Getting past the urge to quit at 14.

[Anonymous]

Our DD may be on her last days of youth soccer.

While a part of me is saying "oh thank god" I no longer have to deal with the soccer parent driving, etc, a part of me is also a bit worried.

DD had a horrible season last year. A coach that she found unimpressive, teammates that were basically toxic and unfriendly, and an injury that really put a damper on her season. She went from being "as good as anyone on the DA" according to the coach to being moved down a team that was significantly (and depressingly) weaker to "rest and recover" from an injury. She took a very negative view of soccer practices and her teammates and the whole situation was quite a mess. What was once the highlight of their week became yet another drudgery and for the first time they broached the idea of "giving it all up". Mentally, she has kind of given up on the game she loved for many years.

Now if she was leaving on a positive note: she truly was "done" with soccer and ready for something else, we'd be fine with it and help her find a new passion. But leaving in her current state kind of has the flavor of giving up when the chips are down--not pushing through to get back to where they were and just taking the easy way out. Of course, I don't want her unhappy, but by the same token, I don't want her to face adversity with an "I give up, just screw it" attitude. We broached the idea of playing some other sport but she said she was willing to give it one more year. She decided to change clubs for the upcoming year to start fresh in the hopes new friends and a new team might be a better place for her.

FWIW Her previous coaches told us, begged us to "please keep her in the game--she's very talented with a strong future in the sport." They said in the right environment a college shot is well within her capabilities one day. We really only joined youth soccer to help build her self-confidence, character and physical fitness. We actually aren't that interested in whether she plays at the college level--we just want her to learn the value of giving it her best effort and performing to the top of her abilities.

Anyone else have a kid want to quit but come back to love the game again? I've seen posts that most kids quit by age 13 so I was wondering if this is just something many players go through at one time or another?

[Anonymous]

It seems like you've got a middle ground already. She agreed to do another year with a fresh start. It will either go well and she'll find what she likes about it again or she'll realize that she really is done and that will be it, which would be leaving at a medium point rather than a high or a low, but eh, that's life sometimes. Most people don't stop an activity at the peak of performance unless they are truly burned out--which is a terrible place to be and not something to wish for. Do this year, listen to your kid, let her make the decision. I'd only say she can't quit mid-season once she's committed to it (unless injury of course).

[Anonymous]

Soccer is not the be all and end all for character, self-confidence and exercise. There are so many other things to do and love.

Life is too short to think only soccer and while it’s a huge part of many of our lives, it’s ok not play everyday allday and still love soccer. and 14 is not too old to give some other activities a shot.

If soccer or soccer teams is what defines our kids and the only thing that matters and “we have to see out bad environments by not quitting” instead of attempting to find joy in another activity, when all the cards are laid on table, pro/cons are discussed, then we arent doing a satisfactory job of teaching kids when to get cut bait.

[Anonymous]

My DD loved playing on a weaker team in a weaker league. She didnt play down to the level of the environment and had fun challenging herself in ways that would be much more difficult on higher level teams because of the results expectations and didnt sweat that the team wasnt #1.

[Anonymous]

I would tell her that she should only quit on her own terms and not based upon one lousy/toxic coach and unfriendly/jealous teammates. She has worked & practiced too hard and for too long to let a few bad people determine her soccer future and ruin her passion. There are many other teams/clubs.

It’s no different for adults to change careers based upon one bad company environment, boss and/or co-workers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DD may be on her last days of youth soccer.

While a part of me is saying "oh thank god" I no longer have to deal with the soccer parent driving, etc, a part of me is also a bit worried.

DD had a horrible season last year. A coach that she found unimpressive, teammates that were basically toxic and unfriendly, and an injury that really put a damper on her season. She went from being "as good as anyone on the DA" according to the coach to being moved down a team that was significantly (and depressingly) weaker to "rest and recover" from an injury. She took a very negative view of soccer practices and her teammates and the whole situation was quite a mess. What was once the highlight of their week became yet another drudgery and for the first time they broached the idea of "giving it all up". Mentally, she has kind of given up on the game she loved for many years.

Now if she was leaving on a positive note: she truly was "done" with soccer and ready for something else, we'd be fine with it and help her find a new passion. But leaving in her current state kind of has the flavor of giving up when the chips are down--not pushing through to get back to where they were and just taking the easy way out. Of course, I don't want her unhappy, but by the same token, I don't want her to face adversity with an "I give up, just screw it" attitude. We broached the idea of playing some other sport but she said she was willing to give it one more year. She decided to change clubs for the upcoming year to start fresh in the hopes new friends and a new team might be a better place for her.

FWIW Her previous coaches told us, begged us to "please keep her in the game--she's very talented with a strong future in the sport." They said in the right environment a college shot is well within her capabilities one day. We really only joined youth soccer to help build her self-confidence, character and physical fitness. We actually aren't that interested in whether she plays at the college level--we just want her to learn the value of giving it her best effort and performing to the top of her abilities.

Anyone else have a kid want to quit but come back to love the game again? I've seen posts that most kids quit by age 13 so I was wondering if this is just something many players go through at one time or another?

Perhaps a change of scenery is best.

The team she was on didn't sound like a good fit and the team she went down to was beneath her abilities.

[Anonymous]

why don't you just switch teams / clubs?

[Anonymous]

if you want to get a fresh start, hire a trainer to do a few 1 on 1 sessions with her and then that person can scout out and do some research on some teams with good coaches that are a fit for her level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why don't you just switch teams / clubs?

My son was at a similar position at U13/U14 transition and changed clubs and refound his love of the game.

[Anonymous]

An injury and toxic team are two things that can have a serious impact on "love of the game." Dealt with the same thing DD playing volleyball.

She almost didn't tryout for high school this year but went to offseason sessions and really enjoyed the girls. It has been a great experience so far.

Hope the same holds true for yours. Playing high school in fall or spring might also be the right environment for her to focus more on the enjoyment of the game, rather than the pressure.