How to feel calmer around bedtime?

[Anonymous]

I have two kids, 3 and 6. I love them to pieces of course. I work but am mostly home with them during the day. By the end of the day, they are less compliant, or perhaps I’m just less tolerant, and I just find myself feeling that blood boil when things don’t go smoothly. It’s like cortisol overload, but I don’t know why this is surprising to my body chemistry—every night, there’s always someone pulling some s**t that I don’t like, and I manage it. But then if I get a second alone, I’ll do a silent scream to let off some of the steam, and it’s just a very uncomfortable, pent-up road rage type feeling. I hold it in with the kids, but it is so hard and I want to find a way to just not feel it at all.

[Anonymous]

Can you go for a walk with the kids before bed and after dinner?

Are you a single mom?

I’m sorry OP, I struggle with rage also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you go for a walk with the kids before bed and after dinner?

Are you a single mom?

I’m sorry OP, I struggle with rage also.

I could...I suppose part of my issue is I like to stick to a schedule, and the later it gets, the harder it is to get back on track. Sometimes it’s hard to get them out the door, so trying to do that might just generate more frustration, though I would LOVE an after dinner walk if we had time. Not single, but DH often home after or in midst of their bedtime routine.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard. I lose it sometimes but this is what works for me. I have more patience when I have slept the night before and took time for myself during the day (a walk, trip to coffee shop, if home with kids I read a book with a cup of tea or coffee during nap etc). Put drops of lavender oil in their bath or shower and make it a “thing” and then have everyone take three deep breaths. You too. Instead of going in the pantry or whatever, go outside barefoot and stand in the grass for a minute. Breathe. Sit down with them when they are eating. Don’t multi task. Make sure you have chat time baked into your routine. The worst nights feel ok when I spend a few minutes, my daughter’s hands on my cheeks, answering questions like “do birds have tongues?” We don’t have time for a walk either but planning for a physical activity helps to get energy out before bath. It’s counterintuitive because bedtime is calming but energy has to go somewhere. When everyone is down I take a shower or go outside if I’m really riled up and treat it as a time to breathe and be still. Then I sit. Sometimes I tell my husband I’ll be back in a bit and go on a walk alone. And usually have a glass of wine

They won’t be little forever... good luck!

[Anonymous]

start earlier

[Anonymous]

Me too. For me it’s fatigue, not enough support from partner, long day/short evening.

[Anonymous]

Are they overtired? Could you get them too bed earlier? My 3yo still has a 7pm bedtime and it works for her (and us).

[Anonymous]

Adjust your expectations. Cut corners. Remind yourself the will soon be young adults and this time will be your sweetest life memory. Pause for a second to look at them and appreciate what great little people they really are. Come up with a fun way to speed things up (team kids v team mom race the timer to complete tasks (don't pit them against one another)), etc.

[Anonymous]

PP here, who also struggles with rage.

Can you be more specific? Like, what happens from 6-8pm? can you give examples?

My husband travels a lot and I am home with my 4 and 2.5 year old. I can give some tips but need some specifics from you!

[Anonymous]

Music has helped us. One kid has a white noise machine, the other has a soothing music CD. I also sing to them both and scratch or rub their backs before I leave their rooms.

Bigger picture: What do you have in your life that's restorative to you? And how much sleep are you getting?

[Anonymous]

Screw the schedule. You need a routine (we do A then b then C), but the schedule is just a source of stress and feeling like you are running after a moving train. I let it go and bedtime is calmer (and oddly more likely to happen on time!)

[Anonymous]

Bedtime can be super frustrating. What kind of stuff do they pull? What part of the routine do they like? Mine like to play in the tub, so I say if we get through the bath business quickly (washing hair/bodies) then they can play. Sometimes it's a race - I say I have to go to the bathroom, will they have PJs on before I get back? Winner picks the books, or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Zoloft or similar. Takes the edge off rage. Very low dosage.

[Anonymous]

Same girl, same.

[Anonymous]

Something that helps me a lot is listening to music the entire time we go through the routine. It helps drown down the whininess somewhat and then it's also fun. The kids sing along to the songs ("Disney hits" is a favorite with my toddlers). Then I also can focus on the music. It just takes the edge off.

Gummy vitamins are also a huge hit with my toddlers.

One night a week when it's been a super stressful day, I get subs on the way home (Harris Teeter's are amazing!). I plop the kids in the wagon, hand them a sub and a water and then we walk to the playground. No whining over dinner, no making mess at home and they are thrilled. Walking also helps me get my own tension out. We come home and they're exhausted and we just bathe, read and go to bed.