young children visiting grandparent with dementia
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
My grandparents are in their 80s and not in good health: grandmother has dementia and they both have various other issues. They live in South Florida and I've been wanting to bring my kids to visit them, but for various reasons haven't made it happen yet. I was initially planning to take the family down this fall, but I'm expecting our third child and am not sure if we will be able to squeeze the visit in before I get too uncomfortable to want to travel.
My primary concern is giving the kids (ages 5 and 3) a chance to see their great-grandmother again before she really starts to decline. Right now, she seems to be mostly stable--repetitive but otherwise lucid--however, some other relatives have indicated that she's gotten to a point where her "filter" is off and so she'll sometimes use profanity or even racial slurs that were previously unheard of for her. I suppose there's no way to predict how quickly she will continue to decline, so I'm just hoping that whether we go this fall or once baby #3 is old enough to travel that she will be well enough to enjoy the visit and it won't be upsetting for the kids. For those who have dealt with dementia, do you have any advice on how to handle a visit with young children? Assuming that my grandmother hasn't declined too much, I don't think the kids will necessarily notice anything off, as they've only met her a few times that they can remember. However, I don't really know what to expect. |
Anonymous
| You just talk to them and let them know grandma's mind is not good and she may say things not appropriate. The 5 year old will understand. Or, just go yourself. We took ours regularly from 3-8 and it was fine. They understood. |
Anonymous
| Oh, bring toys, tablets and other things to distract them. |
Anonymous
| Kids sense vulnerability. Chances are the interaction will be just fine, maybe a little odd to witness, but fine. Don't build-it-up, the event of seeing the Grandparents. You want everyone to be relaxed. |
Anonymous
+1. You can always have a side conversation with your kids if grandma says something inappropriate. I wouldn’t lead off that way though - wait til it happens. |
Anonymous
| Tomorrow we are visiting great grandma Larla. She is so excited to see you. Did you know she is 90 years old! Sometimes people that have lived for a very long time forget things...because they know and have done so much. But that does not matter we are happy to visit her. We area bringing cookies and the pictures you made for her. |
Anonymous
| I have a 5 and 3yr old and my mom has dementia. In addition to what others have said, come prepared... I bring chalk, bubbles, tons of $1 crafts, coloring books, board games etc. So there's a greater chance for them to interact positively. My mom has horrible delusions and whatnot, but seeing the kids brings out the best in her. |
Anonymous
|
The Remember Balloons is a great picture book to help kids understand about dementia:
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/34791187 My son visited my mom with dementia often before she died. I just kept it simple. “sometimes when we get old, parts of our bodies don’t work as well. Grandma’a brain doesn’t work as well as it used to. Sometimes her brain makes her say things she doesn’t mean or words she wouldn’t normally say. We love her and we know her brain is very sick.” |
Anonymous
+1 This is what to do/say. |
Anonymous
| Dementia can present differently at different times so be prepared for the condition to change, but you should absolutely visit. My kids saw my FIL as he died of dementia and he had some rather scary behaviors that didn't phase them. The visit should be fine, but just remember one key to dealing with a dementia patient is to never try to correct or criticize them. Not sure where you're staying but I'd recommend not staying the same house as your grandmother. |
Anonymous
| My father in law has advanced parkinson's and dementia Sometimes he seems fine but mostly he doesn't talk or just repeats himself. I have a six year old and we explain that he has disease in his brain, like a disease in any part of his body. She seems to understand this. We also explain that even if he doest know whats going on sometime, WE KNOW and thats what matter and when his memory is gone we will remember for him. She seems to get this. |
Anonymous
| Just go and muddle through as best you can. |
Anonymous
| In some ways, it’s worse when your kids are older - let elementary. Also depends on the kids’ personalities. One of mine was mortified and felt embarrassed to have a grandparent who behaved this way; the other one’s reactions ranged from oblivious to finding it amusing. Depends on the kid, really. |
Anonymous
| I took my kids to see MIL with dementia regularly from a young age. I second bringing crayons, books and a tablet. MIL didn't always understand (and the tablet was new every visit) but she liked looking at the videos the kids were interested in and listening to her favorite songs. She also loved drawing with them. Also, I'd say plan for short visits, the first time stay only a half hour to an hour. My MIL got tired but couldn't always articulate that she was ready for us to leave. Best times were just after breakfast (9 or 10 am) or 4ish. She usually napped after lunch. |
Anonymous
| OP, bring lots of pictures, particularly older ones. Dementia patients often have much better long term than short term memory and enjoy looking at old pictures with our family. Also avoid visiting after 4pm if you can. Many suffer the "sun downing" effect and their memory and irritability get worse in the evening - our memory care unit confirmed this |