DH isn't supportive of a diet I'm on for health reasons

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you talking about it constantly? "Oh, I'd love to eat that but I can't because of x diet" etc? If so, tone it done as it's probably annoying.
Autoimmune diseases, like all chronic diseases, suck. I have one, my sister has one, my mother has about 5 and she has reached the stage of being quite sick on a periodic basis. But there is still a limit to how much anyone wants to hear the same things over and over.

If you aren't talking about it constantly, then tell him you'd like him to keep his comments to himself. If this is something you're doing for you, and doesn't require his involvement, then do you really need his support anyway? I mean what would that look like, so long as he isn't interfering or buying food he knows you can't resist and that aren't on the diet? Tell him this is how you're eating and if he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to talk about it.

I am not talking about it. He keeps bringing it up, though. It will be things like "Mmmm this ice cream is delicious. Too bad you can't have any because of your new diet.", or "I can't wait until you stop with this stupid diet and go back to eating normal food." I'm not making it a problem for him by talking about it all the time. I just go about my business eating the food I can eat. It's not actually all that different than what I had been eating before---but I've cut a few things out and have added in some new foods. It's not like I made a 180 in terms of what I eat. -OP

He's being a jerk, then. Call him out on it. It doesn't matter if the diet is for health reasons for any other reason. Teasing someone about food they're not eating is a dick move.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds like a real piece of work. Between the snide comments about your diet and the not supporting you in wanting to work part time because of your health condition, it seems like he likes or is comfortable with you being sick. If so that’s f’d up. I would think hard about your dynamic and maybe seek counseling (alone).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you talking about it constantly? "Oh, I'd love to eat that but I can't because of x diet" etc? If so, tone it done as it's probably annoying.
Autoimmune diseases, like all chronic diseases, suck. I have one, my sister has one, my mother has about 5 and she has reached the stage of being quite sick on a periodic basis. But there is still a limit to how much anyone wants to hear the same things over and over.

If you aren't talking about it constantly, then tell him you'd like him to keep his comments to himself. If this is something you're doing for you, and doesn't require his involvement, then do you really need his support anyway? I mean what would that look like, so long as he isn't interfering or buying food he knows you can't resist and that aren't on the diet? Tell him this is how you're eating and if he doesn't like it, he doesn't have to talk about it.

I am not talking about it. He keeps bringing it up, though. It will be things like "Mmmm this ice cream is delicious. Too bad you can't have any because of your new diet.", or "I can't wait until you stop with this stupid diet and go back to eating normal food." I'm not making it a problem for him by talking about it all the time. I just go about my business eating the food I can eat. It's not actually all that different than what I had been eating before---but I've cut a few things out and have added in some new foods. It's not like I made a 180 in terms of what I eat. -OP

Google the "boring baroque response." You should just find ways to respond that sound like agreement in order to take any "fun" he's having with baiting or bother you about the diet.

Him: Gee, this ice cream sure is delicious.
You: Yes. That ice cream looks delicious. It reminds me of a time when I was 4 and my dad took me to the ice cream truck...or was it a store...I am not sure. I had chocolate ice cream and dad had coffee...no, wait. He hated coffee ice cream. He had chocolate ice cream, too.

Just bore him every time.

Eventually, he will stop.

[Anonymous]

This should help you.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/defining-memories/201908/verbal-self-defense

[Anonymous]

He sounds awful. Autoimmune disorders absolutely require an anti inflammatory diet. Anyone who sits around eating garbage and making fun of you is to be avoided.

[Anonymous]

OP, it is not a requirement that your husband be "supportive" but you should insist that he not be rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds awful. Autoimmune disorders absolutely require an anti inflammatory diet. Anyone who sits around eating garbage and making fun of you is to be avoided.

The question you should be asking isn’t why he isn’t supportive. It should be why you’re putting up with being treated like this from your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is not a requirement that your husband be "supportive" but you should insist that he not be rude.

It can absolutely be a requirement of one’s marriage that one’s spouse be supportive. What’s the point of marriage otherwise? This would be borderline dealbreaker for me.

[Anonymous]

Yes, your DH should support you. Are you drama queen or invalid princess and he feels his whole life is defined by how you feel today? Still, no excuse. Did you get medical advice to start this diet? If the meds aren’t working, why aren’t you addressing that issue? My DD has an autoimmune disease and her meds worked miracles, but are only effective in less than 40% of patients due to genetics. If your meds aren’t working, you may need a new approach and the diet may just be a diversion. Btw, my DD was close to starving to death and was on a liquid diet. Almost all raw veggies and quite a few cooked ones are permanently banned for her, but it’s not hard to live with and I can’t imagine waving a carrot under her nose and flaunting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, your DH should support you. Are you drama queen or invalid princess and he feels his whole life is defined by how you feel today? Still, no excuse. Did you get medical advice to start this diet? If the meds aren’t working, why aren’t you addressing that issue? My DD has an autoimmune disease and her meds worked miracles, but are only effective in less than 40% of patients due to genetics. If your meds aren’t working, you may need a new approach and the diet may just be a diversion. Btw, my DD was close to starving to death and was on a liquid diet. Almost all raw veggies and quite a few cooked ones are permanently banned for her, but it’s not hard to live with and I can’t imagine waving a carrot under her nose and flaunting it.

OP here. One of my autoimmune diseases is Crohn’s. I already am on Remicade, which helps by keeping me off of the toilet 15 times a day and not losing more blood than anyone should ever lose, but I still have fatigue, joint pain and brain fog. The only other med that can be added is methotrexate which I’m not looking to start unless absolutely necessary. Since the Remicade is great with reducing the gastro symptoms, my doctor doesn’t want to abandon it to try a new drug because I could develop antibodies and then it won’t be an option ever again.

My doctor supports me trying this diet to see if it will help avoid adding the methotrexate. I’m not a drama queen or invalid princess. I do listen to my body and slow down and rest when I feel like it’s needed. I worked full time in a physically demanding job through the flare that got me diagnosed because I didn’t want to be considered a drama queen, but I didn’t realize how legitimately sick I was. Now I realize I should have never done that and never want to be back in that place.

[Anonymous]

Good luck OP. Diet (paleo in our case) has done great things for our family. Your husband is an ass. Probably worried you'll leave him when you get your health back. Sounds like you should think about it!

[Anonymous]

Holy cow, you dealing with crohns! Your dh is a horrible horrible person! No seriously, he is a bad person. Please consider leaving him if you don't have kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's probably inadvertently holding a mirror up to his own choices, and no one likes to be reminded that they're maybe not making the healthiest choices.

This, for sure. My husband rolls his eyes and makes comments when I fix everyone a huge weekend breakfast (that I want to enjoy SO much) and then I have to eat egg whites and non-buttered toast and fruit because of high blood pressure and cholesterol. I don’t say a word, I don’t make anyone else alter their diet. I don’t like doing it either and it’s so much worse when the person who should be lifting you up chooses instead to mock you or derail your hard work. Stay the course and hopefully the benefits of feeling better will outweigh your husband’s bad attitude. Also, ignore him and he’ll eventually get tired of poking at you because it won’t get a reaction.

This. For some reason many people like to make fun and be hateful to others who are different or need to eat or do things differently. Even if it only marginally affects them.

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe he can go to the gastro with you and learn more about Crohns. But I'm so sorry. I can't imagine my husband rubbing it in my face that I was unable to eat things because of a serious chronic illness. There's something defective about your husband, at least in this arena, and you guys need to talk about it, not in terms of food but in terms of why he is doing this and what's behind it.