limit to how much anyone wants to hear the same things over and over.

If you aren't talking about it constantly, then tell him you'd like him to keep his comments to himself. If this is something you're doing for you, and doesn't require his involvement, then do you really need his support anyway? I mean what would that look like, so long as he isn't interfering or buying food he knows you can't resist and that aren't on the diet? Tell him this is how you're eating and if he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you talking about it constantly? "Oh, I'd love to eat that but I can't because of x diet" etc? If so, tone it done as it's probably annoying.
Autoimmune diseases, like all chronic diseases, suck. I have one, my sister has one, my mother has about 5 and she has reached the stage of being quite sick on a periodic basis. But there is still a limit to how much anyone wants to hear the same things over and over.

If you aren't talking about it constantly, then tell him you'd like him to keep his comments to himself. If this is something you're doing for you, and doesn't require his involvement, then do you really need his support anyway? I mean what would that look like, so long as he isn't interfering or buying food he knows you can't resist and that aren't on the diet? Tell him this is how you're eating and if he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to talk about it.

I am not talking about it. He keeps bringing it up, though. It will be things like "Mmmm this ice cream is delicious. Too bad you can't have any because of your new diet.", or "I can't wait until you stop with this stupid diet and go back to eating normal food." I'm not making it a problem for him by talking about it all the time. I just go about my business eating the food I can eat. It's not actually all that different than what I had been eating before---but I've cut a few things out and have added in some new foods. It's not like I made a 180 in terms of what I eat. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on diets are annoying. Fact. No one wants to hear about them and no one wants to be affected by them. I am on a diet myself (I’m doing Noom and doing very well) but I don’t talk about it and I don’t let it interfere with anything. So what if we go to a restaurant? I don’t complain that everything is in my bad category. I pick something that is the healthiest for me that I can. I don’t bitch about the diet. I don’t even bring it up. I simply order. The end. It doesn’t matter the reason for your diet. Other people don’t care, don’t want to hear it, and don’t want to be affected.

This

I think this is generally true but should not apply when it is your spouse and you're doing it for health reasons. I expect my husband to care about me way more than everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you talking about it constantly? "Oh, I'd love to eat that but I can't because of x diet" etc? If so, tone it done as it's probably annoying.
Autoimmune diseases, like all chronic diseases, suck. I have one, my sister has one, my mother has about 5 and she has reached the stage of being quite sick on a periodic basis. But there is still a limit to how much anyone wants to hear the same things over and over.

If you aren't talking about it constantly, then tell him you'd like him to keep his comments to himself. If this is something you're doing for you, and doesn't require his involvement, then do you really need his support anyway? I mean what would that look like, so long as he isn't interfering or buying food he knows you can't resist and that aren't on the diet? Tell him this is how you're eating and if he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to talk about it.

I am not talking about it. He keeps bringing it up, though. It will be things like "Mmmm this ice cream is delicious. Too bad you can't have any because of your new diet.", or "I can't wait until you stop with this stupid diet and go back to eating normal food." I'm not making it a problem for him by talking about it all the time. I just go about my business eating the food I can eat. It's not actually all that different than what I had been eating before---but I've cut a few things out and have added in some new foods. It's not like I made a 180 in terms of what I eat. -OP

He sounds like a d OP and I'd tell him that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you talking about it constantly? "Oh, I'd love to eat that but I can't because of x diet" etc? If so, tone it done as it's probably annoying.
Autoimmune diseases, like all chronic diseases, suck. I have one, my sister has one, my mother has about 5 and she has reached the stage of being quite sick on a periodic basis. But there is still a limit to how much anyone wants to hear the same things over and over.

If you aren't talking about it constantly, then tell him you'd like him to keep his comments to himself. If this is something you're doing for you, and doesn't require his involvement, then do you really need his support anyway? I mean what would that look like, so long as he isn't interfering or buying food he knows you can't resist and that aren't on the diet? Tell him this is how you're eating and if he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to talk about it.

I am not talking about it. He keeps bringing it up, though. It will be things like "Mmmm this ice cream is delicious. Too bad you can't have any because of your new diet.", or "I can't wait until you stop with this stupid diet and go back to eating normal food." I'm not making it a problem for him by talking about it all the time. I just go about my business eating the food I can eat. It's not actually all that different than what I had been eating before---but I've cut a few things out and have added in some new foods. It's not like I made a 180 in terms of what I eat. -OP

So you married an ass.
I’d call that $hit out right quick. “Are you okay? I’m asking because you’re being a straight-up ass with your comments. It’s like you intentionally want me to fail. Is that it? Are you that petty?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's probably inadvertently holding a mirror up to his own choices, and no one likes to be reminded that they're maybe not making the healthiest choices.

This, for sure. My husband rolls his eyes and makes comments when I fix everyone a huge weekend breakfast (that I want to enjoy SO much) and then I have to eat egg whites and non-buttered toast and fruit because of high blood pressure and cholesterol. I don’t say a word, I don’t make anyone else alter their diet. I don’t like doing it either and it’s so much worse when the person who should be lifting you up chooses instead to mock you or derail your hard work. Stay the course and hopefully the benefits of feeling better will outweigh your husband’s bad attitude. Also, ignore him and he’ll eventually get tired of poking at you because it won’t get a reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on diets are annoying. Fact. No one wants to hear about them and no one wants to be affected by them. I am on a diet myself (I’m doing Noom and doing very well) but I don’t talk about it and I don’t let it interfere with anything. So what if we go to a restaurant? I don’t complain that everything is in my bad category. I pick something that is the healthiest for me that I can. I don’t bitch about the diet. I don’t even bring it up. I simply order. The end. It doesn’t matter the reason for your diet. Other people don’t care, don’t want to hear it, and don’t want to be affected.

This

Yep. Nobody - NOBODY - wants to hear about your diet (or your exercise, or bowel movements, or health issues). Not even your spouse. Maybe your mom does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on diets are annoying. Fact. No one wants to hear about them and no one wants to be affected by them. I am on a diet myself (I’m doing Noom and doing very well) but I don’t talk about it and I don’t let it interfere with anything. So what if we go to a restaurant? I don’t complain that everything is in my bad category. I pick something that is the healthiest for me that I can. I don’t bitch about the diet. I don’t even bring it up. I simply order. The end. It doesn’t matter the reason for your diet. Other people don’t care, don’t want to hear it, and don’t want to be affected.

This

Yep. Nobody - NOBODY - wants to hear about your diet (or your exercise, or bowel movements, or health issues). Not even your spouse. Maybe your mom does.

Yeah, and NOBODY wants to hear from posters who can’t bother to read posts from OP where she’s clearly stated that she’s not talking about her diet, not even to her spouse.