MIL keeps commenting on my weight gain, bump size, what I’m eating...

[Anonymous]

We’re on vacation with my in-laws and I’m pregnant with my third. I’m having a very hard pregnancy and have SPD so I’m struggling with pelvic pain and general discomfort, and I feel huge. I’ve been through this enough to know it’s temporary, and not to stress about the weight gain, or my size, or stupid comments from strangers about my body, but I’m really struggling with my MILs comments about how she cannot believe I have almost three months left I’m SO huge, and I look like I’ve gained more weight than I did with my others, and the doctors must be concerned about baby’s size because I’m so big, etc.

Not that it matters, but I’m normally pretty lean and athletic, and I’ve gained no more weight than I had at this point with my other two (and with both it totaled 30-35 lbs), and I had no problem losing the weight within a year with both those pregnancies.

How do I deal with the comments??? I feel so objectified and evaluated and it’s hard enough to FEEL huge and uncomfortable, I don’t need someone expressing concern or gawking at my size.

:’(

[Anonymous]

Depending on your relationship with her, maybe you can be honest and say "yea it's been a hard pregnancy physically, and people have also commented on my size and that hurts my feelings too." Religion always works with my MIL, so I'd throw in a "Please pray for me and the baby."

[Anonymous]

MILs gonna MIL.

[Anonymous]

"Susan, I have heard your concerns, but everything is fine according to our doctor. Please stop commenting about my body. Now, who wants to watch Ninja Warrior!"

[Anonymous]

“Karen, I know you mean well. But I feel so objectified and evaluated and it’s hard enough to FEEL huge and uncomfortable, it makes it ten times worse with someone expressing concern or gawking at my size. Now, let’s watch Ninja Warriors!”

[Anonymous]

“Larla, please stop these comments. This pregnancy has been really difficult, and I am just trying to hang in there. Your comments make it harder for me.”

Or: You could always just snap at her in a last straw fashion, burst into tears, and leave the room. Blame it on hormones later. She deserves it.

[Anonymous]

You tell her to STFU. Better yet, your DH should have said this to her by now as soon as he heard her talking to you in such a manner.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, sorry she's being this way, that is so incredibly rude. My MIL wouldn't comment on my body ever, but there have been times when she's toed the line boundary-wise, and when she does that I just have DH intervene to bring her back to reality. I don't know if your MIL is the kind of person who would respond well to that or not (mine usually does), but you're doing enough work as it is mama between your pregnancy and caring for your other children so you should have no qualms employing your husband to help out here.

[Anonymous]

<Shrug> "I'm just thankful the baby and I are both healthy." Then change the subject or leave the room.

Or, as PP noted, if she is religious: "I thank the lord every day that the baby and I have been so healthy this pregnancy."

[Anonymous]

I don't know her, but the two general possibilities are:
1) She's just being chatty and it hasn't occurred to her that the comments bother you (though she should have considered that).
2) She's trying to be mean.

Try something like "I'm trying not to focus on that, and it makes it more difficult when people mention it. Could we talk about something else and not bring it up again?" Chances are pretty good that she'll stop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:<Shrug> "I'm just thankful the baby and I are both healthy." Then change the subject or leave the room.

Or, as PP noted, if she is religious: "I thank the lord every day that the baby and I have been so healthy this pregnancy."

If she is religious and she knows you are not, the last one will seem sarcastic. Asking for prayers from someone you know does that is different.

[Anonymous]

"Doctor says the baby and I are doing great and that I'm not to mind the rude commenters anymore."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Doctor says the baby and I are doing great and that I'm not to mind the rude commenters anymore."

Ew. She needs her doctor's permission not to field rude comments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:<Shrug> "I'm just thankful the baby and I are both healthy." Then change the subject or leave the room.

Or, as PP noted, if she is religious: "I thank the lord every day that the baby and I have been so healthy this pregnancy."

If she is religious and she knows you are not, the last one will seem sarcastic. Asking for prayers from someone you know does that is different.

Maybe that only works if OP is also religious? I don't know. It's been a while since I was a churchgoer.

"Please pray for me and the baby" sounds like something is wrong, and I wouldn't want to risk giving that impression, which for some people could trigger more comments.

My thinking with my advice was to deflect/shut down the topic and also throw up a boundary with the topic change/leaving the room that sends the message that you are not going to discuss it further.

[Anonymous]

"At least I have good judgement." was my comeback to my MIL's similar comments. That was the end of hers. She is insulted and visits less frequently and when she does, keeps her distance. (Disappointed, I am not.)